Well, I took a good look at Squishy this morning and realized that his nickname is no longer fitting. He is not squishy at all. He is a long and lean, though admittedly still cuddly, toddler. D thinks I should give him a new nickname. We've been calling him Dane-bo and Spaz-mo lately, but I'm reluctant to give up my favorite nickname. He's growing up before my eyes and it's quite shocking!
So - what will I call him? Little D? I haven't yet decided...
In other news, we had dinner and a "date" with some friends of ours. It's always so nice to get to talk to other adults who don't necessarily want to discuss sleeping patterns and breastfeeding. These friends, N & S, don't have kids yet, so they don't know much of the world of parenting. We talked about all sorts of adult things and my brain turned on for once. I even kicked butt at dominoes though D beat me by one mark at the last hand. Cheater!
On the other hand, it would be nice to have a couple friend with children. My friends are all moms with little ones, but I don't know their husbands. D's friends are usually single rugby players, but sometimes married. There are 3 couples we hang out with from the rugby team and none of them have procreated yet. Don't they know Little D (trying the name out...) needs some playmates?!
N & S asked us last night if D's twin, A, is engaged yet. "Well, what is he waiting for?" they demanded.
You would be amazed how often we get this question!! To be sure we always answer the same way; we don't have a freaking clue!
I'm quite sure that D is not able to read A's mind, despite the fact that they're twins.
It is rather frustrating, because we all love A's girlfriend (C). Can't wait for him to officially, finally make her a part of the family. But I have no idea how many more months (and hopefully not years!) are going to go by before he decides to pop the question. So - why do people keep asking us that?!
It's no secret to C & I that these brothers are so S-L-O-W in making a decision, especially the important ones. But that is a whole other post. ;)
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
a parable
There was an Indian Elder talking to a child.
The child was listening intently as the elder spoke.
The elder said,
"Inside me I have two animals.
I have a wolf that is angry and eating away at me, constantly full of hatred, tearing away at my soul.
I also have an eagle that is full of knowledge and understanding, bringing peace to my life and my heart.
They are always in a constant battle.
Fighting over who will be in control of me."
The little boy asked,
"Which one will win?"
The elder said,
"The one that I feed."
The child was listening intently as the elder spoke.
The elder said,
"Inside me I have two animals.
I have a wolf that is angry and eating away at me, constantly full of hatred, tearing away at my soul.
I also have an eagle that is full of knowledge and understanding, bringing peace to my life and my heart.
They are always in a constant battle.
Fighting over who will be in control of me."
The little boy asked,
"Which one will win?"
The elder said,
"The one that I feed."
The Angry Wars
Why is it that a baby or toddler can bring out so much anger and frustration in a rational, mature adult?
Some days, I find it exhausting to parent. Especially night time parenting. I just want to sleep for more than 3 or 4 hours in a row.
When D is gone, like he is now, it's even more frustrating. I'm basically working double over time.
Last night was awful. Squishy is a terrible sleeper, always has been. I've been keeping the faith for 13.5 long months; hoping beyond hope that he would just sleep through the night. He doesn't nurse at night, so I don't know what he's waking for.
Finally, I brought him to bed with me at some godawful early morning hour. He squrimed, moaned, crawled and rolled continuously until I couldn't take it anymore. I could feel myself losing it. It's odd; how it creeps up on you and suddenly you are a child too. An irrational, selfish, mean child who wants their way - NOW!
I took a couple of deep breaths, thought of the stone in the TV room, and fought down the vindictive inner child in me. I deposited Squishy safely into his own crib and walked away. God must have heard my prayers, because he slept soundly for 2 hours after that.
I of course, went back to bed feeling like a terrible mother. Oh, the guilt!!
Most days - and nights - I am patient and loving and fine. And then these feelings hit and I think I must win the World's Worst Mother award.
All of these feelings bear the questions:
Is this normal?
Do I have a problem?
Why don't people talk about this?
Some days, I find it exhausting to parent. Especially night time parenting. I just want to sleep for more than 3 or 4 hours in a row.
When D is gone, like he is now, it's even more frustrating. I'm basically working double over time.
Last night was awful. Squishy is a terrible sleeper, always has been. I've been keeping the faith for 13.5 long months; hoping beyond hope that he would just sleep through the night. He doesn't nurse at night, so I don't know what he's waking for.
Finally, I brought him to bed with me at some godawful early morning hour. He squrimed, moaned, crawled and rolled continuously until I couldn't take it anymore. I could feel myself losing it. It's odd; how it creeps up on you and suddenly you are a child too. An irrational, selfish, mean child who wants their way - NOW!
I took a couple of deep breaths, thought of the stone in the TV room, and fought down the vindictive inner child in me. I deposited Squishy safely into his own crib and walked away. God must have heard my prayers, because he slept soundly for 2 hours after that.
I of course, went back to bed feeling like a terrible mother. Oh, the guilt!!
Most days - and nights - I am patient and loving and fine. And then these feelings hit and I think I must win the World's Worst Mother award.
All of these feelings bear the questions:
Is this normal?
Do I have a problem?
Why don't people talk about this?
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I spoke too soon!
My first post on this blog was about how Squishy had self weaned at 13 months 1 week. Well, it was child led, as we all wanted it to be. This morning Squishy looked right into my eyes and signed "nurse" :0
So I let him.
After 5 days of no nursing; I had accepted it, and was even a little happy about it. So I was torn about letting him start again, especially since I was hopeful about this month's chances of getting pregnant. (Not that you have to wean to do that.)
SO I don't know how I feel. I want him to lead, so I guess I'll just let him.
