Halloween!

My cupcake, Buzz, a robot and Woody!

jeepers.

Jeepers. That's what I'm trying to say when I want to say the F word. It's been that kind of a day.

Really, really.

Let's see... I stayed up too late last night. D left super early for rugby today. He's been gone over 12 hours and isn't due back for at least a few more. Of course, the kids are in bed now, so at this point I don't really care.
The boys were W.I.L.D. today. The attitudes! The back talk! The messing up of everything! Jeeeeeepers. It was like they were 3 little wild animals.

I get so tired of the stern voice/stance I have to take when they are pushing the limits. *sigh* I am exhausted! It's no wonder they like Daddy better - he's the fun one!

Oh, and d cried for a minimum of half an hour when I broke the news that they wouldn't see Daddy any more today. How do you make that better? Jeepers.

O opened up our futon (it has hidden storage underneath) and dropped it down on the baby's fingers in the thirteen seconds that I left the play room to go put laundry away in Miss L's room. Her fingers are swollen, and red. She is using them normally now, and I think (hope) they're fine. Jeepers.

You know, people keep asking me how I do this every day. I NEVER have a good answer. I don't resent the question; I just don't know how to answer it.  I truly don't know HOW I'm doing it.
It's so odd, because I feel like people are constantly giving me a lot of credit for doing it all/being supermom/holding it all together, and I feel SO VERY VERY FAR from that.
It seems like every time I figure out how to handle something, there is a new problem (or 8) to figure out. Just when one child starts an easier phase, another one enters a harder one. I'll have a great day, everything will go right, and the next day will be sh*t. So, yeah, when someone says, "I don't know how you do it!" I'm just thinking, "ME EITHER, so I hope you're not looking for tips." Ha.

A Christmas List

Don't hate me, but I'm done Christmas shopping for the kids! I tried to type this earlier, and had it finished, hit publish and *POOF* it disappeared. So, here we go again...
(I put their ages at Christmas in parentheses)

d: 
(5 1/2 years)





 The camera was a LOT less when I ordered it a few months ago. I guess that's a perk of early Christmas shopping.

He's also getting a Toy Story shirt I found on clearance.

O: 
(3 1/2 years)



I got the limbo game on clearance too, at WalMart,  it was super cheap!














This isn't the t-ball game we got but we found one for cheap at Ross.

He's also getting a Toy Story shirt.



C: 
(2 1/2 years)


We got the fishing game at WalMart's toy clearance sale too - it was only a couple of dollars!

We found the Mega Bloks truck at Ross too, and paid FAR less than Amazon's listed price.

He's also getting a Car's t-shirt we found on clearance.


Miss L:
(1 1/2 years)

All recycled materials and SUPER CUTE!

All the boys have one, so we got L one too!



This is the only Toy Story character we don't have, and even though the boys will probably bogart immediately, I don't think L will care. She's also getting a new pair of pj's.
















Combined gifts, from Santa:
We're on good terms, so Santa gives me the heads up so we don't duplicate anything. ;)

We're getting 2 of these for the kids to share - Santa got a good deal and paid less than that for both together.
 He snagged them up when they were on a good sale. 


He got his elves to make this table and chairs (for over $20 less too) for the play room.

They're also getting Trouble and Battleship but can't get those links to show up for some reason...
















Stocking stuffers:
Each boy got a slinky
Everyone got a Hot Wheels car
Candy
toothbrushes
candy necklaces
Paci or Teether for L
Each boy got one of these too:
I got them at Target - they were only $7.99 there. (Thanks for pointing them out, T!)

Christmas gifts

omg - I just wrote an entire post detailing and linking all four of my children's Christmas gifts and Blogger ATE IT. 


Do you know how long that took me?! 


*%&#


Is this even worth writing again?!

Being the grown up.

