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Monday, September 25, 2006
hmmmm
alone at last...
Having visitors is always tiring. MIL & FIL were here this weekend and left this morning.
I felt so sick this weekend that it was hard to be a good hostess.
Also, MIL makes me so nervous. She's always hovering and watching and commenting...
I wish she would just relax!! She is in "mother" mode and tries to be Dane's mother. Which, honestly, annoys me a bit because that job is already taken.
I wish she could just relax and be the grandma. Let us do the parenting. I think she would enjoy her visits a lot more if she could take on the grandparent role.
Maybe in time...
Dane had fun with them I think. He cried and was scared at first, but warmed up pretty quickly and played with them. (they brought presents!!)
He even seemed sad to see them go. Definitely the first time he's ever shown that much emotion to anyone other than us. It was kind of nice to see him warm up to other adults.
I never had a really great bond with any of my grandparents and I would like that for him.
I felt so sick this weekend that it was hard to be a good hostess.
Also, MIL makes me so nervous. She's always hovering and watching and commenting...
I wish she would just relax!! She is in "mother" mode and tries to be Dane's mother. Which, honestly, annoys me a bit because that job is already taken.
I wish she could just relax and be the grandma. Let us do the parenting. I think she would enjoy her visits a lot more if she could take on the grandparent role.
Maybe in time...
Dane had fun with them I think. He cried and was scared at first, but warmed up pretty quickly and played with them. (they brought presents!!)
He even seemed sad to see them go. Definitely the first time he's ever shown that much emotion to anyone other than us. It was kind of nice to see him warm up to other adults.
I never had a really great bond with any of my grandparents and I would like that for him.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Just a petty little vent
I'm annoyed today. d can obviously tell, as he's been screaming at me all morning. (when will those damn molars pop?!)
My parents and the IL's are all supposed to be coming here for Big Spring Jam, which is this big concert weekend. Anyway, we already bought all the tickets (they are cheaper in advance) and my parents were going to be here TONIGHT and they just called and can't (aren't) coming. I, of course, cried on the phone when they told me. (I cry over everything these days though...)
The in laws are still coming of course. *sigh* It's not that I don't want to see them, it's just that I wanted my parents to be here too. I suppose it will be easier for me in the long run since that's two less people to take care of, but my mom is usually a much bigger help than most people.
Of course, I've already fixed up both guest rooms and cleaned the whole house so I'm rather annoyed.
Sheesh
My parents and the IL's are all supposed to be coming here for Big Spring Jam, which is this big concert weekend. Anyway, we already bought all the tickets (they are cheaper in advance) and my parents were going to be here TONIGHT and they just called and can't (aren't) coming. I, of course, cried on the phone when they told me. (I cry over everything these days though...)
The in laws are still coming of course. *sigh* It's not that I don't want to see them, it's just that I wanted my parents to be here too. I suppose it will be easier for me in the long run since that's two less people to take care of, but my mom is usually a much bigger help than most people.
Of course, I've already fixed up both guest rooms and cleaned the whole house so I'm rather annoyed.
Sheesh
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
9 years
Today is the anniversary of D & I's first date. 9 years ago today I was on my first date with him and we've been together ever since.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
the grind
Life goes on as normal. Nothing particularly exciting has been happening around here.
A few things I had forgotten about being pregnant:
1) Food tastes a lot better going down than coming up.
2) Your (my) husband does not give you a break. He doesn't think gestating is a chore.
3) Toddlers don't know that throwing up is not a funny new game mama invented.
4) The world doesn't stop so you can take a nap.
5) Last but not least, I had forgotten how much the first trimester bites:
bloating, puking, exhaustion and general chubbiness (the kind where your clothes don't fit but your maternity clothes still swallow you)
The second trimester is so much better. Baby kicks and belly rubs and the BIG ultrasound. 2 more weeks, and I'm there. Second trimester - here I come!
A few things I had forgotten about being pregnant:
1) Food tastes a lot better going down than coming up.
2) Your (my) husband does not give you a break. He doesn't think gestating is a chore.
