Reflections of 2008

Oh, 2008, what a year it's been! It's been good knowing you through the highs and the lows.

We had some good times. Baby C was born and that was surely the crown jewel in the tiara that is 2008. I also got a new niece, and the country got a new president. This election will be written about in the history books and November 4th was a happy day for me indeed. I can't discount the everyday blessings either. D's continued success at a stable job is especially a blessing during these difficult economic times. A home I love, good friends and only moderately crazy family are all blessings to be counted.

Ah, but we had bad times too. The depression that I couldn't seem to shake until the years end neared. The traveling horrors. The 3 months in a far away state that nearly did me in. Lastly, the losses. So many losses. While I didn't personally lose anyone close to me this year, it hurts my heart to count up all that friends and family have lost. Whether it was a soul waiting to be born or an old soul ready to move on, the loss of what could have been, or the loss of what was; it was tragic. Too much loss and heartbreak. I hope the new year brings peace to those who suffered this year.

There have been highs and lows my friend, but I welcome 2009. Bring it on!

Merry Christmas!

To V or Not to V.

That is the question.

How do people ever know when they're done having kids? This has been on my mind more than Christmas cookies lately. Baby C is 7 months old, O Baby is 20 months and d is 3y9m so we have time to decide, but I can't stop thinking about it.
When C was born, we talked about re-evaluating our feelings and situation when he turned one. Things are going very well lately, but many days - even good days - I feel satisfied with the number of kids we have. (On bad days you couldn't convince me to have more!)

Here's the thing; I feel like having more babies would be tempting fate. Like, getting greedy or something. We have so much already!!
We're not rich by any means, but we have 3 beautiful, healthy, smart, cute, wonderful kids. We have a blessed life. Our kids have more toys than they need, they have their own rooms, they have pets, and enough food to eat and far more cool stuff to do than I had when I was a kid. By worldly standards, we have more than a large portion of people do. On top of that, I've had easy(-ish) pregnancies, and no complications. I guess it's a "quit while you're ahead" type of feeling.
Plus, I think of the future and the sports, extra curricular activities, clothes, "toys," college, etc and wonder if we can really, truly afford to have more kids. I'm sure we could make it work with some sacrifice but I'm not sure how much I really want to sacrifice.

But are we ready to make it permanent?

NO more babies? NO more pregnancies? NO more nursing, rocking, first teeth, first crawls, first foods?

There are oh-so-many wonderful things about having more babies. I'm quite sure that I'd never regret any baby we were blessed with. But the drive is gone, or at least greatly diminished.
I have a strong urge to get on to the next stage of life. A stage where I'm not hugely pregnant or nursing or lending my body for a little humans' use. A stage where everyone can walk and talk and wipe their own behind.
I think the current economic situation of our country has a part in that too. I am not entirely sure that I want to bring another baby into the world right now. (But I'm not entirely NOT sure either.)

So, D is 70/30 on wanting more kids (or just not wanting the big V, haha) and I'm 60/40 on not wanting more kids. I know this isn't urgent, we can wait and decide this later. But I'm a planner by nature and I like to have planned, in my head, whether or not we will be going down this road again.

There are so many people who ask if we're going to try for a girl, and for a long time I was certain I wouldn't feel complete without a daughter. Now I'm not certain of that. I do have nieces, and while I'm sad that I might not ever have that mother/daughter relationship I think it's a dream I could reasonably let go of. (as if I had a choice!)
I'm not sure I could take the disappointed comments if we got pregnant with a 4th boy either! That was brutal last time, especially because I was initially sad that #3 wasn't a girl. It was enough to make my eyes well up with tears every time someone was sorry for us that it was a boy AGAIN. Now I can't imagine little C being a girl, he's such a sweet, wonderful little boy and I'm so glad for my 3 little men. I have high hopes that they'll be good friends down the road, as they are now.

When we got married and started discussing having children, I was adamant that we would have 4 children. 2 boys and 2 girls. Clearly this was when I still believed that wishes = reality! Part of that dream is dead now since 4 is my absolute upper limit on children, unless we get twins, so we can, obviously, not have 2 girls.

