* We're going to the beach!!!! Too bad it's not July yet.
* I bought 2 new swimsuits as my reward for my (future) weight loss. How's that for counting your chickens before they've hatched?
* I've lost 6 pounds. Not bad, but I was certainly hoping for more, especially since I'm sticking to the diet really well. I stay within my points and fit in exercise when I can. I eat a lot of vegetables, some fruit, and healthy lean meats and whole grains. And yet... *sigh* I'm going to stick with it though. I realize it's not a race, but I still want to get the destination quickly. That's just my own impatience showing through.
(And when I see my doctor next, I think I'm going to ask if she can test my thyroid level.)
* d's 6th birthday is coming up in 2 weeks! He's getting to the age where he has very specific opinions on who he wants at his party, so that is new. Normally I just invite whoever *I* want, but since we're keeping it super small this year, he picked a couple friends and I guess that is that.
* March is a busy month with at least 2 separate occasions of out of town visitors, at least 6 doctors appointments already scheduled, a field trip, one Spring Break (the other is in April - the little boys go to a different district than d), and several birthday parties and other activities already planned. March always seems to start our busy birthday/travel/fun, season, which usually ends around... oh... January 2nd.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
You guys, the comments on the Fights post were really amazing. You should go over and read them if you haven't already.
We seem to have two major issues that come up over and over. The first issue is much more important, but I've never talked about it here. In that case, he agrees that he's wrong and yet it still manages to surface again, and again. The second issue is rugby.
I thought all the comments on the last post were invaluable. Seriously. You guys are really smart.
The conversation we had last night started out pretty good. We talked about it and I admitted that I don't know if there is an answer, but it would help if he could just acknowledge that it's hard for me and that I feel unhappy about it. At first, that worked, but the more we talked about it, the more he thought I should just "change the way I feel" and he refused to acknowledge that *I* feel it's unfair.
(Because he doesn't think it is. he works hard and deserves a hobby and I also go out with my friends, regardless of the fact that his hobby takes up a lot of day time hours, I scaled WAY back on my "hobby" hours, and I very rarely go out unless it's bedtime. Still, I do think he works very hard and deserves a hobby, so on that, we agree.)
I tried to be calm and reasonable, and he still got mad. He rarely gets mad. I've never met a more even keeled person. In the middle of it all it occurred to me that he will never see it my way. He's never been at home with the kids for days, weeks, months, YEARS on end, being the chauffeur, the diaper changer, the referee, the entertainment, the manager, and the housekeeper. He doesn't know what it's like to make dinner with a screaming baby at your feet, or to hide in the garage because it's the only place you can think for a second. He doesn't know what it's like to look toward the weekend with true desperation, grateful for an extra pair of hands, just as I don't know what it's like to do his job. I don't know what it's like to get up at 5, go to work, and not get home again until dinner time. I don't know what it's like to be the sole bread winner for 6 people. I imagine that I would WANT to spend Saturdays at home with my family, but it's not at all fair to hold him to the standard of what I *imagine* I would want.
He thinks he's compromised as much as possible and I should be able to deal with the short rugby season without getting upset. I think him being away one night a week and on Saturday (often the whole day) is putting our family second, and ultimately, is unfair. We talked about taking up new hobbies, but there was no interest.
His point holds though, because the only way for him to compromise further is to quit and obviously, he doesn't want to. And I don't want to make him. (As if I could.)
I want HIM to come to the conclusion, AT SOME POINT, that this is no longer working for us. I want him to WANT WHAT I WANT.
I've finally decided that nothing I say or do will make him come to that conclusion and it still feels terrible. It's come down to me accepting that in this case, his feelings are going to win.
I could just be a terrible wife. Perhaps he IS right and I'm unjustified in feeling the way I do. Maybe I just don't get it. Regardless, I can try to accept it, but I don't know if I can actually change the way I feel about it.
So, I've already spent time praying about it. I'm going to need to do more of that because the peace I was hoping for about this situation is still eluding me.
I'm going to try a combination of all the approaches to deal with the situation. The only one I'm not going to try, right now, is counseling. I think it would be great actually - especially for the other issue I haven't talked about - but D is quite resistant and I'm finding the thought of even finding a counselor, much less time to go to one (even by myself), daunting.
