Operation Gain Control is underway. I've decided that, until my next birthday, I will be implementing a spending freeze and a diet. (The spending freeze was inspired by all the bills I paid yesterday - and the non-essentials that accounted for a big chunk of the cc bill - and the diet was inspired by the scale.)
It's only been a day but it's already been kind of hard. I went to Barnes & N*ble last night and there were at least 5 books I wanted to download to my Kindle, but I refrained. I did buy a coffee though, which is iffy on the diet. I had already decided that I would be "allowed" to use the garage sale cash I had stashed away for coffee dates, and small purchases. (It's about $60.)
My birthday (30!) is about 10 weeks away. It's not that long, but hopefully it will be long enough to start some new, better, habits. Maybe I'll enter my 30's a little lighter on the scale and a little heavier in the pocket book.
I do feel like I need to gain some control over my life. When I'm feeling down, I try not to be an emotional eater. (Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.) Often, I'll use shopping as an alternate pick me up, and that can also get out of hand. I think I need to find better ways to manage my emotions, so this is part of that process.
Operation Gain Control! Wish me luck.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
I'm not just being dramatic
I know it's so cliche to say, "I need a vacation!" but in this case it is true. I am not being dramatic when I say that I REALLY NEED A VACATION.
Without the kids.
Seriously, how do you guys stay connected to your spouse? We try to spend time together but there are kids all over one or both of us, and they NEED stuff - ALL the time! They go to bed fairly early, but by then we're also exhausted and it takes an act of Congress to persuade us to do anything besides collapse on the couch and watch TV. A date night would be nice, but that's not going to cut it. We need to get away together, without the kids, and without visiting anyone we're related to.
Do you know the last time I spent a night away from home, with D, and without any children?
Probably not, because *I* can't even remember. I know there was one night that my parents watched the boys overnight and D and I went out to dinner, a movie and stayed in a local hotel and came home in time for breakfast. It must have been during Miss L's pregnancy, because no one was nursing and I know we've never left Miss L overnight. So... it's been awhile.
AND that was the only night we've ever spent alone since our first child was born. I know it's not that unusual; it's hard to leave small children with anyone - especially when there are 4 of them. Also, living so far away from grandparents makes this a difficult task.
They are all sleeping through the night now though, (thank you!) and my hope is that someday soon D & I will be able to have a bit of couple time. It's amazing how much you can miss someone that is right next to you.
Without the kids.
Seriously, how do you guys stay connected to your spouse? We try to spend time together but there are kids all over one or both of us, and they NEED stuff - ALL the time! They go to bed fairly early, but by then we're also exhausted and it takes an act of Congress to persuade us to do anything besides collapse on the couch and watch TV. A date night would be nice, but that's not going to cut it. We need to get away together, without the kids, and without visiting anyone we're related to.
Do you know the last time I spent a night away from home, with D, and without any children?
Probably not, because *I* can't even remember. I know there was one night that my parents watched the boys overnight and D and I went out to dinner, a movie and stayed in a local hotel and came home in time for breakfast. It must have been during Miss L's pregnancy, because no one was nursing and I know we've never left Miss L overnight. So... it's been awhile.
AND that was the only night we've ever spent alone since our first child was born. I know it's not that unusual; it's hard to leave small children with anyone - especially when there are 4 of them. Also, living so far away from grandparents makes this a difficult task.
They are all sleeping through the night now though, (thank you!) and my hope is that someday soon D & I will be able to have a bit of couple time. It's amazing how much you can miss someone that is right next to you.
Friday, June 24, 2011
dreams
I recently heard that an acquaintance found out she's pregnant after her husband's successful vasectomy 2 years ago. Even though D has been tested, I asked him to go again. He said no.
Then, I had a dream that I was pregnant. (I was not so happy in the dream.) I asked D again to get checked, one more time. Again, he refused. I can't say I really blame him. If it were up to me, I guess I'd schedule a regular check up, every year, for about the next, oh... 25 years or so.