Things I don't like about being the grown up: 

* When there is bad weather, I have to keep my head and make sure all my chickies are safe AND try to act cool and collected when I am extremely NOT inside.
* When there is something disgusting to be done, chances are good that *I* will have to do it.

* Wanting to go on vacation spars with needing to refinance your house, or some such thing, and the not fun thing usually wins.
* Balancing a family of 6 on one income.
* Navigating the "Holiday Wars" and trying not to hurt feelings or sacrifice what's best for your own little family unit.
* Not knowing WHAT you're doing, but having to pretend like you do.

What is lovely about being a grown up:

* You can drive, drink (NOT together, obv) vote, and make your own decisions.
* Christmas, especially if you have kids, really shows you the true joy of giving.
* No one tells you when to go to bed.
* Coffee.
* You're the boss, or co-boss, even if you don't always know what to do with that...
* kids.
(OK, sometimes the last could technically be on the first list, but mostly it belongs here.)

crafty

I felt crafty today, and we were stuck at home since d is sick and couldn't go to school. I am planning a baby shower, so I decided to make a cute banner. It turned out a bit longer than anticipated but super cute and very easy! I had all the supplies on hand, so it was also free!

First I picked out the construction paper I wanted to use, and folded them in half - top to bottom.

Then, I traced a triangle on the front, making the tip end at the bottom opening. I cut it out (along 2 sides, so that it looks like a diamond when you open it up.) and used it as template for the other triangles. After cutting them all out, I painted a letter on each one. I was spelling CONGRATULATIONS! so I had a lot of letters to paint. Next time I may just write YAY!  ;)

After those were dry, which didn't take long, I measured out the amount of string I would need and laid the letters out on the floor, with the string inside, like this:

The crease is where you'll put a bit of glue and the string, and then press them together. I used a hot glue gun and it worked great.

I found 2 buttons in my sewing box and tied them on the ends of the string and made a loop (I also put a dab of hot glue to really secure it.)

This will make it easy to hang.

After I got the million letters glued (seriously, there are a lot of letters in congratulations!) I glued on the foam dots.

I used 2 different sizes. These would have been great if they had been the sticky-back kind but they weren't. I burned my fingers a lot before I switched to good old Elmer's glue instead.

After those were dry it was done! It turned out very cute, but long. It's a good thing I have a lot of wall space to hang it! I guess I should have made the triangles smaller...

I'm thinking about making one for Miss L's first birthday party, but I think I'll buy several different kinds of cute paper and save my fingers from the hot glue gun.

Yes, I'm about to talk about Christmas

I know it's not quite Halloween yet, but I bought Christmas pajamas this morning! (shopping = less stabby I guess.)
This is probably the last year I can get away with all the boys matching, because d is already too tall for a 5T, but since he's skinny I'm squeezing him in them...

For the boys.

For Miss L.

Plus, until the end of today you can get 25% off at Old Navy, using code ONSTYLE25 at checkout. Pictures courtesy of Old Navy.

* I wasn't compensated in any way for posting this, nor did ON ask me too. I simply saw a deal, cute pj's and wanted to share. ;)

stabby

Wow, I am feeling stabby today.
This morning was particularly stressful, and of course I was juggling the four kids on my own - making 4 breakfasts, 2 lunches, feeding pets, dressing us all, car line, 1/2 a morning nap, more car line, dropping prescriptions off, waivering about making yet ANOTHER doctor's appointment because of another possible sinus infection for the one of the kids.... and on. and on. Plus, we're coming off a 5 day grandparent visit, and apparently my hormones are also raging. Not a good combo...

Anyway, I totally lost my temper with the slow ass  kids. I finally yelled at them so loud that it hurt my throat and made my head hurt. *sigh* Then, of course, I felt like sh*t and beat myself up about it, and apologized to them. I hate myself when I act like that, and I hate the look on their faces. I see all that is imperfect in me through their eyes, and there is plenty to see.

Gawd - some days I just want to be a PERSON and not everything to everybody.