Manage it/balance it/ostrich/reciprocation
I'm starting with ostrich because I'm weary of thinking about it right now. Then I'm moving on to manage/balance.
We can try to keep ourselves busy on days when he's gone. We can go with him. (Although this is often WAAAAY more trouble than it's worth, and can lead to double frustration.) I can grit my teeth and look forward to the end of April. I can go out twice as much when he's home, although then we hardly see each other and it definitely does not bring us closer. I can sign the kids up for t-ball and soccer anyway, even though I've avoided it because I don't want to manage that kind of thing on my own. I definitely like the Future Pass idea.
For now, I'm going back to biting my tongue.
We seem to have two major issues that come up over and over. The first issue is much more important, but I've never talked about it here. In that case, he agrees that he's wrong and yet it still manages to surface again, and again. The second issue is rugby.
I thought all the comments on the last post were invaluable. Seriously. You guys are really smart.
The conversation we had last night started out pretty good. We talked about it and I admitted that I don't know if there is an answer, but it would help if he could just acknowledge that it's hard for me and that I feel unhappy about it. At first, that worked, but the more we talked about it, the more he thought I should just "change the way I feel" and he refused to acknowledge that *I* feel it's unfair.
(Because he doesn't think it is. he works hard and deserves a hobby and I also go out with my friends, regardless of the fact that his hobby takes up a lot of day time hours, I scaled WAY back on my "hobby" hours, and I very rarely go out unless it's bedtime. Still, I do think he works very hard and deserves a hobby, so on that, we agree.)
I tried to be calm and reasonable, and he still got mad. He rarely gets mad. I've never met a more even keeled person. In the middle of it all it occurred to me that he will never see it my way. He's never been at home with the kids for days, weeks, months, YEARS on end, being the chauffeur, the diaper changer, the referee, the entertainment, the manager, and the housekeeper. He doesn't know what it's like to make dinner with a screaming baby at your feet, or to hide in the garage because it's the only place you can think for a second. He doesn't know what it's like to look toward the weekend with true desperation, grateful for an extra pair of hands, just as I don't know what it's like to do his job. I don't know what it's like to get up at 5, go to work, and not get home again until dinner time. I don't know what it's like to be the sole bread winner for 6 people. I imagine that I would WANT to spend Saturdays at home with my family, but it's not at all fair to hold him to the standard of what I *imagine* I would want.
He thinks he's compromised as much as possible and I should be able to deal with the short rugby season without getting upset. I think him being away one night a week and on Saturday (often the whole day) is putting our family second, and ultimately, is unfair. We talked about taking up new hobbies, but there was no interest.
His point holds though, because the only way for him to compromise further is to quit and obviously, he doesn't want to. And I don't want to make him. (As if I could.)
I want HIM to come to the conclusion, AT SOME POINT, that this is no longer working for us. I want him to WANT WHAT I WANT.
I've finally decided that nothing I say or do will make him come to that conclusion and it still feels terrible. It's come down to me accepting that in this case, his feelings are going to win.
I could just be a terrible wife. Perhaps he IS right and I'm unjustified in feeling the way I do. Maybe I just don't get it. Regardless, I can try to accept it, but I don't know if I can actually change the way I feel about it.
So, I've already spent time praying about it. I'm going to need to do more of that because the peace I was hoping for about this situation is still eluding me.
I'm going to try a combination of all the approaches to deal with the situation. The only one I'm not going to try, right now, is counseling. I think it would be great actually - especially for the other issue I haven't talked about - but D is quite resistant and I'm finding the thought of even finding a counselor, much less time to go to one (even by myself), daunting.
Manage it/balance it/ostrich/reciprocation
I'm starting with ostrich because I'm weary of thinking about it right now. Then I'm moving on to manage/balance.
We can try to keep ourselves busy on days when he's gone. We can go with him. (Although this is often WAAAAY more trouble than it's worth, and can lead to double frustration.) I can grit my teeth and look forward to the end of April. I can go out twice as much when he's home, although then we hardly see each other and it definitely does not bring us closer. I can sign the kids up for t-ball and soccer anyway, even though I've avoided it because I don't want to manage that kind of thing on my own. I definitely like the Future Pass idea.