----
I have a dream to be thin again. *sigh* I think I've dreamed it so long that I think I've stopped actually doing anything about it. I eat pretty healthily, although I could certainly cut out sugar. (and alcohol)
I work out. I have an active life.
And yet! I don't lose weight! In fact, I gain it!
I'm beyond frustrated with myself right now. I weigh more, right this very minute, than I did at this time last year - with a SIX MONTH OLD BABY.
You guys, this has got to stop. I really must gain control of this situation! I want to be healthier, but I also want to be THINNER. I could lose 50 pounds and STILL be 10 pounds heavier than I was on my wedding day. I've read the books, I've done the diets, I've changed my lifestyle. I know the things to avoid, the things to eat, and the tricks and plans and what have you.
Truthfully, I'm starting to feel pretty hopeless! For the first time in my life I feel like diet and exercise and sheer determination aren't doing the trick. Either, I'm not trying hard enough even though I WANT to, or I AM trying hard enough but it's not working. I'm not sure which is worse.
----
Kitty dreams:
Then, I had a dream that I was pregnant. (I was not so happy in the dream.) I asked D again to get checked, one more time. Again, he refused. I can't say I really blame him. If it were up to me, I guess I'd schedule a regular check up, every year, for about the next, oh... 25 years or so.
----
I have a dream to be thin again. *sigh* I think I've dreamed it so long that I think I've stopped actually doing anything about it. I eat pretty healthily, although I could certainly cut out sugar. (and alcohol)
I work out. I have an active life.
And yet! I don't lose weight! In fact, I gain it!
I'm beyond frustrated with myself right now. I weigh more, right this very minute, than I did at this time last year - with a SIX MONTH OLD BABY.
You guys, this has got to stop. I really must gain control of this situation! I want to be healthier, but I also want to be THINNER. I could lose 50 pounds and STILL be 10 pounds heavier than I was on my wedding day. I've read the books, I've done the diets, I've changed my lifestyle. I know the things to avoid, the things to eat, and the tricks and plans and what have you.
Truthfully, I'm starting to feel pretty hopeless! For the first time in my life I feel like diet and exercise and sheer determination aren't doing the trick. Either, I'm not trying hard enough even though I WANT to, or I AM trying hard enough but it's not working. I'm not sure which is worse.
----
Kitty dreams:
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Well, isn't that special
We are alive! We survived a 2,000+ mile road trip!
We got to see my sister and her family, which is always nice, even if it causes tension between us and D's parents. (Any time we spend with my sister -- or anyone else, really -- seems to be too much. I'm not sure how to remedy that, but I'm not really trying either. ha)
We got to see D's brothers and wives, and that was nice. We don't see our extended family nearly enough. We even got to sneak away for coffee a time or two. (Harder than you might think.)
On the other hand, D has some interesting family members and we got to spend plenty of time with them too.
Weird side note, it was 115 one day while we there and there were NO days that it wasn't at least 105. And DRY. 115 doesn't even seem liveable, if you ask me. (and I live in Alabama, so it's not like I'm not used to heat.)
In my opinion, the absolute worst part of family trips is parenting with an audience. The kids are in a new place, and spoiled, sugared up, and sleep deprived and not always on their best behavior, which presents interesting parenting situations. Then, there is the added fun of handling these situations with several extra sets (or sometimes A LOT of sets) of eyes of you.
Now, I already know D's parents and I do not have similar parenting strategies and none of the siblings have children yet, so I always feel a lot of extra pressure. (even if it's imagined.) I think it's normal to think about what you would do if they were your kids, and so I always feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. (My pre-parent days had PLENTY of "If those were MY kids!" moments, unfortunately.) I don't want to be too lenient or so and so will think my kids are brats and talk about it with the entire town, and I don't want to be too strict and have them think I suck and I don't like it when D acts differently than we normally do because he wants his parents to approve, and I want them to behave but SOMEONE is giving them popsicles before church when they are in fancy clothes and expecting tired, TIRED children to behave perfectly, and omgIjustwanttogohome.
Obviously, some of that pressure if just me wanting people to love my kids and see them as super awesome, like I do. Ah! The pressure! (I know some of them do, I don't know why I care about the others.)