3) Toddlers don't know that throwing up is not a funny new game mama invented.
4) The world doesn't stop so you can take a nap.
5) Last but not least, I had forgotten how much the first trimester bites:
bloating, puking, exhaustion and general chubbiness (the kind where your clothes don't fit but your maternity clothes still swallow you)
The second trimester is so much better. Baby kicks and belly rubs and the BIG ultrasound. 2 more weeks, and I'm there. Second trimester - here I come!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Just another day in paradise
Some days I wonder what I've gotten myself into. Dane screamed at me nonstop for at least 30 minutes and any parent with a toddler knows how much longer that can feel. Especially when it's the ear.piercing.screaming.
thatmakesyouwanttojumpoutthewindow!
Then he fell asleep. Wore himself out I guess.
The only problem is that it's 4pm. So I think bedtime is going to be majorly screwed up.
Other than that, I'm seriously considering dumping all the pets. (by dumping I mean finding them all really nice homes. Somewhere else.)
The damn dog has fleas. How that continues to happen with all the posion I dump on her every month is beyond me. Beyond that she smells and sheds EVERYWHERE! She is good dog, but I am not feeling loving toward the pets these days. The cat growls at me and d and only loves D. The kitten has worms. He is banished outside till I can get to the vet. If the kitten would quit killing birds at 3am and eating them all. over. the. house. so that we wake up to feathers (what a treat!) maybe he wouldn't get worms.
So basically, I'm annoyed with the boy. I'm annoyed with the pets. And needless to say, I am annoyed with D for the sole reason that he gets to leave the house everyday. Alone. And he leaves everything else to me.
Ok, that's not the sole reason. He is just plain annoying me.
d is in a new phase. He thinks it's funny to pull my hair, kick me or smack me in the face. Where he gets this I don't know. Today I did something that I don't do. I lost my patience and slapped his hand. Which, of course, he laughed at. And then hit me back. Serves me right. What did I expect to teach him by telling him not to hit and then hitting him? I know that, and yet it didn't stop me.
We are not a hitting family. That is not the way we've chosen to discipline. We don't hit each other.
Except now I've taught him to hit.
Good job mom. Way to go.
These pregnancy hormones are killing me. I am impatient, depressed, tired, and just, something. Gah. I can't remember this 1st trimester torture with Dane. Selective memory perhaps?
I feel like I should be happy to be pregnant. I have everything I've ever wanted. (except size 8 pants, but that's neither here nor there)
So why do I feel like this? Hell if I know.
thatmakesyouwanttojumpoutthewindow!
Then he fell asleep. Wore himself out I guess.
The only problem is that it's 4pm. So I think bedtime is going to be majorly screwed up.
Other than that, I'm seriously considering dumping all the pets. (by dumping I mean finding them all really nice homes. Somewhere else.)
The damn dog has fleas. How that continues to happen with all the posion I dump on her every month is beyond me. Beyond that she smells and sheds EVERYWHERE! She is good dog, but I am not feeling loving toward the pets these days. The cat growls at me and d and only loves D. The kitten has worms. He is banished outside till I can get to the vet. If the kitten would quit killing birds at 3am and eating them all. over. the. house. so that we wake up to feathers (what a treat!) maybe he wouldn't get worms.
So basically, I'm annoyed with the boy. I'm annoyed with the pets. And needless to say, I am annoyed with D for the sole reason that he gets to leave the house everyday. Alone. And he leaves everything else to me.
Ok, that's not the sole reason. He is just plain annoying me.
d is in a new phase. He thinks it's funny to pull my hair, kick me or smack me in the face. Where he gets this I don't know. Today I did something that I don't do. I lost my patience and slapped his hand. Which, of course, he laughed at. And then hit me back. Serves me right. What did I expect to teach him by telling him not to hit and then hitting him? I know that, and yet it didn't stop me.
We are not a hitting family. That is not the way we've chosen to discipline. We don't hit each other.
Except now I've taught him to hit.
Good job mom. Way to go.