For now, I'm going back to biting my tongue.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Fights
Do tell, dear readers. When you are in a relationship that is generally very good, but you have a few issues that seem to come up over and over and OVER again; what do you do? Do you continue to argue, talk, and fight it to death, with no real solution? (I'm talking year after year, and not just a few weeks in a row.)
Does one of you throw up your hands and suffer in silence until your head explodes and leaves your partner with wide eyes and hurt feelings?
When there seems to be no compromise, or one of you is completely unwilling, then what?
Does one of you throw up your hands and suffer in silence until your head explodes and leaves your partner with wide eyes and hurt feelings?
When there seems to be no compromise, or one of you is completely unwilling, then what?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
broken
For Pete's sake! The Universe wants my spending freeze to end this week!
First, my home phone stopped working. It has been iffy for awhile, so I went out and bought a new one. $50
Second, my cell phone totally bit the dust. Screen is black, buttons don't work. *sigh* Tomorrow, I will be getting a new one and I haven't had this one long enough to qualify for a rebate. $?
Third, my coffee maker would not work this morning. This is the icing on the cake. I can live without a phone if I must, but no coffee?! I think not.
----
I'm feeling irritable. It's never good when tiny, little, insignificant things irritate you and even YOU know you're being RIDICULOUS. Plus, I'm on a diet, so... crabby AND hungry. Stay out of my way.
All the little things that I'm doing (eating better, vitamin D3, fish oil, less caffeine, exercise, more sleep, TRYING to meditate, SAD light) seem to have helped to their maximum potential. I don't feel so down anymore, but at certain times I cannot shake the irritability and, let's just say it - bitchiness - that shows up. I may find certain family members more annoying than usual, or little things that people do that I would normally find inconsiderate, self-centered, or even rude; I suddenly find infuriating. I *almost* post my unvarnished opinion on message board posts, and then pull back. I find myself closer than ever to telling off the person giving me sh*tty customer service. The kids might hear my "outside voice" abit lot more. However, in general, I think what I'm experiencing now is normal, if annoying. I could be wrong, but things ARE better than a few months ago, so I'm basing it off of that.
Still. This time NEXT month? My parents will be visiting, and then my inlaws will be here RIGHT after that. I will try not to kill anyone by the end of that experiment.
First, my home phone stopped working. It has been iffy for awhile, so I went out and bought a new one. $50
Second, my cell phone totally bit the dust. Screen is black, buttons don't work. *sigh* Tomorrow, I will be getting a new one and I haven't had this one long enough to qualify for a rebate. $?
Third, my coffee maker would not work this morning. This is the icing on the cake. I can live without a phone if I must, but no coffee?! I think not.
I spent all morning researching and after my head was properly spinning from reading reviews (there are A LOT of coffee makers out there) I finally picked one. Luckily, I had $30 worth of Amazon gift cards burning a hole in my pocket so it didn't cost me as much as it might have. $50ish
----
I'm feeling irritable. It's never good when tiny, little, insignificant things irritate you and even YOU know you're being RIDICULOUS. Plus, I'm on a diet, so... crabby AND hungry. Stay out of my way.
All the little things that I'm doing (eating better, vitamin D3, fish oil, less caffeine, exercise, more sleep, TRYING to meditate, SAD light) seem to have helped to their maximum potential. I don't feel so down anymore, but at certain times I cannot shake the irritability and, let's just say it - bitchiness - that shows up. I may find certain family members more annoying than usual, or little things that people do that I would normally find inconsiderate, self-centered, or even rude; I suddenly find infuriating. I *almost* post my unvarnished opinion on message board posts, and then pull back. I find myself closer than ever to telling off the person giving me sh*tty customer service. The kids might hear my "outside voice" a
Still. This time NEXT month? My parents will be visiting, and then my inlaws will be here RIGHT after that. I will try not to kill anyone by the end of that experiment.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I can't think of a witty way to say "random"
Oh good! Another post where I can't piece together a complete thought and instead ping pong around here like a small child hopped up on Valentine's candy!