(As an aside - D works with several people who have 12+ kids!! And homeschool! And grow their own wheat to bake their own bread and obviously are way better at this than I am. -I wish I was kidding!-)

Then again, it's been a long and pregnant couple of years. Perhaps when Baby C starts looking toddler-ish I'll feel my uterus cry out again! For the time being, I just can't get over how unsure I am. After d and O baby were born, I was immediately sure that I wasn't done having kids. By immediately I mean IN the delivery room I looked at my husband and said, "We have got to do this again!" (Could that be why he doesn't think L&D is "that bad?" )

The. Best. Cookies. EVER

Andes Creme de Menthe Chunk Cookies

1/2 cup butter - softened (I may have used about a TBSP less)
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
1 pkg Andes Creme de Menthe chips
2 2/3 cups all purpose flour (I used 2 cups)

Blend first 7 ingredients together. Stir in baking chips, then flour. Bake on greased cookie sheet on middle rack for 8-10 minutes at 350 degrees.

Warning - Do NOT taste the cookie dough. (Not because of the raw eggs, but because you will not be able to stop eating it. Yum!)

Makes about 3 dozen cookies using the Pampered Chef medium size scoop.

I'm sending 3/4 of these cookies with D to work tomorrow. They are THAT good.

PS- this recipe is on the bag, but they have rather fussy directions and I didn't follow all their "chill for an hour, measure a 1 oz portion" stuff.

Tis the season

This time of year it always occurs to me just how blessed I am. This year is even better than most from recent memory - and I know this is going to sound cheesy, but I have truly not been this happy in years. I'm busy, but I'm less stressed than normal. Things still bother me, but not so much that I feel the need to freak out or break down or drink a bottle of wine with a box of chocolate. (Now I just have one glass and 2 truffles. haha.) There actually are things that are going wrong, yet I'm just appropriately upset. 2 months ago I would have been stressed beyond measure.

Right now, I just feel blessed. I have a lovely home, more possessions than anyone really needs, 2 paid for cars, 3 sweet, healthy kids and a loving husband with a stable job. My kids will have a Christmas and we can afford to help others who are less fortunate. What else is there, really?

There are a couple of things I can attribute to my happiness right now. First of all, I really AM blessed - which is reason enough to be happy.
Secondly, I realize that my body has finally regulated somehow and the fog that's been over me since O was born has lifted. I didn't realize how thick the fog was until it was gone.
Lastly, for the first time in my life, I've learned how to say no. As a people pleaser, this is a big deal for me. We said NO to traveling for Christmas and too many gifts and things that stress me out. I say yes to the things that are obligations, and to things that I want to do and enjoy. I never knew what a difference this would make. It took me 27 years to realize that saying NO is OK. It's freeing.

Now, I'm going to say yes to a Christmas cookie.

whoopsie

I guess I've been gone awhile. I didn't realize I hadn't posted since November! Time is really slipping by these days! How about a list to catch things up?

1 - d's in preschool and loving it. However it takes me 20-25 minutes to get there so by the time I drop him off, sign him in and take the other 2 boys home, it's taken about an hour. Same thing when I pick him up. That's a bummer for me, but he really does love it.

2 - I'm learning how to make homemade bread and jam with some failures and lately, more successes. For some reason, I am a bread dunce. It's always been hard for me to figure out how to get it to come out right, but I made a yummy loaf last night. Yay me!
We're using it for D's lunch sandwich bread and I'm planning to make some for Christmas gifts. Fresh, homemade bread wrapped in a pretty red dishtowel and homemade jam in jeweled jars. Seems like a good gift to me!

3 - I made a huge batch of chocolate covered peanut butter crackers last night for gifts too. They're so simple, just a little time consuming. I made enough to make 6 batches of 1 dozen each. There were 3 left over for me and D too.



Saltines or Ritz crackers (I used half and half)
peanut butter (I used the all natural kind, but regular works fine too)
white almond bark
chocolate almond bark

Assemble the cracker "sandwiches" while the chocolate (I did white first, then chocolate) melts on the stove top. When it's fully melted, dip and cover. Then let them dry/harden on wax paper. They're yummy and make good gifts, although they aren't perfectly attractive.
I find the saltines are easier for dipping but harder for peanut butter spreading, just as a hint.

4 - Last, but not least, we got a puppy! Yes, I may have gone slightly crazy. Ah, but she's so cute and the kids adore her. d plays with her all the time, but I just happened to catch this cute video of O dancing and playing music for Lucy.

Untitled from Devan on Vimeo.

So, that's about it. Just keeping busy with getting ready for the holidays, preschool, playgroups, our house, bills, rental house, charity, rugby, trying to lose weight and all the other, everyday 3 kids, 2 dogs and a cat and a husband type stuff.

The weight of the world

has been lifted off my shoulders.

I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened, but for the first time in a long time, I feel... like myself again.