These pregnancy hormones are killing me. I am impatient, depressed, tired, and just, something. Gah. I can't remember this 1st trimester torture with Dane. Selective memory perhaps?
I feel like I should be happy to be pregnant. I have everything I've ever wanted. (except size 8 pants, but that's neither here nor there)
So why do I feel like this? Hell if I know.
Monday, September 11, 2006
:)
We saw a heartbeat! A teeny tiny little blobby bean and a heartbeat! I'm relieved and happy. And yes, there is just one. ;)
Sunday, September 10, 2006
NO!
Why is it so hard for me to say no? It doesn't matter to who. Or for what.
In general, I just have a hard time saying no. If I do say no, then I feel guilty. Even after 9 years with D, saying no to him makes me feel bad. Guilty. Like a bad wife.
Where does this come from?! I am entitled to my feelings. No is not a bad word.
I think, in general, I am a people pleaser. I can talk a good game, but when confrontation stares me in the face I will back down 98% of the time.
I'll admit that I have gotten better since d was born. I can stand up for him most of the time, even if I can't stand up for myself. That is a start.
I need to accept that it is okay to have my feelings and say no if I don't want to do something. If I say no like I mean it then that is it. No guilting me into something I don't truly want to do.
Honestly, D is horrible about this. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or what, but lately he has been falling short of stellar husband material. Granted, I have been a bit, er, snappy with him lately but I think he deserves it. (at least in my pregnant state of mind. I can be a real witch in the 1st trimester)
Perhaps I haven't quite forgiven him for the birthday fiasco, but he is just irritating me.
Without giving too many details, when he wants something and I don't feel like it and say no, that should be enough. He doesn't get it. He fusses at me till I feel so guilty I give in. Bitterly. Resentfully.
He doesn't understand that I am tired and feel like puking about 85% of the day. That all sorts of parts of me are sore and stretched and bloated. (and I'm barely pg!)
I must get through to him that when I say no, I mean no. No guilting me.
Next time maybe I'll just puke on him instead.
In general, I just have a hard time saying no. If I do say no, then I feel guilty. Even after 9 years with D, saying no to him makes me feel bad. Guilty. Like a bad wife.
Where does this come from?! I am entitled to my feelings. No is not a bad word.
I think, in general, I am a people pleaser. I can talk a good game, but when confrontation stares me in the face I will back down 98% of the time.
I'll admit that I have gotten better since d was born. I can stand up for him most of the time, even if I can't stand up for myself. That is a start.
I need to accept that it is okay to have my feelings and say no if I don't want to do something. If I say no like I mean it then that is it. No guilting me into something I don't truly want to do.
Honestly, D is horrible about this. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or what, but lately he has been falling short of stellar husband material. Granted, I have been a bit, er, snappy with him lately but I think he deserves it. (at least in my pregnant state of mind. I can be a real witch in the 1st trimester)
Perhaps I haven't quite forgiven him for the birthday fiasco, but he is just irritating me.
Without giving too many details, when he wants something and I don't feel like it and say no, that should be enough. He doesn't get it. He fusses at me till I feel so guilty I give in. Bitterly. Resentfully.
He doesn't understand that I am tired and feel like puking about 85% of the day. That all sorts of parts of me are sore and stretched and bloated. (and I'm barely pg!)
I must get through to him that when I say no, I mean no. No guilting me.
Next time maybe I'll just puke on him instead.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Dude!