That's not my life though, and the kids didn't choose it - I did. (and it's a good life, don't get me wrong.)
I guess there's not much else to do; apologize, and do better. Every minute is a new chance.

* How it can really have been a whole week since my last post? The week really flew by! My parents came down for a visit and were supposed to leave this morning, but my poor dad is in pain and can't drive the 500ish miles home. He thinks it's kidney stones - ouch!
I'm not complaining about the extra visit time, but it's definitely not under the best of circumstances!

* With an eager supply of babysitters here, D and I got to go on not one, but two dates! We went to dinner one night and a movie the next afternoon. PS - "Life as We Know It"  was VERY good, but I cried about 6 times. I knew, going in, that the premise was about parents dying and leaving their baby to these 2 other people, but maybe I shouldn't have watched that for about 10 more years. When you actually have little children it's a little too much... at least for me...

* I'm still hemming and hawing about d's school. Sometimes it seems good, other times it's fine and sometimes I want to pull him out and homeschool him tomorrow. To be perfectly honest, if private school weren't so expensive I would have looked into more already. It's frustrating to have your kid reading you books at night and getting a newsletter from their teacher that they're learning the numbers 1-5 and letter sounds T, S, and N this month. *sigh*
On the other hand, HE (usually) likes it and has friends he loves, so that's a plus. He doesn't get into trouble at school, but he does bring home some new words, phrases and often a bad attitude - so I'm not crazy about that.

* Why are little kids so much like puppies? The 2 year old, who is reliably potty trained,  just peed on my bed.
No kids yet? Add that little tidbit to your mental bank, and when you think, "That won't happen to me/my kid won't do that." remember that too. One day it will make you laugh at your own ignorance.

Before & After

The living room wall - before.

After - our family tree.

Holiday wars

The holiday season is upon us and you know what that means... everybody wants a piece of the pie! If you live far away from your family, like we do, that brings the stress of traveling. Or -- the stress of refusing to travel, and dealing with the repercussions.

My family is over 500 miles away and D's family is 1,000 miles away. One way.
If you've ever tried flying with 4 small children and all their crap, plus then renting a car and driving a few hours to where the family actually lives - then you'll understand why we feel we have to drive. (Not to mention the cost of 5 (someday 6...) plane tickets! Eek!) Eating out, staying in hotels, staying in family's houses that are either not babyproofed, not big enough for the 6 of us to crash, and driving hither and yon to see spread out family... *sigh*


This year we've promised to drive to see my family for Thanksgiving, and his after Christmas. (Christmas Eve and Day is at home and I'm not giving it up - period.)  You know what though?

I don't want to.

I'm weary just thinking about it and we haven't even made it to Halloween yet.

Do I want to see my family? Yes.
Do I want my family to see my kids? Yes.
Do I want to see D's family? Mostly... ;)
Do I miss family? Y.E.S. I DO!

Do I want to drive well over 3,000 miles with four kids, 5 and under, in the course of a month? Do I want to spend what will amount to a mortgage payment on this "vacation?"
Do I want to drive cross country, cram us all into a hotel room, (twice), deal with splitting up time between inlaws, sisters/brothers, aunts/uncles, cousins, parents, and other extended family? (Some are so understanding and some are SO NOT.)
Do I want to deal with the lack of sleep, tantrums caused by the former, and unrealistic expectations of people who haven't had small children in MANY, MANY years? No. No, I do not.

If anyone has a solution I'd love to hear it.

(Can't someone just invent teleporting already?! )

What's cooking?

Oh, I made lots of interesting things in the past week! Some were not worthy of pictures - like the green tomato casserole. Meh.
The pumpkin grits topped with shredded BBQ chicken sounded super weird, but it was delicious! I didn't get a picture of that one. Grits are ugly anyway...