Almost as bad as parenting with an audience is parenting with help. Help is good though, right?
Sometimes.
I am not one to get my panties in a twist if someone corrects one of the kids. I don't think they should be standing on the table either, or jumping on the couch or WHATEVER, especially if it's your house. But, telling them they have to eat all the food on their plate or they don't get dessert? THAT is none of your business, particularly if I'm sitting right there. We don't make them clean their plates and no, I don't think that's spoiling them. After 6 years of me telling them they can stop when they aren't hungry anymore, you would think it would sink in.
And, I don't appreciate the comparisons either. (Your brothers are going to get bigger than you. They are faster than you! Who's going to finish first? They will get dessert and you won't! AHH!)
Putting your hand over their mouth when they are WHISPERING in church is precisely the reason I don't want to go with you. If I'm sitting there and allowing them to whisper then let it go. These are not your kids and not your rules. Whispering is OK with me. Hands off.
I could go on, but I think I should stop.
All in all, it was a pretty good trip. I don't think it's possible to get together with family and NOT be annoyed by something. Most things are pretty minor, in the long run. The kids had fun, we had fun, and we made the 1,000 mile drive home in one day. We were really ready to be home!
(It also sucks to unpack an overflowing minivan for a one night hotel stay, where no one sleeps well. It was easier just to push through and deal with the aftermath in the comfort and privacy of our own home.)
The first thing D did when he woke up was go in to work, even though he had the whole day off. Don't ask me how I feel about that.
Then, we went to run some errands (like get some food for our empty fridge) and we stopped by the animal shelter. My sister lives in the country and they had at least a dozen kittens, which did not help the kids' kitten fever. They would have sent one home with us, but 4 kids, 2 parents AND a kitten on a long road trip was just too much to imagine.
We have accepted that Peso is not coming back. His food in the garage was untouched when we came home and I checked every day we were gone with no sign of him. I'm still sad about it, but we have a new little guy to play with Pepper and us. He is an adorable little ball of the softest fluff. He purrs when you touch him and he is just as sweet as can be. Pepper has been bugging him mercilessly, and I hope they'll be good friends. After much debate, the kids decided his name should be Pirate Pipsqueak. We will probably call him Pip, although he does have a patch over one eye so Pirate might be more suitable.
I can't believe Blogger is being such a pain in the ass. It won't let me upload pictures of Pepper and Pirate Pipsqueak so a link is the best I can do.
PICTURES
We got to see my sister and her family, which is always nice, even if it causes tension between us and D's parents. (Any time we spend with my sister -- or anyone else, really -- seems to be too much. I'm not sure how to remedy that, but I'm not really trying either. ha)
We got to see D's brothers and wives, and that was nice. We don't see our extended family nearly enough. We even got to sneak away for coffee a time or two. (Harder than you might think.)
On the other hand, D has some interesting family members and we got to spend plenty of time with them too.
Weird side note, it was 115 one day while we there and there were NO days that it wasn't at least 105. And DRY. 115 doesn't even seem liveable, if you ask me. (and I live in Alabama, so it's not like I'm not used to heat.)
In my opinion, the absolute worst part of family trips is parenting with an audience. The kids are in a new place, and spoiled, sugared up, and sleep deprived and not always on their best behavior, which presents interesting parenting situations. Then, there is the added fun of handling these situations with several extra sets (or sometimes A LOT of sets) of eyes of you.
Now, I already know D's parents and I do not have similar parenting strategies and none of the siblings have children yet, so I always feel a lot of extra pressure. (even if it's imagined.) I think it's normal to think about what you would do if they were your kids, and so I always feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. (My pre-parent days had PLENTY of "If those were MY kids!" moments, unfortunately.) I don't want to be too lenient or so and so will think my kids are brats and talk about it with the entire town, and I don't want to be too strict and have them think I suck and I don't like it when D acts differently than we normally do because he wants his parents to approve, and I want them to behave but SOMEONE is giving them popsicles before church when they are in fancy clothes and expecting tired, TIRED children to behave perfectly, and omgIjustwanttogohome.
