Mother's Day

Yes, I know Mother's Day was awhile ago, but my bracelet just came in the mail Friday and I've had the stomach flu over the weekend. (YES. The long holiday weekend with my husband who I have barely seen and we stayed home and did nothing. ugh.)
Anyway, my head is still hurting even though the rest of me is feeling a lot better so I can't think of much clever to say. (If I ever do.)
Here are some pictures instead:

^ Here's the bracelet, click on it to see the text. I LOVE it, even if I did have to wait almost a whole month to get it. It's beautiful.

Below you will see me, wearing my new bracelet and also the birdie earrings I got for Mother's Day. 2 pretty great gifts if you ask me.

Now I must go to bed and rest my brain for I have no sick days left, er... ever.

Silent Sunday: My Blessings in Pictures

#10

I was reading this post over at Her Bad Mother and it really resonated with me. The whole thing is so true, but especially #10.
I'm sure we've all heard the quote, “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” (~Elizabeth Stone)
 
I have always thought that quote was sort of lame slash sappy and annoying. It's still not a quote I would repeat unless forced - BUT - I get it. When my first child was placed in my arms, I understood. As they grow, it's becoming ever more apparent what the author of that quote meant.

There are so many awful things that can happen to our kids. So many bad things that even thinking about a fraction of them is enough to take my breath away.
And to lose a child? A child you've come to know and love for their funny grin, spunky attitude, or curious mind? I'm not sure I could bear it. I feel certain I would crumble. I have had a miscarriage, and that was hard. One of the most emotionally painful events of my life. So, to lose a child later? Surely, I'm not strong enough. I pray desperately that I will never, ever, have to find out.
No matter how *I* die, I pray it's long before my precious children do.
(But after they are no longer minors, please, k?!!)

It's not just the drastic though. I think about the choices they will have. The dumb mistakes they will most definitely make. The possibilities are endless, and not just when they're children, or even teenagers, but also as adults!  Sure, it could be something small, like getting a dumb tattoo after having too much to drink. Or, it could be something huge, something that will land them in jail or other, unbearable, consequences. Yes, to have 4 little humans out there with the ability to break my heart like no one else - that is the rub. The hardest part of being a parent. Isn't it also a joy though? To be so proud of someone else that your heart might burst; to love someone so much that you would - without a thought or reservation - give anything to save them. I'm sure there will be good and bad moments. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. After all, that's life, right?

Learning to let go will most likely be one of my biggest struggles as a parent. (Look at d, just getting ready to go off to Kindergarten and I'm practically in a panic over it. !!)
It's the job of a parent. You spend your time raising them, teaching them, taking care of their every need - often at the expense of your own needs - and then? You're expected to just scoot them out the door, onto the school bus, or into a dorm room or out into the big, wide world to make their mistakes and live their life and find their dreams.

Yes, parenthood is both hard and worth it, beyond description.

Tidbits

* Ah, so posting things that come to me in the middle of the night is always interesting, no? Thanks for all your comments on the religion post. I agree that I need to find a church I can feel at home in. The problem is that my husband is not on board with it, which seems ridiculous since he's been to church as much (almost none) as me and surely a church we love is more important than a Catholic church, right?
*sigh*
We'll work on it.

* C is fully potty trained and I don't really know how it happened. He said he wanted to use the potty and I let him and after a few days with no accidents in pull ups - even at nap time! - I put him in underwear. He's doing great. Considering what a nightmare the older 2 boys were/still sometimes are for the 3 yr old, this is a blessing. I guess we were owed an easy potty trainer. It's funny because C has been my most challenging child in most other ways, so this is completely unexpected!

* I ordered that Seng Ware and here it is! I also got the teapot, but it hasn't arrived yet.

I wish it had a tray like the Fiesta Ware, but maybe I'll find one that works.

* D's working an insane amount of overtime again. He's on a mandatory 50 hour work week right now, because there is so much work to do before some deadline. Yesterday he was at work by 6:30AM and didn't get home till 7:30PM. Then he played with the kids for 20 minutes, since they were already up past their bedtime, and then worked from home until around 11:30PM. Insane.