In other news - D is out of town till Friday. This makes me feel exceedingly lonely. I hate it when he travels. Squishy misses him terribly!
On the upside, there is no one to distract me from computer time after Squishy goes to bed.
So I let him.
After 5 days of no nursing; I had accepted it, and was even a little happy about it. So I was torn about letting him start again, especially since I was hopeful about this month's chances of getting pregnant. (Not that you have to wean to do that.)
SO I don't know how I feel. I want him to lead, so I guess I'll just let him.
In other news - D is out of town till Friday. This makes me feel exceedingly lonely. I hate it when he travels. Squishy misses him terribly!
On the upside, there is no one to distract me from computer time after Squishy goes to bed.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Utopia
Today was *the* perfect Sunday. It's days like today where I am completely grateful and satisfied with my life.
We didn't do anything spectacular really. To some people, it probably sounds pretty boring.
But, as I laid in the shaded hammock sipping my frozen margarita I felt so blessed. I watched D play with Squishy in the sand box and then run through the sprinkler. I watched them turn the slide into a water slide that ended in the kiddie pool. I took pictures of them so that I could remember what this truly happy day felt like when Squishy is an obnoxious teenager.
We chased each other through the cardboard playhouse we built and I felt my heart melt a little when Squishy yelled "hi Dada" and hugged his neck.
As we all sat and ate dinner on the porch I thought about how this is the life I've always wanted. I am so lucky to have this little family to call my own.
We didn't do anything spectacular really. To some people, it probably sounds pretty boring.
But, as I laid in the shaded hammock sipping my frozen margarita I felt so blessed. I watched D play with Squishy in the sand box and then run through the sprinkler. I watched them turn the slide into a water slide that ended in the kiddie pool. I took pictures of them so that I could remember what this truly happy day felt like when Squishy is an obnoxious teenager.
We chased each other through the cardboard playhouse we built and I felt my heart melt a little when Squishy yelled "hi Dada" and hugged his neck.
As we all sat and ate dinner on the porch I thought about how this is the life I've always wanted. I am so lucky to have this little family to call my own.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
the fight
Sigh.
Dh thinks I spend too much time online. I don't know what he expects me to do with my 400 hours a day that are spent with a toddler. The house can only be so clean and the kid still sleeps 3 hours during the day.
Sheesh!
I do have mommy friends online, plus I pay bills and update the Squishy's website pretty often. (Does he realize how long it takes to upload pics with dial up?!!) Of course, don't forget myspace!
I could be online less, but I enjoy it and he's not exactly Mr. Chatty.
So - last night I went to the bedroom where he was reading ESPN magazine and sat on the bed with him for a very long time. I *tried* to talk to him, but the man is like a brick wall when he's involved in something else. His feedback consists of blank stares and uh-huhs.
So much for that experiment. At least the internet is entertaining.
Don't get me wrong- he's a great dad and wonderful husband. BUT it peeves me that he made me feel bad for doing something I enjoy and then was completely unresponsive when I tried to do what he wanted.
After all, an hour (or 2 or maybe 3 ) online is not all that bad. Right?
Hmm, maybe I *could* clean more.
Dh thinks I spend too much time online. I don't know what he expects me to do with my 400 hours a day that are spent with a toddler. The house can only be so clean and the kid still sleeps 3 hours during the day.
Sheesh!
I do have mommy friends online, plus I pay bills and update the Squishy's website pretty often. (Does he realize how long it takes to upload pics with dial up?!!) Of course, don't forget myspace!
I could be online less, but I enjoy it and he's not exactly Mr. Chatty.
So - last night I went to the bedroom where he was reading ESPN magazine and sat on the bed with him for a very long time. I *tried* to talk to him, but the man is like a brick wall when he's involved in something else. His feedback consists of blank stares and uh-huhs.
So much for that experiment. At least the internet is entertaining.
Don't get me wrong- he's a great dad and wonderful husband. BUT it peeves me that he made me feel bad for doing something I enjoy and then was completely unresponsive when I tried to do what he wanted.
After all, an hour (or 2 or maybe 3 ) online is not all that bad. Right?
Hmm, maybe I *could* clean more.
Friday, April 21, 2006
So here I am.
Well, I'm feeling chatty today. Don't think I'll get many readers as I am not all that interesting to people who don't already love me. :)
Anyway, I've always been one to write down my thoughts, so why not here too?
So - this is my first post of many. As a sahm, I don't lead a glamorous or super exciting life. In fact, as I sit here and think about the biggest thing that happened to me this week it is that my 13 month old Squishy has weaned himself.
Not a big deal to some, but huge for us. So - I sit here with engorged
(*)(*) and sometimes welling eyes and lament about how my baby is growing up.
On the upside, I am finally wearing a non-nursing bra for the 1st time in a long time. AND - as I have yet to get myself successfully knocked up - I am finally going to indulge in several margaritas this weekend.
I guess weaning isn't all bad. ;)
Anyway, I've always been one to write down my thoughts, so why not here too?
So - this is my first post of many. As a sahm, I don't lead a glamorous or super exciting life. In fact, as I sit here and think about the biggest thing that happened to me this week it is that my 13 month old Squishy has weaned himself.
Not a big deal to some, but huge for us. So - I sit here with engorged
(*)(*) and sometimes welling eyes and lament about how my baby is growing up.
On the upside, I am finally wearing a non-nursing bra for the 1st time in a long time. AND - as I have yet to get myself successfully knocked up - I am finally going to indulge in several margaritas this weekend.
I guess weaning isn't all bad. ;)
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