* WW is going well. 2 pounds down! Er... *mumblemumble* pounds to go. I'm taking it 10 pounds at a time, in which case, I'm already 40% of the way to my first goal! (I'm counting those OTHER 2 pounds I'd already lost. What? )
* D sent me roses and a small box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. Seriously, these chocolates were the most delicious ones I've ever had. The chocolate part was thick, the insides were sweet but not overwhelmingly so, and there was an assortment of dark and milk chocolate. Best part? Only one of them was fruity flavored, and it was a truffle (dark chocolate raspberry) so I was willing to overlook it. He got them at proflowers, but they are made by the Rocky Mountain Chocolate company. They are just like these. (Ignore the strawberries in that picture) I should say they WERE just like these, because those 8 tiny pieces of Heaven are long gone. Thank goodness WW gives you splurge points.
After the kids were in bed it was The Bachelor, a glass of wine and my chocolates. Even better, D doesn't like chocolate ( !!! ) so I didn't have to share.
* And now I'm thinking... don't THESE look delicious!? Oh. Yum.
Oh, or what about these?!! Toffee is a special weakness.
However, a spending freeze + a diet gives me two reasons not to buy them. Right? RIGHT?
(Also:
Dear PMS, Bad timing.
Love, Me)
*sigh* OK. Closing that site now. You all almost saw me have a very public chocolate binge. heh
Annnnd, moving on...
* Why does my 3 year old (OK, almost 4) have to pee 4 times in less than 30 minutes when he's supposed to be sleeping, but absolutely has to be convinced, bribed, threatened and/or forced to go every other time?! Yes, I know it's a control thing but what I DON'T know is how to keep my head from popping off the 4th time he gets up.
* I'm feeling rather "over" facebook these days. Maybe it won't be so hard to give it up for Lent, after all.
* Speaking of Lent, D & I have finally, FINALLY agreed to try new churches. I am having some fundamental problems with Catholicism, and I need to try a few new churches on for fit and decide if it's just our church that I'm not feeling, or if (as I suspect) it's Catholicism in general. I, ah... don't really want to get into a debate on religions here, so I'm cautiously posting this one.
* My 5 (almost 6) year old got a candy gram* from a little girl in his class yesterday. I was not expecting that.
* The PTA collects money and you can send special heart candy with a little note to other students or teachers.
* WW is going well. 2 pounds down! Er... *mumblemumble* pounds to go. I'm taking it 10 pounds at a time, in which case, I'm already 40% of the way to my first goal! (I'm counting those OTHER 2 pounds I'd already lost. What? )
* D sent me roses and a small box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. Seriously, these chocolates were the most delicious ones I've ever had. The chocolate part was thick, the insides were sweet but not overwhelmingly so, and there was an assortment of dark and milk chocolate. Best part? Only one of them was fruity flavored, and it was a truffle (dark chocolate raspberry) so I was willing to overlook it. He got them at proflowers, but they are made by the Rocky Mountain Chocolate company. They are just like these. (Ignore the strawberries in that picture) I should say they WERE just like these, because those 8 tiny pieces of Heaven are long gone. Thank goodness WW gives you splurge points.
After the kids were in bed it was The Bachelor, a glass of wine and my chocolates. Even better, D doesn't like chocolate ( !!! ) so I didn't have to share.
* And now I'm thinking... don't THESE look delicious!? Oh. Yum.
However, a spending freeze + a diet gives me two reasons not to buy them. Right? RIGHT?
(Also:
Dear PMS, Bad timing.
*sigh* OK. Closing that site now. You all almost saw me have a very public chocolate binge. heh
Annnnd, moving on...
* Why does my 3 year old (OK, almost 4) have to pee 4 times in less than 30 minutes when he's supposed to be sleeping, but absolutely has to be convinced, bribed, threatened and/or forced to go every other time?! Yes, I know it's a control thing but what I DON'T know is how to keep my head from popping off the 4th time he gets up.
* I'm feeling rather "over" facebook these days. Maybe it won't be so hard to give it up for Lent, after all.
