Our house

Monday - the slab. Looks too small to be 2625 sq feet, but it is...

Wednesday - they started framing! We have walls!

Friday - It looks like a house! WOO!

Don't you just love the trees back there? That's a wildlife preserve and we're so lucky to be backed up to it. Shade! Beautiful shade!!

In other news: d pooped on the potty!! I don't stink at this potty training stuff after all! Woo hoo! ( I took a picture of that too, but I don't think anyone would want to see it, in fact, I don't think I want to see it...)

Just to clear it up.

It occured to me that most women don't nurse an infant during pregnancy and probably haven't done the kind of research I have, SO in order to clear things up here's what I've learned:
1 - 70% of mothers will have a noticeable decrease in supply. Sometimes immediately, sometimes not until the 2nd trimester.
2 - Once your supply drops, nursing more will not help.
3 - In pregnancy, progesterone causes your milk ducts to store milk inefficiently and the traditional laws of supply and demand no longer apply.
4 - Unfortunately, fenugreek is not recommended during pregnancy. My OB advises against taking More Milk 2, though my LC friend says it's safe.
5 - Basically, during pregnancy your best bet is to take care of yourself, eat right and get enough rest, encourage your child to nurse, but know that it's the pregnancy hormones that are causing these problems and you can't wish for them to go away because well, you need them.

The book Adventures in Tandem Nursing summed it up best with this line (pg 63):
Can I do anything to keep up my milk supply?
The short answer is, probably not much.

Just in case anyone was curious about nursing during pregnany, there it is. I guess you can see my dilemma now, this pregnancy wasn't planned but now that I AM pregnant there doesn't seem to be much I can do about the milk situation. A bummer, but it is what it is.

Ovaltine Brownies!

Thanks for all the comments about me not sucking and not starving the baby. The thing is that I don't suck, but I did miss some signs. Also, no matter how much he nurses, it won't increase my supply because it doesn't work quite like that during pregnancy. BUT - he's still nursing and then taking a bottle, so he's still getting breastmilk and he seems to enjoy the formula too. More work for me though, bummer.

On that note, I really did need brownies! Since ovaltine is yummy and chocolately and supposed to increase your milk supply I decided to experiment with a recipe and make it my own. Jennifer aka Binky Bitch, you will enjoy these!

1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 c butter
1/2 cup flour
1 and 1/3 cup rich chocolate ovaltine
1/4 tsp baking powder

Mix sugar, eggs and vanilla. Cream with butter. Add dry ingredients until well blended. Grease pan (8x11) and bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes approximately. They have a yummy crusty top and sides, while the middle is squishy, chocolately goodness. I like to cut two, put ice cream in the middle and freeze for a short while.

They tend to get a little chewy around the edges while the middle is still soft, so the recipe isn't perfect, but still yummy.

Bad, bad mommy

*sigh* Now that I've realized that O is hungry and started giving him a bottle after every feeding, I realize he was probably STARVING! It's no wonder he barely had any wet diapers and that he was nursing so often. He's scarfing down 3-4 oz after every nursing!
I just changed a dipe that was so wet it was almost dripping. He hasn't had one that wet in at least a week! I'm now almost certain that he was dangerously close to being dehydrated.

WTH is the matter with me that I didn't notice this sooner? Why wasn't he fussy or crying?
Man, I suck. I. Suck.

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On top of that, d and I are a miserable failure at potty training. He'll go beautifully if I ask him to, but has no interest in going himself. He may not even know he has to go. I don't know. Maybe I should just give up for now. Or maybe this is just part of it.
Today he's been so moody and mean. He's been wanting to act like a baby too. Perhaps it's too much for him right now?
But gawd, the thought of 3 in diapers is horrifying.

I need some cookies or brownies. Or tequila.

burnt toast

Burnt toast must be the worst smell in the world. I wanted a piece of peanut butter toast for breakfast so I put a piece of bread in the toaster. It burned and I thought I would throw up. I threw it away but somehow I still managed to chow down on not one, not two, but FOUR pieces of peanut butter toast. (it was whole wheat bread and natural peanut butter, but still - 4 pieces?!)

I alternate between wanting to throw up and wanting to eat everything in sight.