* The garden is doing pretty well, but the rabbits are going to town in there. We've fixed the fence a little bit better now, so hopefully they won't be able to eat everything anymore. The one thing they apparently don't like is mustard greens so we have lots of those. I had NEVER eaten them before, and D hadn't either, so I don't know why he even planted those. However, I made them Sunday and yesterday and I really, really like them. Greens seem so Southern, I feel like a real Southern Mama making them. I actually really like them though, and they don't have any WW points either, so that's something.

Recipe:
pound or so of mustard greens, ripped into large-ish pieces
1 Tbsp butter or olive oil
half an onion, diced
1/2 Tbsp minced garlic
red pepper flakes - to taste
1/2 cup chicken broth
bacon (I used a lean turkey deli meat, diced, for less fat/calories)

Saute all the ingredients except the broth and greens. When the onions are carmelized, add the greens, then the broth, cover and simmer about 20-30 minutes or until greens are tender.

* Miss L is really trying to scoot/crawl and she is now very proficient at going backwards and in circles. Someday fairly soon she will likely achieve forward motion. My last crawler.

A Crisis of Faith

Where to begin? I’m hopped up on little sleep and the LOST finale, so bear with me as I try to write down this post that has been floating around my brain for over a year now.
I had gone to bed tonight, later than usual, and was trying to drift off to sleep but I could not. My body wouldn’t settle, my brain was racing and I fought it for 20 minutes before I decided to get up and write. My computer was not cooperating and it took me almost a full 10 minutes just to get a word processor open.
I should definitely be sleeping instead, because the baby will be up soon to nurse and the boys will be up early in the morning. It’s hours past my bedtime. But, here I am anyway, just so I can tell you this.

I’m lost.

I don’t know when it started, but my faith in God, and in religion has wavered. I feel like I’m wandering around out here, and I can’t reconcile what I feel in my heart and what I know in my head and where that puts me.

I should clarify that I do believe in God. I know some people don’t, and that’s fine for them but I’ve always just believed it and I don’t see myself ever stopping. I do believe in Jesus as well and in being a good person. That about covers it I guess, as far as religion goes.

I don’t feel like I have a personal relationship with God, the kind I hear some people talk about. I have never felt him speaking to me in a literal sense and yet I believe other people do. So why not me? Perhaps I just haven’t needed to hear him yet? I pray to him at meals, but that’s really just reciting words that I don’t even have to think about anymore. I pray for other people a lot, and I believe that it must do some good.
I feel extremely thankful for all that I have, I know it’s a wonderful life I have. But I know people who are far better people than I who have to struggle. A lot. And it makes my faith waver more. Why can’t things be easier for them? What is the point of good people suffering?

I believe in gay rights - all of them. I believe in evolution and that the Bible is made up of a lot of parables. Does it make me less of a Christian because I vote Democrat in most elections? I believe women should be able to be pastors/priests/etc and find it angers me when it’s not allowed. I don’t believe every word in the Bible is the literal truth, and if it IS, well then I think that makes my faith waver even more. What kind of church does that put me in?
Not my current one. Although, “my” is almost laughable considering how many times I’ve stepped foot in there in the last year. You wouldn’t need more than 1 hand to count them.

So where do I belong? I haven’t figured it out yet, and even when I do, my husband may or may not be on board. That is a hard place to be in.

I still know I’m a good person. I am kind to others, and do good things and live my life in a way that I’m proud of - at least most of the time. I know God exists. When I look in my children’s faces there is no doubt in my mind, or my heart. There is just so much I don’t understand, and SO MUCH I can’t reconcile.

I don’t really know how I want to end this post. I’ve thought about it many times and never came up with a  closer. I guess it’s because I don’t know the answers I’m looking for yet.

Silent Sunday: My Blessings in Pictures

One lump or two?