From : http://truewifeconfessions.blogspot.com/
Confession #652
Dear Husband,I know you read this website and I'm hoping you are reading this confession right now. This one really IS mine.You are an amazing father. I tell you that all the time and you say, "But I'm a daddy, it's my job!" And I tell you that most husbands I know don't do half of the things you do and you say, "But why? Why'd they have kids in the first place if they weren't going to help out? They're missing out on their children's lives!!" Even writing what you said makes me smile because you really have no clue what a sweetie you are. Most guys aren't raised to believe the daddy has to do more than be a sperm donor and occasionally, "babysit" their own kids. I don't know what went right with you, but kudos to whomever schooled you on what it means to be a real man.I just wish you'd really believe that you are King Stud Man and A Number One Daddy of the Century. But you shrug and say, "It's no big deal, I like being a dad." I don't know many husbands who have ALWAYS gotten up with the baby and toddlers overnight because the wife has a hard time falling back to sleep once woken up and the husband can fall asleep easily. He'd rather his wife was well rested because he knows what a hard job being a stay at home mom is. Even tho he works full time and has intense pressures at work. Yeah, honey, that's very very rare. And you've been on "night duty" for years now and never and will be again once the baby comes and you have never complained once and never will. You'll stagger around in a stupor and still say, "Sleep deprivation doesn't bother me."I don't know many husbands who would come home to a wife sprawled out on the couch with no dinner prepared because she's too sick and drained from being pregnant and grab the kids and say, "Come on, let's make dinner for Mommy tonight!" And do that night after night after night. And never complain- not once. Instead, you say, "You're pregnant. You're making our next child. You're only job is to make sure you feel ok."And you're not a con artist. You aren't boinking some floozy on the side. You're this big lovable nerd who truly loves being married and being a dad. I think you need to be in a museum where women could owe and aha over you and ask if you could be cloned. You cook, you clean toilets, you do home repair, you tell me to get out of the house for "me time" whenever I want and you never never never complain. You loved me thin and now love me fat because as you say, "I fell in love with YOU, not your clothing size."Ok, so you're not romantic in the traditional sense. You don't send chocolates and flowers and sweep me off my feet with poetry or whatnot. But when I say I'm bored with the kitchen floor, you will retile the floor without hesitation. That's your version of romantic and honey, I'll take it!So what's my confession? Not because of anything you do or say, but I fear you will find someone who is better than me. A Victoria Secret model who can cook gourmet meals and actually enjoys keeping the house spotless while wearing short skirts with no panties. She never forgets to send your mother a birthday present and always wears makeup and loves giving oral sex nightly.Instead you got me. You unlucky bastard. And I have to believe you work as hard as you do for us because you truly love me. But sometimes, I wonder why. Sometimes I fear I'm not good enough and don't deserve you. Then sometimes I tell myself to shut the hell up and just enjoy this incredible experience. I got lucky. I just wish I could give back to you what you give to me and to our family. I will make an effort to show my appreciation more. You deserve more Me Time and Sleep Time and Cooked Dinner Time yourself.You rock, Stud Man. You rock hard. Never ever forget that. We love you.
That is one lucky wife.
Confession #652
Dear Husband,I know you read this website and I'm hoping you are reading this confession right now. This one really IS mine.You are an amazing father. I tell you that all the time and you say, "But I'm a daddy, it's my job!" And I tell you that most husbands I know don't do half of the things you do and you say, "But why? Why'd they have kids in the first place if they weren't going to help out? They're missing out on their children's lives!!" Even writing what you said makes me smile because you really have no clue what a sweetie you are. Most guys aren't raised to believe the daddy has to do more than be a sperm donor and occasionally, "babysit" their own kids. I don't know what went right with you, but kudos to whomever schooled you on what it means to be a real man.I just wish you'd really believe that you are King Stud Man and A Number One Daddy of the Century. But you shrug and say, "It's no big deal, I like being a dad." I don't know many husbands who have ALWAYS gotten up with the baby and toddlers overnight because the wife has a hard time falling back to sleep once woken up and the husband can fall asleep easily. He'd rather his wife was well rested because he knows what a hard job being a stay at home mom is. Even tho he works full time and has intense pressures at work. Yeah, honey, that's very very rare. And you've been on "night duty" for years now and never and will be again once the baby comes and you have never complained once and never will. You'll