Obviously, some of that pressure if just me wanting people to love my kids and see them as super awesome, like I do. Ah! The pressure! (I know some of them do, I don't know why I care about the others.)
Almost as bad as parenting with an audience is parenting with help. Help is good though, right?
Sometimes.
I am not one to get my panties in a twist if someone corrects one of the kids. I don't think they should be standing on the table either, or jumping on the couch or WHATEVER, especially if it's your house. But, telling them they have to eat all the food on their plate or they don't get dessert? THAT is none of your business, particularly if I'm sitting right there. We don't make them clean their plates and no, I don't think that's spoiling them. After 6 years of me telling them they can stop when they aren't hungry anymore, you would think it would sink in.
And, I don't appreciate the comparisons either. (Your brothers are going to get bigger than you. They are faster than you! Who's going to finish first? They will get dessert and you won't! AHH!)
Putting your hand over their mouth when they are WHISPERING in church is precisely the reason I don't want to go with you. If I'm sitting there and allowing them to whisper then let it go. These are not your kids and not your rules. Whispering is OK with me. Hands off.
I could go on, but I think I should stop.
All in all, it was a pretty good trip. I don't think it's possible to get together with family and NOT be annoyed by something. Most things are pretty minor, in the long run. The kids had fun, we had fun, and we made the 1,000 mile drive home in one day. We were really ready to be home!
(It also sucks to unpack an overflowing minivan for a one night hotel stay, where no one sleeps well. It was easier just to push through and deal with the aftermath in the comfort and privacy of our own home.)
The first thing D did when he woke up was go in to work, even though he had the whole day off. Don't ask me how I feel about that.
Then, we went to run some errands (like get some food for our empty fridge) and we stopped by the animal shelter. My sister lives in the country and they had at least a dozen kittens, which did not help the kids' kitten fever. They would have sent one home with us, but 4 kids, 2 parents AND a kitten on a long road trip was just too much to imagine.
We have accepted that Peso is not coming back. His food in the garage was untouched when we came home and I checked every day we were gone with no sign of him. I'm still sad about it, but we have a new little guy to play with Pepper and us. He is an adorable little ball of the softest fluff. He purrs when you touch him and he is just as sweet as can be. Pepper has been bugging him mercilessly, and I hope they'll be good friends. After much debate, the kids decided his name should be Pirate Pipsqueak. We will probably call him Pip, although he does have a patch over one eye so Pirate might be more suitable.
I can't believe Blogger is being such a pain in the ass. It won't let me upload pictures of Pepper and Pirate Pipsqueak so a link is the best I can do.
PICTURES
Saturday, June 11, 2011
eating. traveling.
It's just after 10AM and here is a list of what has been eaten at my house, only by the children:
2 eggs
2 slices of cheese
4 links of sausage
4 bowls of cereal
5 bars of fruit leather (3 from Miss L!)
half a "can" of baby puffs (those ones that look like cheese puffs)
a large bowl of goldfish
2 cereal bars
a bowl of grapes
a bowl of strawberries
an apple
It's no wonder we spend almost as much on our groceries as we do on our mortgage.
-----
We have our annual2 day torturous drive road trip to Texas coming up and I'm getting nervous. Miss L is currently in a stage where any drive over 15 minutes = a lot of screeching.
d gets car sick if he's eaten before we drive or if he's eating while we drive or if we're in the car more than 20 minutes or if the road is curvy or if D drives too fast. (D always drives too fast.) Otherwise, d is a good rider. He rarely sleeps in the car though; he must get that from me.
O is currently a very good car rider. He likes to sit and watch movies and eating in the car is like a special picnic to him.
On the other hand, C is a ball of 3 year old energy every minute of every day, so... yeah.
Then, there is the stress of squeezing all 6 of us into hotel rooms, and then 2 (hopefully 2...) rooms at my inlaw's house and the lack of sleep and the job of spending adequate time with everyone and making sure no one's feelings are hurt. (I'm not sure this EVER happens, but some people have sensitive feelings.)