I've started using coconut milk in my coffee in the mornings - bonus! 1 cup = 2 WW points! - and right now I'm just using a measuring spoon to measure it out, but I thought a little creamer jar would be perfect! SO - I'm on the hunt for a creamer and sugar set. I won't use the sugar bowl, most likely, but would prefer a set anyway. Bonus if it comes with a cute little spoon.

I had no idea how many cute sets there are. I'm having the hardest time deciding!! I went to my 3 favorite stores, Target, Amazon and Etsy. (NOTE - I'm not getting anything from anyone for writing this, but if you click on an Amazon link and buy something, I think I get a few cents.)

Etsy:
WhitneySmith's shop has the cutest bird creamer! I realllly love this one, but the colors aren't right for my kitchen. So. Cute. though

.
2 - PigeonToeCeramic's shop has adorable creamers. I love the shape and the different colors!

3 - RattyandCatty's shop has tons of cool, vintage stuff but I love this cream pitcher. It looks a lot like my utensil holder, but it's not a set, so I kept looking.

4 - Clayswan's shop has a really cool set! There are different colors too!  Just look at this:

Target:
At Target I looked for Completer Sets, because I didn't see any creamer and sugar sets I liked. Here are the 2 I strongly considered:

1 - Adorne  I really like this one, and the fact that it comes with more pieces, but I decided against white in the end. I already have a nice serving tray that is similar as well.  I loved that bowl though!

2 - Rustic Cranberry Now THIS one is fabulous. I LOVE that color, I looooove the price and the only reason I decided against it is the creamer handle. I just don't like square lines today, I guess.  One of you should definitely buy it though.

Amazon:
1- Just look at this Pflatzgraph set! Oh, how I love it! The colors *might* work in my kitchen... oh... I just don't know! It's so cute! Definitely in the running.

2 - Now, normally I'm not a huge fan of stainless steel because there are just too many little fingerprints around here! I just recently got a new coffee pot and it's stainless and even though I'm the only one who touches it, there are still lots of fingerprints - so... probably no on these. BUT - look how cute this Bodum set is!

3 - Fiesta! Oh, I love Fiesta Ware. Love it. Love it. Love it. The only thing keeping me from buying this set right now is 1- I can't decide between orange and red and 2- the shipping on both is nearly $13.  (some of the colors have free shipping.) They are still in the running though, I may just see if I can find a local retailer. If they'd had a set that included the teapot, I probably would have snatched it right up.

4 - This one is sitting in MY Amazon cart right now. It is most definitely the front runner! SengWare is just adorable. It's actually from Target, but these pieces are only available online and the Target website didn't have the color I wanted. They also have some great teapots. Check out the link to see a picture of the super cute spoon. (click the blue colored set)

I'd likely get the teapot with infuser too, but in Pimento instead of Tangerina, which is pictured above.

I have both red and orange in the kitchen (and throughout the house) so I'm leaning towards these, but it's so hard to decide!!

Dear...

Dear Judgemental Mommy,
You are going to have to eat your words. Having an opinion is fine, but realize we all do things our own way and it doesn't make us a bad parent. When you have one child, and a baby at that, there is a lot you haven't experienced yet. The holier than thou attitude is hard to swallow. This gig is hard enough, so let's just lay off the judgement, m'kay?
Signed,
Been There

Dear Lee from AI,
I have been singing "Hallelujah" all night. *swoon*
Love,
Big Fan

Dear New Coffee Pot,
The feature that ensures coffee will be made automatically before I even get up is a life saver. I love you more than Lee.
Love,
Bleary Eyed

Dear Freezer,
NOT COOL defrosting overnight and leaving a large puddle of water on the floor. What do you mean, *I* didn't shut the door all the way?!
Signed,
Oops and Irritated

Dear Ice Cream,
Next time I reach for you, just slap me. Why I thought it would be a good idea to eat ice cream after being off most dairy for 6 months, I do not know.
Signed,
Big Bloated Mistake

Dear C,
I can't believe you insisted on using the potty and now you're wearing underwear and are 75% potty trained. How did this happen?
Love,
Not Complaining!