My 2 faves from this week:

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Bread 

1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 tablespoon whole wheat flour
1 egg
2 tablespoons orange zest
-------
1 2/3 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2-3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
------
2 cups pumpkin puree
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups white sugar

• Grease 2 loaf pans. Preheat oven to 325. 
• Combine first set of ingredients in separate bowl & beat until smooth; set aside. 
• Sift together 2nd set of ingredients; set aside.
• Beat remaining ingredients. Add pumpkin mixture to flour mixture just until combined. Pour half of this batter into the bottom of the 2 pans.
• Spread cream cheese mixture (1/2 in each loaf pan) on top of batter.
• Pour remaining batter on top.
• Bake about 60-80 minutes.

Pioneer Woman's Chocolate Cupcakes and BEST FROSTING EVER

Did you have some great meals this week? Duds?

What I love...

Target:
They give you 5 cents per bag if you bring your own. They mail you coupons. They have good sales. They print out coupons at the register for your next trip - and they're ones you actually want slash can use. They (at least "mine") has a Starbucks in it.
Awesome.

Fall:
Pumpkin everything. Lovely colors, delicious smells, beautiful weather. Playing outside, visiting the pumpkin patch, Halloween, Thanksgiving.

Today:
The weather is gorgeous. We went to a park, saw some friends, had lunch and came home where ALL of the children napped. Simultaneously. (I know!) They got goofy glasses at lunch too:

always dirty...

Vanilla Cinnamon Nut coffee

Sangria

Planning our family picture for Christmas cards.

Fall break, and watching the boys play together all day again.

This toothy grin:

Forgive my dirtiness - I found one of my brothers' apples and chowed down.

Facepage

I'm starting to think that Facebook is just more trouble than it's worth. I know a lot of people just love to complain, but I'm seeing it everywhere now.

If you post about something your kids did, you are bragging. If you post about them too much, you're boring. If you post something nice about your husband you annoy people for being too public about your affection. If you complain about him, you annoy those who think it's tmi. If you post a quote you like - someone always thinks it's about them. YOU wonder if posts other people make are about YOU!

If you're "too happy" you annoy people.
If you're too negative you annoy people.

If you post about what you're doing, you wonder if you're annoying those friends you've heard talking. "I don't need to know what everyone is doing every second!"
If your mom hears something through the grapevine that you posted on "facepage" and you forgot to tell her... watch out.
If you post anything political, religious, or in any way controversial - like a seemingly benign preschool post I had about a month ago - there risks being a riot right on your page.
Plus, it's a huge time suck. I get on the Internet for anything and seem to end up on Facebook for a moment to see what's going on. 

You: So, just don't post.
Me: Then, what exactly is the POINT?! (aside from snooping keeping in touch, I guess.)

For someone like me, who is constantly trying not to hurt, annoy, offend, upset, or make other people feel bad --- well. It's practically impossible.
I'm quite sure I'm being too sensitive.
I'm quite sure I shouldn't care what other people think so much.
That's the story of my life after all, and my ultimate goal: trying NOT to care so much what other people think of me.

For the record, I still have a facebook account. *sigh*

How did it get so late so soon?

"How did it get so late so soon? 

It's night before it's afternoon. 

December is here before it's June. 

My goodness how the time has flewn. 

How did it get so late so soon?"

  --  Theodor Seuss Geisel

I've come to terms with the fact that there will be no more babies in our house. I don't want, nor do I think I could handle, another baby/child. This is a conscious decision D &I made together, but I've still had to mourn closing that chapter of our lives.  

Late last week, Miss L took her first step. It was a little one, from my hands to the couch. Yesterday, she took two steps to her daddy. She said "ball" today, and "bye-bye" last week. She says "mama" for everything else. She is growing, and we're approaching her first birthday at warp speed.  In less than 2 months she will be one. Obviously, this is how life is supposed to be and there is a lot of joy in it. The excitement of each passing milestone has a tiny tang of bitter-sweetness strung onto the end.