I have struggled and struggled with feelings of depression since after O baby was born, I never really got past it before I got pregnant again (after all - he was only 4 months old!) and I spent much of baby C's pregnancy fighting the feelings I was having.
Now, baby C is 6 months old and feel like I just poked my heads out of the clouds. I can see the sun!

Honestly, life hasn't gotten any easier. Yes, we're home again, but there are more stresses than ever, more things to do and places to be and still lots of things that are frustrating and annoying and downright anger inducing.
And yet, I'm OK. I'm coping and doing pretty well. I yell less, I have more patience and even the dog isn't as annoying as she was 3 months ago.

Could it be that my body is finally regulating somehow? I don't know what happened. I haven't taken anything, done anything or tried anything, but something changed. I literally feel like a weight has lifted from me. I know that sounds so... odd... but it's the only way to describe it.

My only regret is that I realize now that I probably was mildly depressed and probably should have done something about it but didn't. I could have felt better long ago. I think I felt like this for SO long that it felt like my new normal. I didn't like it, but I couldn't be sure if it wasn't just "the way life is now." If there's a next time, I'll know better.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

A butterfly!

Thanks to Michelle and Jackie!
I've received 2 butterfly awards! Now, for the rules. (yes, there are always rules...)

1. Put the award up on your blog.

2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.

3. Nominate at least seven other blogs.

4. Add links to these blogs on your blog.

5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog.

And my nominees are:
(Oh SO hard to only choose 7!)

1 - Swistle

2 - Jess @ Du Wax Loolu

3 - Constance the First

4 - Semi-Desperate Housewife

5 - Mommy Daisy

6 - The Muddled Sage

7 - Slightly Cosmopolitan

Ok, I admit I didn't even check to see if you guys had already been awarded one so if you have, sorry!

Figures.

We had Christmas pictures this morning and after all that fretting about what to wear you can't even SEE it in the pictures. You can see my head, and approximately this * * much of my legs.
Glad I wore the jeans. I even tried to get my cute shoes in the picture, but they were cropped out.
Oh well.

In other news, something big happened yesterday.

That's right, d had his first day of preschool! It was big to me, but apparently, to him it was NO BIG THANG. He waved goodbye and didn't ask about me again until 12:45, when he informed his teacher he was ready to go home. School is over at 1, so that was good timing on his part.


I'm so glad he loved it and didn't cry or get upset. I just can't believe my first baby is old enough to be going to preschool. I had nervous tummy all day.

It was one of those times that I wish time would slow down just a little.

Fashion/Hair/Paint

Some updates & pictures!

Fashion post - Thanks for all your help!! I've decided that the skirt looks better but I'll probably wear jeans for 2 reasons.

1) Several of you pointed out that I should consider how we'll be posed and in years past we've been on the floor. Jeans will be better for that, and either way you probably won't see much of my legs. (Because of children piled on top of them.)

2) The boys & husband will all be wearing jeans so it will look more cohesive that way.

I'm also wearing that outfit for Baby C's baptism next Saturday though, and in that case, I will wear the skirt. So, win win. Thank you all so much for the tips and advice!!!
PS - I wanted red shoes for this outfit but couldn't find any I like so I got the black ones pictured instead. I actually got them at Wal-Mart for $17.00. Surprising, I know!
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I got a hair cut yesterday! I haven't had it cut since Baby C was 2 weeks old and he turns 6 MONTHS (really!!) old on Monday. I only got it trimmed a bit, the big thing was getting it thinned. I have super duper, crazy thick hair. I was waiting on O's prescription (have I mentioned all 3 kids had croup this week?) and went into the little drop in place next door. It was fast and cheap, but I probably won't go back. Hair cuts should not be that unpleasant. Ouch. I do think it looks decent though. It actually doesn't look all that different than my hair ever looks, but it's so much thinner! When she got done thinning it there was a pile of hair on the floor bigger and taller than my cat. And I really am NOT exaggerating. She couldn't get over how much hair I had and kept going - "you have LOT of hair! Do you get headaches?!"

heh

Before - It had gotten so thick and heavy that a lot of the natural curl was gone. I had to resort to wearing it pulled back almost all the time.

After

From the side.

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Paint post - here are some pictures of my living room and dining room so you can make suggestions. (Pardon the mess.) We still haven't decided anything other than we want some shade of deep-ish red in the living room. O has colored on our bathroom walls recently so we'll probably also paint those. *sigh*

Dining room from corner by window.

Dining room from kitchen doorway. It occurs to me that maybe we need furniture before we worry about painting. In any case, we're considering a white chair rail, and then a green to match one of the lighter greens in the rug on the bottom and leaving the top the same color it is now.