Dear Parents,
Please move here. I know I say that nearly every day, but I'm seriously not kidding. I swear we will take care of you when you get old, but it would be nice to have you here now while we can all enjoy each other.
Love,
Us

Dear Users,
You should think about how you treat people and then ask yourself why you get nothing in return. You reap what you sow.
Signed,
Resentful

Dear Me,
Let's get back on the weight loss wagon now. No more birthday cake (definitely no more ice cream.)
Did you forget we have a beach vacation coming up in a few months?
Love,
WantToShrink

Dear Allergies,
Seriously?! I haven't been able to wear my contacts for months. My throat is constantly itchy and Clar*tin is just about useless. Please, knock it off now with the blooming and pollinating!
Love,
Itchy

Dear L,
We have at least 6 more months of this nursing relationship. It would be a lot better if you would quit with the squirming, biting and fussing.
Love,
Mama

Dear C,

Dear C -
Today you are 2 years old.
I can still remember when you were a squished up little thing, so folded and soft skinned. I can almost still smell you.

It almost hurts me to look at these pictures, the time has passed so quickly.

Nothing about you has been expected.  I had no idea how much I would love having 2 little boys only 13 months apart. I also had no idea how hard it would be at first. You made it up for it by bringing us so much laughter and joy.  You truly filled a place in our family that we didn't know was empty.

I did not expect how much wonder you would bring into our lives.  From the time you were able to smile, you almost never stopped. All it took was a glance to send you into a huge grin and eventually, laughter.

You have continued to live your life with that much enthusiasm. Whether you are being loving, funny, or naughty, (as you often are) you do it with all your heart. You are rough and tumble, messy, loud, mischievous and often frustratingingly determined. You do everything with a grin on your face and a spring in your step.  I can only hope you continue to live your life with that much passion and joy in your heart.

Being the third boy born in just over 3 years in one family, you have always had to compete for attention, but you don't seem to mind. You love your brothers, you adore your daddy and you save your special "I wuv u TOO!" for me. I can't even tell you how you warm all our hearts.

For a child so determined to earn the nickname "The Destroyer" - you are surprisingly sensitive. A cross word will send you in to tears and your brothers leaving out of games is enough to break your heart, and, subsequently - mine.
There is no way to describe the tornado that you are, and yet, we don't mind. We love you just how you are with your big blue eyes with their mischevious glint, your happy smile and your sweet heart.

Happy birthday to my big boy. I love you. 

Fun Fact Friday

1 - The reason I probably won't lose any weight this week:

 Peanut butter + chocolate frosting + graham cracker = who cares. yum. yum.

2 - I spent hours (also spent --- too much money) on Etsy last night, looking for a gift. I found said gift + a headband and 2 bows for Miss L + a beautiful minky blanket for Miss L's first birthday. Oh, Etsy. You are dangerous.

3 - Did you watch Private Practice last night? I have a super huge crush on Taye Diggs lately. Yes, that was a bit random...

4 - For about a year now, I've been thinking about a blog post entitled "A Crisis of Faith." I still have not written it, but keep bouncing it around in my head.

5 - My youngest little guy turns 2 on Monday. I can't believe it. He's also potty learning, of his own accord, which I also can't believe.

6 - I was supposed to go out to the movies tonight, we wanted to see Babies but it's no longer in theaters around here. Hmph. So, we were just going to go see something else, but I stayed up till past midnight last night and am ridiculously exhausted and have spent about ZERO evenings with my overtime-working hubby this week so I'm staying home. I'll probably just go to bed early, but the movie didn't start till 8, so I would probably have fallen asleep before it was over. I'm so lame these days.

7 - All 4 of my kids are sleeping for the first time in .... ever. I should nap too, since I'm so tired, but I deposited 3 loads of laundry of my bed this morning and don't want to deal with those, so here I sit. Maybe I'll end this post and lean back in this chair...