I clearly remember the day I found out I was pregnant with d. It was over 6 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. I can recall minute details of each time I found out I was pregnant. For the last 6 years of my life this has been front and center - being pregnant & having babies.

There is nothing in this world that compares to becoming a parent. I cried when each of my babies were born. Sweet, sweet tears of joy, excitement and relief. I was completely overwhelmed each time. I hope I remember those 4 moments until the day I die, because there is absolutely nothing more thrilling than looking at your baby's face for the first time. It felt like meeting a familiar stranger. It felt like my heart was filling up with love and then spilling over.

 A lot of people will disagree, but birth is my favorite part of pregnancy. 
1 - because that means pregnancy is over. 
2 - because I've never felt like that any other time in my life. (good and bad, I suppose...) 

And now I'm done. There will be no more rapturous joy upon seeing my new baby for the first time. 

I've been struggling with "baby feelings" the last month. I don't WANT another baby, per se, but this is always the time when my babies get so stinkin' cute and fun. (and sleeping a little better) It makes my heart thump. 

Miss L gives me a hard time about nursing lately, there is too much for her to see and do. I've taken to dream feeding her to get in a nursing when it's actually quiet and distraction free. While I rock her, in the dark, I sing to her. My eyes fill with tears almost every time. Her sweet, soft little face is so peaceful; her eyes closed. 

And it's almost over. 

Her babyhood is coming to an end. 

Will there be good things to come? 

Absolutely. 

But how did it get so late so soon?

requested recipes.

*disclaimer - I make up recipes, and sometimes use no measurements at all. I hope that doesn't make them too hard to follow!


Beef Stew:

• about 2 lbs stew meat, mine was pre-cut beef
• 1 large onion, cut into large pieces
• 1 large leek, light green and white parts only, chopped
• a whole bunch of carrots - 3 cups maybe?
• a whole carton of whole mushrooms, cut in half
• 1 can diced tomatoes
• 1 can cream of mushroom soup
• 2ish cans of chicken or beef broth (I also added a couple bouillon cubes and a can of water, use more or less liquid depending on your taste.)
• red wine - um... a cup? (I added the wine after it had been in the oven a little bit.)
• crushed red pepper, sea salt, black pepper, rosemary - add as desired

First I browned the meat in vegetable oil.  When browned, I put the meat and drippings in a roasting pan. You could use a stew pot and make it on the stove top, but I baked it in a roasting pan because I already had the oven on. Put everything in the pan, put the lid on and bake at  350 until the carrots are tender. I served it with rolls and mashed potatoes.

German Chocolate Cake:
I'm not going to pretend I made the cake all alone - the cake part was a mix. In getting ready for an inlaw visit, watching 4 kids and trying to do everything, I compromised on the cake so I could make the frosting from scratch. Boy am I glad, because that frosting was so so good!
This was my first time to make this kind of cake, so I had to look up a recipe for the frosting. Here is the one I used from Allrecipes.com, with my changes in parentheses.

• 1 cup half-and-half (I used a can of evaporated milk)
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 cup white sugar
• 3 egg yolks
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 1 cup flaked coconut (I used more. Maybe 1.5 to 2cups)
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts (I used pecans, probably 3/4 cup) 

I toasted the pecans and coconut first as well. I really think that made them taste better! I also decorated the top with whole pecans, just for fun.

What's been cooking.

Just for fun, here is a sampling of what I've been making in the last week:

Peanut butter cookies we made for d's bake sale at school.

Pumpkin pudding - similar to banana pudding with vanilla wafers but with no bananas. Pumpkin pie mix, powdered sugar, vanilla pudding, pumpkin pie spice and vanilla wafers. Big hit with the kids.

Beef stew - yay for soup weather! This might not be the prettiest dish, but it was delicious.

Chicken salad with leeks, craberries, & pecans. Yum!

Chicken noodle soup, an old favorite.

German Chocolate Cake I made for my fil's birthday when they visited last weekend.