* Speaking of Lent, D & I have finally, FINALLY agreed to try new churches. I am having some fundamental problems with Catholicism, and I need to try a few new churches on for fit and decide if it's just our church that I'm not feeling, or if (as I suspect) it's Catholicism in general. I, ah... don't really want to get into a debate on religions here, so I'm cautiously posting this one.
* My 5 (almost 6) year old got a candy gram* from a little girl in his class yesterday. I was not expecting that.
* The PTA collects money and you can send special heart candy with a little note to other students or teachers.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
ping
I have all these thoughts that won't quit bouncing around in my brain! I have been trying to teach myself to meditate and I had no idea that I wouldn't be able to shut my brain off. I have to tell MYSELF to shut up.
Just focus. *ping* I need to do laundry. *ping* I'm doing it! No, wait... I'm thinking about it, so I must NOT be doing it? *ping* I'm going to ask the Internets about this... dangit! I'm thinking again. Just STOP THINKING. *ping* Is it even possible to stop thinking? UGH. Just try again. *ping* What are the cats doing?! That reminds me, I need to find a new vet for Penny. Oops, thinking again. *ping* Just focus on the sound of your breathing. *ping* I wonder what they're going to do about xyz. I wonder what D thinks about this. ugggg *ping* Why can't I stop thinking? DAMMIT.
< give up >
So, yeah. Meditating is not going well.
I tried to use a hypnosis CD (yes, I have hypnosis CDs) today while the kids were "napping" and between the dog randomly barking, 23 potty breaks, the baby deciding she didn't really WANT to sleep and my own brain pinging around.... it didn't go well either. I seem to have lost all focus lately.
--------------
We had another snow day today. It seems like old hat now, snow. I'm totally over it.
The kids are too. d was happy for a snow day, but nobody wanted to go outside and play in it.
---------------
Today is my 3rd day on WW and it's going well. The new plan is easier, in my opinion, because you can eat a lot more food as long as you're eating healthy food. Apparently, for me to lose weight, I have to pay money. I've already lost a pound. Could be coincidence, I suppose.
Just focus. *ping* I need to do laundry. *ping* I'm doing it! No, wait... I'm thinking about it, so I must NOT be doing it? *ping* I'm going to ask the Internets about this... dangit! I'm thinking again. Just STOP THINKING. *ping* Is it even possible to stop thinking? UGH. Just try again. *ping* What are the cats doing?! That reminds me, I need to find a new vet for Penny. Oops, thinking again. *ping* Just focus on the sound of your breathing. *ping* I wonder what they're going to do about xyz. I wonder what D thinks about this. ugggg *ping* Why can't I stop thinking? DAMMIT.
< give up >
So, yeah. Meditating is not going well.
I tried to use a hypnosis CD (yes, I have hypnosis CDs) today while the kids were "napping" and between the dog randomly barking, 23 potty breaks, the baby deciding she didn't really WANT to sleep and my own brain pinging around.... it didn't go well either. I seem to have lost all focus lately.
--------------
We had another snow day today. It seems like old hat now, snow. I'm totally over it.
The kids are too. d was happy for a snow day, but nobody wanted to go outside and play in it.
---------------
Today is my 3rd day on WW and it's going well. The new plan is easier, in my opinion, because you can eat a lot more food as long as you're eating healthy food. Apparently, for me to lose weight, I have to pay money. I've already lost a pound. Could be coincidence, I suppose.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
I have lots of plans for the next 365 days. (And yes, if you're doing the 30 day blogging thing, I skipped straight to the end. I'm such a daredevil.)
First and foremost, I plan to survive. This raising kids is hard business and surviving is basically always first on my list.
I plan to have 3 small birthday parties this spring, for the boys. D will turn 31 and I'm not sure what we're going to do for that. We'll celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary a few days before that.
We plan to take a trip to Texas, and Missouri, probably rolled into one. (crazy.) We plan to visit the beach at some point, and maybe D & I will manage a night away. I'm not holding my breath, but OH HOW I NEED A BREAK.
I plan for this to be the year I finally get down to pre-child1 pregnancy weight. I've been making a lot better choices this year, eating healthier and trying to stay active but not actively dieting. I've lost a grand total of 2 pounds. TWO.
Clearly, this is a good way to maintain weight. Too bad that's not what I was going for.