stagger around in a stupor and still say, "Sleep deprivation doesn't bother me."I don't know many husbands who would come home to a wife sprawled out on the couch with no dinner prepared because she's too sick and drained from being pregnant and grab the kids and say, "Come on, let's make dinner for Mommy tonight!" And do that night after night after night. And never complain- not once. Instead, you say, "You're pregnant. You're making our next child. You're only job is to make sure you feel ok."And you're not a con artist. You aren't boinking some floozy on the side. You're this big lovable nerd who truly loves being married and being a dad. I think you need to be in a museum where women could owe and aha over you and ask if you could be cloned. You cook, you clean toilets, you do home repair, you tell me to get out of the house for "me time" whenever I want and you never never never complain. You loved me thin and now love me fat because as you say, "I fell in love with YOU, not your clothing size."Ok, so you're not romantic in the traditional sense. You don't send chocolates and flowers and sweep me off my feet with poetry or whatnot. But when I say I'm bored with the kitchen floor, you will retile the floor without hesitation. That's your version of romantic and honey, I'll take it!So what's my confession? Not because of anything you do or say, but I fear you will find someone who is better than me. A Victoria Secret model who can cook gourmet meals and actually enjoys keeping the house spotless while wearing short skirts with no panties. She never forgets to send your mother a birthday present and always wears makeup and loves giving oral sex nightly.Instead you got me. You unlucky bastard. And I have to believe you work as hard as you do for us because you truly love me. But sometimes, I wonder why. Sometimes I fear I'm not good enough and don't deserve you. Then sometimes I tell myself to shut the hell up and just enjoy this incredible experience. I got lucky. I just wish I could give back to you what you give to me and to our family. I will make an effort to show my appreciation more. You deserve more Me Time and Sleep Time and Cooked Dinner Time yourself.You rock, Stud Man. You rock hard. Never ever forget that. We love you.
That is one lucky wife.
emotions
Last night I was watching the news and there was a special on the September 11th widows. I watched the whole thing in tears. D thought I was losing it because I was so emotional.
I switch from bitch to baby in seconds.
Monday, 9-11, is my ultrasound. Only a few more days.
D has a rugby game tonight. It's not till 8 so I won't get to go since Squishy will be sleeping.
Another player broke his leg in 2 places and fractured his ankle. It makes me very nervous about D playing. There is, of course, no stopping him. We've discussed that if he gets seriously hurt, he's done - for good.
I switch from bitch to baby in seconds.
Monday, 9-11, is my ultrasound. Only a few more days.
D has a rugby game tonight. It's not till 8 so I won't get to go since Squishy will be sleeping.
Another player broke his leg in 2 places and fractured his ankle. It makes me very nervous about D playing. There is, of course, no stopping him. We've discussed that if he gets seriously hurt, he's done - for good.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
redemption
I recieved 2 dozen beautiful roses yesterday. Yellow, white, orange, pink and red. Redemption for sure. :)
I don't know what's wrong with me. I read emails, news and watch commercials and tear up. I am feeling like crying at little stupid things.
I guess the hormones are really throwing me off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I read emails, news and watch commercials and tear up. I am feeling like crying at little stupid things.
I guess the hormones are really throwing me off.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
If you want something done right...
Do it yourself! Apparently this now extends to birthday presents.
I went out and bought myself the perfect chain that looks like it belongs on me instead of Mr. T and a birthday cake and the *good* ice cream.
Now that's how you do a birthday. How is that so hard?
I went out and bought myself the perfect chain that looks like it belongs on me instead of Mr. T and a birthday cake and the *good* ice cream.
Now that's how you do a birthday. How is that so hard?
$8
Eight dollars. That's how much my present cost. E I G H T dollars. seriously...
He says there are flowers coming today. Yeah, there better be mister.
I know it's part hormones, but eight dollars!?
He says there are flowers coming today. Yeah, there better be mister.
I know it's part hormones, but eight dollars!?
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Happy Freaking Birthday
Well, my birthday present from D was less than stellar. I think I hurt his feelings, but after 9 years it's almost like he doesn't know me at all.
I finally had to ask for my present around 8pm, since I was tired and no sign of it. He had put it in my jewelry box 3 days ago. Oops. I haven't worn any in that long I guess.
Background:
About 3 weeks ago, my favorite chain broke. It was super thin, 14 k gold and the *perfect* length. I always wore it with my absolute favorite charm, a gold fancy script D that D had given me for Mother's Day.