Entryway. This needs to be some color that meshes with both the living and dining room (to the right in the pic) OR we could leave it. ??

Living room from kitchen doorway. (In next picture.)

Living room from corner as seen in previous picture. There is an identical doorway into the kitchen just on the other side of that TV. This is a very large room, so I'm not worried about a dark color making it seem small.

Bathroom counter top. More brown and tan. What a shock!

Wall that has been colored on twice now. The blue streaks are much more apparent in person, unfortunately. We could tile the wall around the tub instead, but that's more work and more expensive - though it might look better...

Saturday update over.

ACK

Slightly insecure obsessive fashion HELP post. You'll just have to forgive the pictures that are fuzzy. Damn camera isn't working well on the timer.

Christmas pictures are on Wednesday. I'm so flustered about what to wear that I'm considering making the pictures "kids only" but we always get a family picture at this time of year, and only once a year and it feels childish to sit it out because I'm pouting over the way I look. *sigh* This is the heaviest I ever been, non-pregnant, and the weight is just NOT coming off. However, that's another post for another day. Right now, I need fashion help!

Now, please, I'm begging you to be HONEST but KIND because my fragile ego can't take too harsh of criticism. K?

____________________________________________________
This is the top I picked. (I know, bad picture...) It's grey and black-ish with a red cami underneath. I was planning to wear it with my plain black skirt but when I tried it on I wasn't sure.
There are several issues here.

1) Do I wear the shirt at all or start over?

2) Do I wear it all the way buttoned or just one button buttoned?


3) Do I wear it with jeans or a skirt? And THIS skirt or does it look... funny?

4) IF I wear it with jeans, can I still wear my new shoes or do I have to wear something else? (The jeans are boot cut)

More Crafty!

Apparently, I've been taken over by some sort of crafty-sewing bug. I decided to make my nieces some pillowcase dresses for their birthdays!
Pattern here!

I didn't take any pictures of the pillowcases before I started, but here they are after the arms, neck and ties are sewn.
That bottle of wine in the background has nothing to do with my not remembering to take pictures. *ahem*

Then I sewed on the pink ribbon at the bottom.



Some cute, flowery buttons for the top.



Finished!


One for each niece!

These were surprisingly easy. If I had a little girl, I'd be making these all the time!

Project cost:
~ $17.00 for both dresses ($8.50 apiece) and I had some ribbon and elastic left over.

I'd say it would have taken about 2-3 hours if I had sat down and worked on them from start to finish. Since it was my first time, it took longer. I bet I could do it in half the time next time.

Look at me! I'm crafty!

I made a craft!! Woo hoo!! These I-Spy bags are great for long car rides, or plane trips. I made them in preparation for our trip to Texas next week. Or to keep my mind off it, one or the other.


Here's the pattern! Even better, they cost me almost nothing and I had almost everything to make them just sitting around the house!

First, you'll need some material. You can make the bag as big or small as you like. Mine aren't very big. Remember you have to fill them with rice or polyfill or something. The green one is the edge of an old pillowcase, so that made it even easier for me. Recycling and less sewing!

Cut them to the desired size. (these are folded in half.)

Cut out center for window of I-Spy bag. Cut a small slit in each corner of the window to fold under when you sew.

Then you'll need some vinyl. I just cut up an old bedspread bag. More recycling!

Cut the vinyl bigger than the window, to make it easier to sew. Fold over material and pin away from the edge. You don't want too many holes in the vinyl.

Sew it, then trim the excess vinyl and sew up the rest of the pillow, leaving a small space to fill it. Turn inside right.

You'll need rice (or polyfill) to fill up the bag. I didn't actually fill mine, rice is heavy! I put in about one large bag of rice in each I-Spy pillow.
I also used some teeny alphabet pasta in d's - so he can see letters instead of just the rice.

You'll also need things to put inside the bags. Most of this was stuff I found around the house. The only thing I bought were the buttons in shapes of cars, trains and rockets. There were 12 in a bag for less than $3.

Fill them up, sew up the hole and top-stitch around the whole pillow. You're done!

They're a hit!

Random Saturday

Phew! What a week! I've been so busy, I couldn't even bring myself to sit and blog.

1) I enrolled d in preschool. It took some calling to find a place with an opening, but we found one and visited. He is VERY excited. I'm excited too, but when I saw him put on that little backpack I bought... Well. That was like seeing the last 3 years and 8 months flash before my eyes. I'm going to be a mess the day he actually STARTS. We will both get used to it and survive and thrive and all that, but geez. He's starting SCHOOL. (kind of)


2) THE ELECTION IS OVER. Thank goodness. I'm not going to discuss it anymore. I will say, though, that I'm very saddened by the propositions discriminating against gay people across our country. I have hope for the future though.