Growing Up random

* d is registered for Kindergarten now. He starts in just under 3 months. I still just can't believe it's time for my first baby to go off to school. What's next? I'll blink and he'll be moving off to college. *sigh*

* Speaking of growing up, C has decided he wants to use the potty. He'll be 2 in about a week, and this is the earliest any of my kids have been successful at using the potty and WANTING to. d was almost 3, and O was a few months past 2. I'm thrilled with this development, don't get me wrong. Diapers are one thing I won't really miss. Just the same, I'm trying not to blink too much.

* I'm really, really bummed about the oil spill in the Gulf. I'm upset about it for obvious reasons - such as the horrible environmental impact - but also for selfish ones. In October, we are supposed to take our first beach vacation in 3 years, to Panama City Beach. If they mess up our vacation I will not be happy. I want to kick BP's booty myself.

* Since early March we've been trying to get the rest of our yard fenced. We had SO much trouble getting contractors to call us back, or show up or anything. FINALLY we got one to give us an estimate, and they even showed up! (A few days late. grrr) All in all, they worked for about 5 hours and our fence is done. That was sort of anti-climatic considering how long it took to get someone to even show up.

* I've decided that exercise is a pain. I can work out and work out and work out and eat healthy, maybe not LESS, but healthy - and not lose. Or even gain. grrr
If I eat LESS, then I seems to lose - with or without exercise. The problem? I love eating. Not crap, but good food. It's an experience. I'd rather exercise and keep my eating experience, but it's not working out so well. Bah.

* Miss L is trying to crawl. Every. Time. she does something I think about how it's the last time I'll ever have a baby that does xyz. There is about 85% of me that feels melancholy about these milestones. The other 15% gets excited about getting rid of bouncy seats, and swings. I think the 15% part of me will grow, eventually. Like... in the next 20 years. ;)

5-ish months

 I thought it would be fun to see how the kids looked around the same age. I think they all have similarities and differences, but they just look enough alike to be siblings. They are all about 5-ish months old.


d, 17 lbs 7.5 oz:

(Note the hemangioma on his forehead, just like L has one on her eyelid. They're hereditary.) 

O, 18lbs 10oz:

C, 20lbs 8oz:

Miss L, 18lbs 5oz:

A-Z

Totally stole this from Shelly Overlook. 

a. area code: 256

b. bed size: King (not big enough)

c. chore you hate:  cleaning bathrooms, or the litter box

d. dog's name:  Penny

e. essential "start of the day" item: coffee
 
f. favorite color:  purple or blue

g. gold or silver:  silver or white gold

h. height: 5'10"

i. instruments you play: none

j. job: Queen of the Universe er, my house

k. kids:  4

l. living arrangements:  Husband, 3 little boys, 1 baby girl, me, 2 cats and a dog

m. mom's name: Carey

n. nickname: Dev

o. overnight hospital stay: Just for having babies x4

p. pet peeve:  kids not in seat belts/car seats, people who pull out in front of you and SLOW DOWN.

q. quote from movie:  "I'm watching you Focker." Meet the Parents

r. righty or lefty:  righty

s. siblings:  older sister, younger brother

t. time you wake up:  between 5AM and 6:30AM, depending on how long the kids sleep

u. underwear:  yes

v. vegetables you dislike:  celery. yik

w. ways or reasons you are late:  I have 4 kids. Need I say more?

x. x-rays:  only dental

y. yummy food you make:  I'm a good cook, so everything. ;) 

z. zoo animals you like:  monkeys, gorillas, chimps

Mom's Day presents

So, what are you getting your mom for Mother's Day? Around here, I also buy for my mother-in-law because I'm just nice like that. This year, I also bought my own gifts. Hey, at least I'm getting what I want.

For my mom and mother-in-law this year, I headed over to Snapfish. I'm not getting paid for this, by the way. I just happen to like Snapfish.com! 

My mom loves it when I send her aprons with the kid's pictures on them, and I haven't made her one in at least a year so Miss L wasn't on any of hers. Therefore, I used this picture and added it to an aprong!