I also worry constantly if Owen is getting enough to eat when he nurses. He seems satisfied most of the time, but after one nursing session yesterday he seemed pissed. I gave him a small bottle and he was fine, but I cried. I know that there isn't anything wrong with formula, but he wouldn't be getting any if I hadn't gotten pregnant. I feel like I'm cheating him out of something that is rightfully his.
I ate a huge bowl of steel cut oats and a large glass of Ovaltine after that. (they're both supposed to help with milk supply) That seemed to do the trick, but can I just say that I'm sick to death of oatmeal and Ovaltine? I love both of them, but after two weeks of consuming them EVERY DAY I'm not all that crazy about them anymore.

baby, house, d

Baby:
I had an appointment today. Like I suspected, I did NOT need an appointment for blood work. However, I signed in with both kids and waited nearly 30 minutes. Then they called me up to the desk and said that I didn't need an appointment, they could have faxed the paperwork over the very day I called. Grrr. (apparently New Receptionist is an idiot. They seemed to think so too.)
They said that I could still do the blood work, but the kids were getting cranky and that would mean loading them up in the car, a short drive, taking them out and then upstairs, waiting some more and then getting my blood drawn. And for what? For the nurse to call me tomorrow and say "you're pregnant!" Duh!
So, they said it was too early for a dating u/s, as their machine isn't super sensitive and I need to be around 8 weeks. They gave me some paperwork and told me to call back in a few weeks and make an appointment.
Totally unproductive, I should have just cancelled it. The problem is that you'll be charged $50 if you cancel without 24 hours notice, and that means I would have had to call by or before Friday around lunchtime. We were driving home them amidst a throwing up toddler.
Before that I was on vacation and it didn't really occur to me. What a waste. Oh well.

House:
Slab is poured. Framing is going up this week. I fully expect to be able to post pics very soon.

d:
Is potty training. He's doing very well today and let's just say I'm relishing the thought of not having 3 in diapers!

rock and roll!

Excuse the football background noise and the floor that needs to be vaccumed. My baby is trying to crawl!

pics

I'm o-so-tired from our vacation! It's a good thing I have the weekend to recover.

Short rundown:

1 - beach - awesome.

2 - traveling to beach with 2 car haters + lots of screaming - not awesome.

3 - spending a week with family - great!

4 - spending a week with family - annoying!!!

5 - getting stomach virus - terrible.

6 - having child throw up all over car 4 times - yuk!

7 - getting home - fantastic!

8 - memories - priceless!

The long and short of it is that we had a good time. We won't be doing that again, however. Staying with 14 people in one house is bound to get a bit sticky at times. Everybody annoyed everybody else at one point or another. That's how family is. Great in shorter spurts, but sometimes you need some space. Next time, we'll get our own house. Still, it was a successful trip. Next time will be even better.

PS - if you're looking for pictures of me, you'll have to wait till somebody sends me some. In our house, I'm the only one who remembers to take pictures and, well, you can't be in front of the camera if you're behind it. Besides, who needs to see me in a bathing suit?

Oh, those are my purple toes though. Pedicure? A w e s o m e! (thanks C)

FOOD!

I think it must be hard work nursing O and growing baby3 and nourishing my body because all of a sudden I am HUNGRY. I must EAT. All. The. Time.

Today I've already eaten a large bowl of steel cut oats, a large baked potato with garlic salt, a bowl of organic mac n cheese, some assorted fruit, some pretzels, and some pizza, not necessarily in that order. Not all healthy - I know. It was here, I was starving, end of story.

I am only eating to hunger, but that hunger is fierce! yikes!

Other news: Starting early Saturday I will be away from the computer for a whole week! (!!!) So, if you don't hear from me (and you won't because there is no computer or internet) just know I'm on the beach, relaxing and wishing I could have a margarita.

Decisions, decisions

Lots of things are going through my head right now. I am not sure I can write coherently, so a list it is!

1 - I am now assuming that this baby will stick and I hope that I'm not disappointed.

2 - I cannot put a 13 month old in a toddler bed. I think we'll have to get another crib.

3 - Awesome timing on the move to a 4 bedroom house. (foundation is done! Yay!)

4 - My parents now know I'm pregnant. My DAD said he thought I "looked pregnant" last time we talked on the web cam. Does that mean I looked fat? I was annoyed.
So I spilled. My mom's reaction (Don't you know how that happens?) was less than amusing and made me regret telling them at all. Oh well. I'm sure that won't be the first time I hear it. *sigh*
She also wondered, out loud, about my ability to take care of myself, baby3 and O, who is still nursing almost exclusively. It did not make me feel good.