I'm planning on joining WW again when I finish this blog post. I got an email from them yesterday and frankly? I'm ready to quit screwing around.
I'll turn 30 in September and I want to do something special. Maybe I'll ask for some noise canceling head phones.
This is the year I'm going to sleep through the night consistently. Amen to that!
d will be in first grade and I hope that it will be a great experience for him. We're still deciding WHERE he will be, exactly.
L will turn 2 in December, and the year will be nearly over. I can't believe the baby will actually turn 2 this year. She's still so little! Just a baby. This time next year she will probably be driving me crazy with potty training, tantrums and drama.
I want to take a weekend off and go somewhere with the girls.
I plan to join the Y, give to charity, cut down our grocery budget and pay down our mortgage.
I plan to give up Facebook for Lent. I PLAN to. I think.
I'm looking forward to everyone being just a little older, and the teeniest bit more self sufficient. d will turn 6 in March, O will turn 4 in April and C will turn the dreaded 3 in May.
We'll usher in the new New Year, 2012. We probably won't stay up to see the ball drop, again. I probably won't really care, again.
A dream...
To invent a better, faster, cheaper way to travel? What? Too lofty?
The biggest dream is finding a way to take a stress free vacation where D & I can actually spend some time alone together. Our marriage could use a little extra TLC.
It sounds sort of boring, doesn't it? There is nothing earth shattering or super exciting on this list, but it's a good list for me, nonetheless. It's a life - a good one - and it's mine.
What are some of your ambitions for the next 365 days?
First and foremost, I plan to survive. This raising kids is hard business and surviving is basically always first on my list.
I plan to have 3 small birthday parties this spring, for the boys. D will turn 31 and I'm not sure what we're going to do for that. We'll celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary a few days before that.
We plan to take a trip to Texas, and Missouri, probably rolled into one. (crazy.) We plan to visit the beach at some point, and maybe D & I will manage a night away. I'm not holding my breath, but OH HOW I NEED A BREAK.
I plan for this to be the year I finally get down to pre-child1 pregnancy weight. I've been making a lot better choices this year, eating healthier and trying to stay active but not actively dieting. I've lost a grand total of 2 pounds. TWO.
Clearly, this is a good way to maintain weight. Too bad that's not what I was going for.
I'm planning on joining WW again when I finish this blog post. I got an email from them yesterday and frankly? I'm ready to quit screwing around.
I'll turn 30 in September and I want to do something special. Maybe I'll ask for some noise canceling head phones.
This is the year I'm going to sleep through the night consistently. Amen to that!
d will be in first grade and I hope that it will be a great experience for him. We're still deciding WHERE he will be, exactly.
L will turn 2 in December, and the year will be nearly over. I can't believe the baby will actually turn 2 this year. She's still so little! Just a baby. This time next year she will probably be driving me crazy with potty training, tantrums and drama.
I want to take a weekend off and go somewhere with the girls.
I plan to join the Y, give to charity, cut down our grocery budget and pay down our mortgage.
I plan to give up Facebook for Lent. I PLAN to. I think.
I'm looking forward to everyone being just a little older, and the teeniest bit more self sufficient. d will turn 6 in March, O will turn 4 in April and C will turn the dreaded 3 in May.
We'll usher in the new New Year, 2012. We probably won't stay up to see the ball drop, again. I probably won't really care, again.
A dream...
To invent a better, faster, cheaper way to travel? What? Too lofty?
The biggest dream is finding a way to take a stress free vacation where D & I can actually spend some time alone together. Our marriage could use a little extra TLC.
It sounds sort of boring, doesn't it? There is nothing earth shattering or super exciting on this list, but it's a good list for me, nonetheless. It's a life - a good one - and it's mine.
What are some of your ambitions for the next 365 days?
Monday, February 07, 2011
and yet
*sigh* This morning has started off like a big, fat, ugly, MONDAY. An early start, after a late-ish bedtime, left me feeling groggy. Then, there were 3 major clean ups; 2 kids, 1 cat, all before 7:30AM. It didn't help that I woke up feeling like my cold and headache came back, when I'd been feeling pretty much perfect over the weekend. I am feeling down in spirit because of some family issues, and if this nervous tummy doesn't go away soon, I may end up with an ulcer.