For my mother-in-law, she's not much on cooking these days so an apron is a no-go. She loves to show off her only grandkids (so far!) though, so I went with this:

Of course, it has a picture of my kids in it. I used the same picture as above. 

Now, for myself, I got 2 presents. One from the kids and one from D, per his request. :) For my gifts I headed over to Etsy. I had seen some earrings I loved over at Milk & Cookies, on a post from Swistle. The kids bought them for me for Mother's Day and they came gift wrapped and are adorable!!! 

 

D's present came from Daisy Metal Creations, off Etsy as well.  I ordered a lovely bracelet that is distressed metal, with 5 charms. One for each of the kids and one for D&I. I haven't gotten it yet, since I was bit late in ordering, but I will post a picture of mine when I get it. Here's a stock photo: 

So, what's on your give and get list for Mother's Day?

On being a mother

Mother's day is coming up, as I'm sure all of you mothers and fathers know. (quick dads - go get your baby mama something nice!!) 

What does it mean to be a mother? It's hard to put it into words.

It's sleepless nights - with new babies, sick kids, or teenagers out past curfew.

It's eating cold dinners as fast as you can.

It's looking at your body in a new way, both in amazement for what it can/has done and attempting to reconcile your stretchmarks and muffin top with the little miracle that left your body a lot worse for the wear.

It's dealing with more bodily functions than you ever imagined you would have to - and not even getting grossed out anymore.

It's cleaning broken eggs up off the floor and crayon off the wall and permanent marker off little faces.

It's sticky hugs and slobbery kisses.

It's a million loads of laundry and hundreds of boxes of macaroni and cheese.

It's baby laughs and toddler giggles, and "wuv yuu."

It's never having a clean house.

It's losing your patience, losing your mind and mostly, losing your heart.

It's being the "mean mom" and hating every second of it, but doing it anyway, out of love and necessity.

It's joy.

It's pain.

It's fear of loss and letting go; and worry that you're screwing up.

It's loving another person, or people, more than you ever thought you could.

It's the hardest job in the world.

It's the best job in the world.

Sure is Monday...

Well, it sure feels like a Monday today, doesn't it? This will be random, as usual.

I keep hearing about how bad juice is for kids, and it's not exactly new news. I give my kids juice. They get one cup of milk a day and the rest of the time it's juice. I fill their cups up with water and then put in about 1/2 oz of juice. All in all they might drink 4 oz of juice per day at the MOST unless we have a party or special play date and they have a juice box. Am I scarring them? Will they never be able to drink water? I am feeling crabby about this and defensive and now, ridiculous.

--

I was spraying catnip spray on the kitten's bed and scratching post so he would like IT and not my RUG and he ran by and accidently got sprayed too. Now Peso won't leave him alone and is chasing him around everywhere. Oops.

--

I am in such a hurry lately to finish my always massive to-do list that I am constantly jumping the gun, not getting the facts straight or making mistakes. UGH! I feel like I can't do anything right.

--

Miss L is turning into quite the little biter. Those 2 sharp teeth are the bane of my existence right now. She has also been nursing more and more and grabbing for my food whenever I hold her at meal times and getting more impatient while nursing. I finally gave in and gave her some smashed up avocado. She loved it and wasn't even messy. Her tongue thrust reflex is obviously gone and now I'm done for. There's no going back once they've had solids and LIKED them. *sigh*
Also, now I get fewer WW points. Bummer. 

--

Conversation with O:
"Where did the other part go?" (talking about an avocado, half of which was on C's plate)
me  - "I put it away."
"Where did you put it?"
me - "In the refrigerator."
"Where?"
me - "In the refrigerator, on the shelf."
"Which shelf?"
me - "The second shelf."
"Which second shelf?"
me - "The only second shelf in the refrigerator."
"Which only second shelf?"
me  - "Eat your lunch."

--

I started the 30 Day Shred again. Ow.

--

I've gotten up for various children six times since I started this post and it's supposed to be nap time.

--

I want a nap. I bet this is how my mother felt. The circle of life...