5 - I am very concerned about how I'll know when my milk supply drops. I don't want to starve my baby. I've never used formula, and mentally I have some aversion to starting now. Intellectually I know it's good for him and I'll likely need to, but it's hard coming to grips with that. He's never even had a bottle. For the moment, I'm eating oatmeal several times a day and drinking lots of water. I'm keeping an eye on how satisfied he seems, but being that he's still so young I'm not sure I can keep up with his needs for the next 8 months. I do think it would be nice if he was still nursing when baby3 is born, I've always thought about tandem nursing. I'm quite sure my family will think I'm a freak.

6 - I lost all my O weight before getting pregnant, but I still had about 25 (or 30) lbs I wanted to lose. It's more than a little depressing knowing that this time next year I'll be back where I started. Hopefully I won't gain as much weight this time as I did with d (50lbs) or O (37lbs). I'd be happy to gain less than 30 and I certainly don't need to gain more!

7 - I really like my Dr and I keep thinking that she's going to flip out when she sees me next week. heh

What will be will be

I've decided not to call New Receptionist back and demand a lab slip. After all, it was only for my peace of mind but I know myself. I know that I'll worry over that number even though I KNOW that you can't tell anything from one beta number. (except you're pg or not - which I already know.) I really need to know if they're doubling, and she likes to wait a week for the 2nd beta, and only if the first one is low does she even do a second. I'll be gone next week anyway.

No matter what I do or don't do, test or don't test, worry or don't - it won't change anything. I'll either keep this pregnancy or I won't. So, I'm going to enjoy being pg right now and take care of myself. What will be will be, so I'm just going to let it.

May

The edd of this little surprise is May 15-20, just depending on what the Dr. says when I get an u/s. One small problem with that is that my favorite two people are getting married on May 24th. In a far away state.

Surely baby will be born by then, but what a trip that will be! Talk about rotten timing!

C - are you sure you guys don't want to move down here and start making babies too? We could have some together. It must be something in the water.

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Speaking of the Dr. - I hate it when there is a new receptionist/appointment lady. I called to get blood work done, mostly to ease my mind. I know I AM pregnant, but I was hoping for some nice high beta numbers to put my mind to rest. The lady making appointments clearly didn't know that you don't NEED an appointment to get blood drawn. I just need a little piece of paper and I take myself over to the lab and give them my blood. Voila!

She made me an appointment for the 24th. By then, I'll likely know whether or not this is a healthy pregnancy, and the beta numbers will be useless.
Should I call back and cancel altogether and just make a regular appointment? Or should I just call back and ask for the lab slip (and hope I get someone different to answer the phone.)?

Ohshitohhellohcrapohno

That was my first thought. I can't help it.

Details, let's see...
Well, I thought I was ready to start my "time of the month" on Saturday, right on schedule. This may be too much information. Stop now if you'd like, skip on down to the next paragraph.
OK - I was spotting and that's why I thought I'd start. Went about the day, all prepared, but - nothing but spotting. Sunday same story, just less. Monday, very, very little and definitely old iykwim.


At this point I started to get kind of ticked off, I was so happy that she was here before our week long BEACH vacation that starts on Saturday. So, for shits and giggles I decided to just test. I've got about 50 of those cheap Internet tests to waste. I tested and jumped in a quick shower. When I got out I glanced at it and, much to my surprise, it was positive.
But, it was faint and everybody knows that those tests are cheap, you know? So, I was late for a playdate and stalled my freak out by convincing myself that it was probably a fluke.
When we got home 4 hours later, and I got the kids down for a nap, I took another. It was instantly positive, though still light.