And yet, I am feeling incredibly blessed. My life is far from perfect. D & I fight about the right ways to handle the kids, rugby, travel, family and a bunch of other useless crap, but we love each other and we usually work it out. The kids are both challenging (O threw a gigantic fit about his banana not being properly peeled this morning) and disgusting, while also being completely adorable, lovable and hilarious. (C is walking around in my shoes saying, "I am Mama!" )
Valentine's Day is coming up, and it always makes me think about the State of The Union, so to speak. Things are not perfect, but The Union is running pretty smoothly. (At least for today. Tomorrow, he could piss me off. haha)
I can hardly believe I've been with this man for almost 14 years. We were children. Sometimes, I can't believe that we've actually survived all the changes, and growing up, without growing apart.
My first date with D was a few weeks after my 16th birthday, and I will be 30 when this year's birthday rolls around. My almost-30 year old self looks back at those children and is amazed that we had the determination to stick it out, especially in the early years. Now that we have built a life and a family, our love has taken on a whole new meaning. We have an example to set for our kids, and I feel like we are setting a good one. We have a lot invested in this life we've built together, and as each year passes we get in deeper and deeper.
I have no doubt that life will throw more at us in the years to come; we still have many mountains to climb before the sun sets. I can only pray that we will continue to endure and decide to stay together. In many ways, I feel like I've just gotten lucky thus far, and if that's the case then I hope the luck will hold.
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
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If you are married, or in a relationship, what is your best piece of advice for others? (mine is in the comments)
I think we all have a lot to learn from each other. After all, no relationship is without struggle.
And yet, I am feeling incredibly blessed. My life is far from perfect. D & I fight about the right ways to handle the kids, rugby, travel, family and a bunch of other useless crap, but we love each other and we usually work it out. The kids are both challenging (O threw a gigantic fit about his banana not being properly peeled this morning) and disgusting, while also being completely adorable, lovable and hilarious. (C is walking around in my shoes saying, "I am Mama!" )
Valentine's Day is coming up, and it always makes me think about the State of The Union, so to speak. Things are not perfect, but The Union is running pretty smoothly. (At least for today. Tomorrow, he could piss me off. haha)
I can hardly believe I've been with this man for almost 14 years. We were children. Sometimes, I can't believe that we've actually survived all the changes, and growing up, without growing apart.
My first date with D was a few weeks after my 16th birthday, and I will be 30 when this year's birthday rolls around. My almost-30 year old self looks back at those children and is amazed that we had the determination to stick it out, especially in the early years. Now that we have built a life and a family, our love has taken on a whole new meaning. We have an example to set for our kids, and I feel like we are setting a good one. We have a lot invested in this life we've built together, and as each year passes we get in deeper and deeper.
I have no doubt that life will throw more at us in the years to come; we still have many mountains to climb before the sun sets. I can only pray that we will continue to endure and decide to stay together. In many ways, I feel like I've just gotten lucky thus far, and if that's the case then I hope the luck will hold.
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
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If you are married, or in a relationship, what is your best piece of advice for others? (mine is in the comments)
I think we all have a lot to learn from each other. After all, no relationship is without struggle.
Friday, February 04, 2011
half way
Day 15 — My celebrity crush
I don't really have a crush on any celebrities. I sort of hate these questions, but anyway... here are two of my favorite hotties. ;)
I don't really have a crush on any celebrities. I sort of hate these questions, but anyway... here are two of my favorite hotties. ;)
Thursday, February 03, 2011
An old photo
 |
| d @ 14 months old on a trip to the beach. Miss L looks much like him here, in my opinion. |
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Sometimes I forget...
I woke up this morning with a throat that feels so swollen, I can hardly swallow. I can still talk, but even swallowing my coffee was painful. My head is also pounding, but it's been hurting for 3 days or more now, so I guess that's nothing new.
As you might guess, it's harder to have patience with my children when I don't feel well. This has been a long week, and it's only Wednesday. I told D last night that if this was a paid job - where I have to clean up poop in the shower, listen to fighting until my ears ring, and hear complaints/whining about EV.ER.EY.THING - I would just quit. He looked at me like that is the worst thing I could have ever said, but seriously? I bet his boss doesn't scream at him if the report isn't just right, or poop on the floor. I'm just sayin'...