I've been meaning to replace the chain myself so that I could find the right one, and didn't consider asking for it for my birthday as it was just a replacement, and in my opinion, not a suitable present.
Back to the story at hand:
He got me a gold chain to replace the one that broke. NOT the perfect, thin, 14 k gold one I would have chosen. (he was WITH ME when we picked it out the first time, btw)
It's a rope chain. Fat. And cheap looking. Not at all the kind to wear with a beautiful delicate pendant. It's fine I suppose to wear by itself though.
I almost started crying. (could be the hormones?)
His reasoning for picking this one over a thinner one that he knew I would love? It was cheaper. He actually said those words to me. "Well, this one was cheaper." I am almost crying RIGHT NOW just thinking about it because to me he was saying that this is all I'm worth to him.
AND that's a l l he got me. That's it. He said he wanted to bake a cake -but hey genius - the oven broke on Sunday. AND he didn't want to buy one ready-made because - you guessed it: they are not cheap. Not practical and all that.
Tip to any man that is reading at this moment: If you want to be a cheapskate don't do it on your (pregnant) wife's birthday. It could be hazardous to your health not to mention the health of your marriage and your wife's personality (towards you).
So, to recap, cheap present and no cake. Happy Birthday to me.
I finally had to ask for my present around 8pm, since I was tired and no sign of it. He had put it in my jewelry box 3 days ago. Oops. I haven't worn any in that long I guess.
Background:
About 3 weeks ago, my favorite chain broke. It was super thin, 14 k gold and the *perfect* length. I always wore it with my absolute favorite charm, a gold fancy script D that D had given me for Mother's Day.
I've been meaning to replace the chain myself so that I could find the right one, and didn't consider asking for it for my birthday as it was just a replacement, and in my opinion, not a suitable present.
Back to the story at hand:
He got me a gold chain to replace the one that broke. NOT the perfect, thin, 14 k gold one I would have chosen. (he was WITH ME when we picked it out the first time, btw)
It's a rope chain. Fat. And cheap looking. Not at all the kind to wear with a beautiful delicate pendant. It's fine I suppose to wear by itself though.
I almost started crying. (could be the hormones?)
His reasoning for picking this one over a thinner one that he knew I would love? It was cheaper. He actually said those words to me. "Well, this one was cheaper." I am almost crying RIGHT NOW just thinking about it because to me he was saying that this is all I'm worth to him.
AND that's a l l he got me. That's it. He said he wanted to bake a cake -but hey genius - the oven broke on Sunday. AND he didn't want to buy one ready-made because - you guessed it: they are not cheap. Not practical and all that.
Tip to any man that is reading at this moment: If you want to be a cheapskate don't do it on your (pregnant) wife's birthday. It could be hazardous to your health not to mention the health of your marriage and your wife's personality (towards you).
So, to recap, cheap present and no cake. Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me!
It's my 25th birthday today. Actually in about 30 minutes. I was born at noon on Labor Day exactly 25 years ago. I can't believe I'm halfway to 50!
S0 far I haven't seen a gift from D, but I'm sure it's coming. I predict I'll get flowers today and a necklace or something. Probably tulips to be exact.
The morning (all day) sickness seemed to get better a bit over the weekend, but last night - watch out! I was sooo sick. And this morning. I'm either eating or feeling like throwing up. blah!
I haven't done anything around here today. Ok, I've watched Dane, fed the animals and done a little laundry, but other than that...
I feel sick and it's my birthday so I think I'm entitled to a very lazy day - right?
S0 far I haven't seen a gift from D, but I'm sure it's coming. I predict I'll get flowers today and a necklace or something. Probably tulips to be exact.
The morning (all day) sickness seemed to get better a bit over the weekend, but last night - watch out! I was sooo sick. And this morning. I'm either eating or feeling like throwing up. blah!
I haven't done anything around here today. Ok, I've watched Dane, fed the animals and done a little laundry, but other than that...
I feel sick and it's my birthday so I think I'm entitled to a very lazy day - right?
Sunday, September 03, 2006
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