That's when the freak out began. After all, I have a baby. A NEW BABY who isn't even FIVE MONTHS OLD YET! He still nurses all the time. We're moving. I'm losing weight. I was just starting to like this running thing. I have a baby. I just did this. I just did this!! Didn't I just do this?
Heavy breathing, panic attack, head down, breathing in a paper bag, call to husband revealed that it WILL be OK after all. He said he was happy. I realized that I'm happy too.
He said that children are always a blessing. I came down from Freakout Mountain and realized that he's right. I could breathe again.
He was my calm in the storm when I needed him most. Thank God.
If he had freaked out too (how many times have I used the word freak in this post?) I might be halfway to Crazy Town by now. (instead of just 1/4 of the way. heh)

So, there's the story. My family doesn't know, D's family doesn't know, (short of a couple friendly, trustable relatives that read this blog) and we're going to keep it that way for now.
Tomorrow I'm calling the DR and will hopefully get a blood test. The baby will be due in May. (O turns 1 in April, d turns 3 in March) I really can't believe it yet though.
I had a miscarriage last year before I got pregnant with O and it started much the same way as this pregnancy (the spotting, not the freaking) so I'm hopeful that things will be alright.
I keep wondering if my body can really do this again so soon. Note to self: Stop forgetting to take vitamins.

There are a million things running through my head. Will O get enough milk just from nursing? He's still so young and depends on me so much. How will I know when my supply drops?
Will I have 3 in diapers? Will O even be walking by the time baby3 comes along?
I almost just fainted writing "baby3." I think I need to stop thinking before I fly once more to the top of Freakout Mountain.

I can't breathe.

Scheduled freak out in progress.

Successes and Failures

Parenthood is a time in your life where things can go from blissfully wonderful to screamingly wrong in a manner of seconds.
When your children are smiling lovingly at each other, playing quietly on the airplane and inciting compliments from those around you, you think; I could have a whole load of kids! I'm good at this! Where's that Mother of the Year Award?

Then, the next second, your 2 year old is screeching that he wants to "GET OFF AIRPLANE!" regardless of the fact that you're thousands of feet in the air. The baby is crying from who knows what, but it's loud and annoying and people around you are starting to cringe and make excuses to go to the bathroom. (which everybody knows should be avoided at all costs during air travel.)
That's when you think about scheduling a vasectomy for your husband, even though he claims he's not stressed. (as he sits by himself across the aisle with a magazine after a nice nap)

Five minutes later the tides may have turned again and it's this constant ebb and flow that makes mothers - or at least this mother - a little bit crazy and frazzled.

To be honest, most days are a lot more good than bad but those really bad, BAD days are the ones that really make me think about being a mother. The successes (your 2.5 year old FINALLY sleeping through the night. Finally!) and perceived failures (potty training? What's that?) are what makes this parenthood thing so rewarding and so frustrating.
It's like we're mice stuck in a giant maze and around every corner there's either a piece of yummy cheese or a little electric shock. Birthday cake for breakfast? ZAP!

Then of course, are the things you just can't control. I've learned that you can't make a kid sleep, or eat, or sometimes, do just about anything. I've learned so many tricks to coerce said child into doing those things that some days I feel like a magician. What will I pull out of my magic hat next?!

I don't know all the answers, and I'm nowhere near a perfect parent. We all just do the best we can, even if that means that sometimes we just try to survive. After all, isn't that a success in itself some days?

I'm back!

We survived! Isn't that what's really important?
But seriously, if someone could figure out how you can sit in an airport for TWO HOURS with 2 small GROUCHY children, no more than 50 yards from your gate and STILL manage to miss your flight, let me know. Because I still haven't figured it out.

Also, if you were on a flight with 2 small children who spent some time being cute and well behaved and some other time screaming, crying, not sleeping, and wanting to "get OUT!" of the airplane - that was me.
Hi! How are you? Enjoy your flight?

Well folks, traveling is stressful but believe me when I say it could have been a lot worse. *EDIT*
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In other news, it's my birthday! I'm 26 and getting closer to 30 everyday.
Aww, who am I kidding? I'm still young.
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Also, the C25k is going well except I'm not following their plan really. I'm just running for however long I can whenever I get the chance, but at least 3x a week. It's working for me and I've finally lost another 2 lbs so I'm going to keep it up. The timer was just stressing me out.
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10 days till our beach vacation! I can't wait. I'm ready to start packing right now!!!! This one will be a TRUE vacation I hope. I'm going to kick back, relax and have some fun.
D & I will celebrate the 10 year anniversary of our first date while we're there. I can't believe I've been with him for 10 years and I'm only 26. That's a good chunk of my life.
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I've started drinking coffee. I've never liked the stuff, but I feel like I can no longer cope without some sort of a crutch. I seriously have not slept all night in over 2 1/2 years people! O is shaping up to be a crappy sleeper too. I blame my husband, but it doesn't really matter. I can't throw them back now.