Take the way I feel for my children out of this equation and this job can really bite. Luckily, I DO love them dearly so that makes this job quite a bit better.
Before I had kids, I knew parenting would be hard. I mean, it's growing and raising whole new people. It even sounds impossible! Some parts of it have been easier than I could have imagined, but it's not an easy job. Raising these kids is the most important thing I will ever do.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. NO PRESSURE.
Sometimes, it's hard to remember why we started this thing in the first place. What have we gotten ourselves into?!
Unconditional love.
Extreme responsibility.
Baby snuggles, kisses, laughs.
Lack of sleep.
A real sense of what matters.
A lot of disgustingness.
Viewing the world through a child's eyes and learning from their simple faith.
Balancing what they need with what you need.
Giving up a lot.
Gaining more than you realized. Way more.
Worry. About everything.
Wonder. About everything.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
It always comes back to me...
As you might guess, it's harder to have patience with my children when I don't feel well. This has been a long week, and it's only Wednesday. I told D last night that if this was a paid job - where I have to clean up poop in the shower, listen to fighting until my ears ring, and hear complaints/whining about EV.ER.EY.THING - I would just quit. He looked at me like that is the worst thing I could have ever said, but seriously? I bet his boss doesn't scream at him if the report isn't just right, or poop on the floor. I'm just sayin'...
Take the way I feel for my children out of this equation and this job can really bite. Luckily, I DO love them dearly so that makes this job quite a bit better.
Before I had kids, I knew parenting would be hard. I mean, it's growing and raising whole new people. It even sounds impossible! Some parts of it have been easier than I could have imagined, but it's not an easy job. Raising these kids is the most important thing I will ever do.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. NO PRESSURE.
Sometimes, it's hard to remember why we started this thing in the first place. What have we gotten ourselves into?!
Unconditional love.
Extreme responsibility.
Baby snuggles, kisses, laughs.
Lack of sleep.
A real sense of what matters.
A lot of disgustingness.
Viewing the world through a child's eyes and learning from their simple faith.
Balancing what they need with what you need.
Giving up a lot.
Gaining more than you realized. Way more.
Worry. About everything.
Wonder. About everything.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
It always comes back to me...
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
buys
Day 12 — Something I bought recently
A new dishwasher is the first thing that comes to mind. That was a necessity, in my opinion, because our old one not only broke but it was also a recall. (fire hazard! eek!) You guys, this new dishwasher? It cleans the dishes! It requires NO RINSING. I have put some Dis-GUSTING stuff in there and it comes so clean. I am in loooove with this thing!
Day 13 — Something I want to buy
We're sort of in a self-imposed spending freeze, so I'm trying not to think about what I want to buy. However, I've been thinking of something like this, but with 4 eggs, and possibly a painting instead of a photo, but you get the idea. Maybe for Mother's Day.
You know what else I want to buy? A vacation.
I. Need. A. Vacation.
We have taken a few family vacations, but D & I haven't been away together since we had kids. I'm talking 2 nights minimum here, people. My 30th birthday is coming up this year (not until September) so maybe we'll be able to make some arrangements.
A new dishwasher is the first thing that comes to mind. That was a necessity, in my opinion, because our old one not only broke but it was also a recall. (fire hazard! eek!) You guys, this new dishwasher? It cleans the dishes! It requires NO RINSING. I have put some Dis-GUSTING stuff in there and it comes so clean. I am in loooove with this thing!
Day 13 — Something I want to buy
We're sort of in a self-imposed spending freeze, so I'm trying not to think about what I want to buy. However, I've been thinking of something like this, but with 4 eggs, and possibly a painting instead of a photo, but you get the idea. Maybe for Mother's Day.
You know what else I want to buy? A vacation.
I. Need. A. Vacation.
We have taken a few family vacations, but D & I haven't been away together since we had kids. I'm talking 2 nights minimum here, people. My 30th birthday is coming up this year (not until September) so maybe we'll be able to make some arrangements.
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