3) Halloween was a blast! Too much candy was bought, got and eaten. Ugh.



4) We went to the pumpkin patch after Halloween this year. Backwards, I know. It was the only time we could fit it in though. A good time was had by all.



5) My tiny, newborn, newest baby boy is trying his darnedest to grow up. Why do kids always do that?



He's not crawling yet, but it's only a matter of time now. I swear that the first year goes by so fast that it's just a blur! I mean, Baby C will be 6 MONTHS old on the 17th. That's crazy!


6) The last week has been a whirlwind of play dates, shopping trips, appointments and chores. I feel like I've never been so busy! Now, d will be going to preschool 2 days a week from 9-1 and we have music class on Fridays @ 10 for all 3. On top of that, the week before Thanksgiving, we're going to Texas and getting Baby C baptised. Thankfully, we found cheap flights, so we don't have to drive!! I don't think we'll be traveling for Christmas this year. I'm already sick of traveling and we haven't even made our next trip yet.


7) Remember my friend, T? The one who was in the delivery room with me for Baby C's birth? She makes tutus. Unfortunately for me, I do not have daughters. Fortunately for me, I DO have 3 girly-girl nieces! LOOK at these!!!!!

My only regret with this picture is that I do not have a suitable model. They are seriously cute, but my boys ran for the hills when I showed them. *sigh*


8) I took Penny & Tiger to the vet yesterday. Tiger is in perfect health. Penny is healthy too, however she gained 10 lbs in the 3 months we were gone! The vet said that was a little "excessive" for a dog. So, Penny is on a diet. He also wanted us to have her teeth cleaned, which they have recommended the last 3 years running. We have yet to comply. I think we're pretty good pet owners, but it's expensive! She has to be put under and when it's all said and done it's several hundred dollars! For a teeth cleaning! For a dog!
I could (and according to the vet, should) brush her teeth, but who are we kidding? Some days I can't even remember if I've brushed my OWN teeth. I already have 4 mouths I'm responsible for brushing/keeping clean and I will not be adding another. I mean, animals don't really need their teeth brushed, do they?

Credit

Paint and candles

So, our whole living room house is brown, wood colored or, erhm.... more shades of brown. Don't get me wrong, I LIKE brown. (and tan, wood colored, cocoa...)
But I need some color in my life! I want to paint the living room. Someday I'd also like to paint the kitchen and dining room but for now I'll settle for the living room. We don't even have furniture in the dining room for goodness sakes!

So - opinions!

The pictures aren't really clear, but I think you get the point. I picked up these paint sample colors. I like the first one, Chutney, but I think it's more, uh, brown. The second one, Roasted Pepper, is nice too, but maybe TOO red. The living room is huge, so that's a lot of red. I also like the last one, Brazilian Flame, but it's a bit too... purple. Opinions on these?




Then I was washing dishes and looking at the yummy smelling candles I bought (mulled cider and pumpkin spice) and thought they were the perfect colors! I'd like the redder one for the living room, and the butternutty looking one for the dining room (someday). It's so hard to tell from the pictures, but try to picture it without the flash and shiny look.



OR - do you think any shade of red is just too much?

Fluffy Pumpkin Cookies

I made this recipe up as I went, so I'm approximating but I think I got pretty close.

Ingredients:
3 1/2 cups whole wheat or white flour (I used half and half)
~ 2 cups pumpkin pie filling
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1-2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ginger NUTMEG! Sorry.
1/2 stick of butter (1/4 cup)

Mix it up, scoop onto greased cookie sheets and bake for about 10 minutes at 350. They are fluffy, not especially pretty, but YUMMY!

Optional: Top with cream cheese frosting and sprinkles.

De-clutter

My Meetup group is having a toy swap next Saturday! Take a look at the toys I've rounded up for this event:

That's 5 boxes of toys. I am NOT intending to swap evenly, but rather just get RID of my toys. I'll probably get one "new" toy for each boy and that's all. The leftovers from the swap will go to charity.

I'd like to say that those 5 boxes represent 1/3 or even a 1/2 of my kids toys, but that is sadly not true. Those were only the toys they never played with or had duplicates of. They still have FAR too many toys. I look forward to getting rid of the "baby toys" when we're out of that stage. I can't stand clutter!