Not to mention, the timing of the trip isn't the best for me... um... in a certain personal way, if you know what I mean. *sigh*
Oh, and between now and then I have to hold the mail, kennel the dog, ask a neighbor to check on Pepper, leave food in the garage for Peso in case, by some miracle, he comes back while we're gone. And pack for five, plus snacks and entertainment and noise machines, loveys, and a godawful amount of other crap. And clean out the car. And plan Fun Things To Do along the route, in states that are lacking in Fun Things To Do.
I alwaysalwaysalways do this before a trip; I freak about the inane details. The actual visiting has some really good parts though. I get to see my only nieces and my sisters (and their husbands of course), and the kids always love spending time with Grandma and Grandpa.
It's just the getting there, and even WORSE, the getting HOME, when there is nothing to look forward to but Mt. Laundry and a pile of mail and trying to get back to regular life while sleep deprived and coming down from spoiling and crappy eating.
Anyway... that was uplifting.
I'm going to go clean out the car now and think about having lunch or coffee with my sisters, and going to the zoo with my nieces. That will give me some motivation.
2 eggs
2 slices of cheese
4 links of sausage
4 bowls of cereal
5 bars of fruit leather (3 from Miss L!)
half a "can" of baby puffs (those ones that look like cheese puffs)
a large bowl of goldfish
2 cereal bars
a bowl of grapes
a bowl of strawberries
an apple
It's no wonder we spend almost as much on our groceries as we do on our mortgage.
-----
We have our annual
d gets car sick if he's eaten before we drive or if he's eating while we drive or if we're in the car more than 20 minutes or if the road is curvy or if D drives too fast. (D always drives too fast.) Otherwise, d is a good rider. He rarely sleeps in the car though; he must get that from me.
O is currently a very good car rider. He likes to sit and watch movies and eating in the car is like a special picnic to him.
On the other hand, C is a ball of 3 year old energy every minute of every day, so... yeah.
Then, there is the stress of squeezing all 6 of us into hotel rooms, and then 2 (hopefully 2...) rooms at my inlaw's house and the lack of sleep and the job of spending adequate time with everyone and making sure no one's feelings are hurt. (I'm not sure this EVER happens, but some people have sensitive feelings.)
Not to mention, the timing of the trip isn't the best for me... um... in a certain personal way, if you know what I mean. *sigh*
Oh, and between now and then I have to hold the mail, kennel the dog, ask a neighbor to check on Pepper, leave food in the garage for Peso in case, by some miracle, he comes back while we're gone. And pack for five, plus snacks and entertainment and noise machines, loveys, and a godawful amount of other crap. And clean out the car. And plan Fun Things To Do along the route, in states that are lacking in Fun Things To Do.
I alwaysalwaysalways do this before a trip; I freak about the inane details. The actual visiting has some really good parts though. I get to see my only nieces and my sisters (and their husbands of course), and the kids always love spending time with Grandma and Grandpa.
It's just the getting there, and even WORSE, the getting HOME, when there is nothing to look forward to but Mt. Laundry and a pile of mail and trying to get back to regular life while sleep deprived and coming down from spoiling and crappy eating.
Anyway... that was uplifting.
I'm going to go clean out the car now and think about having lunch or coffee with my sisters, and going to the zoo with my nieces. That will give me some motivation.
Monday, June 06, 2011
Garden and Daddy
D had his 31st birthday Saturday. He spent the morning volunteering with clean up efforts from the tornado damage. (Part of the reason I love him is what a good guy he is. He volunteered for something like that, even on his day off AND his birthday. <3 ) We had a fun weekend, although we didn't do anything special. There were 2 pictures that I just have to share. One is D with the boys, and one is D with Miss L.
 |
| There is no relaxing around here. ha! |
 |
| Sweet |
 | ||
| Our garden. From front to back: Yellow squash, green beans, zuchinni, peas (up against the fence in the middle), corn and cantaloupe behind that, and tomatoes interspersed all over the garden. The peppers failed AGAIN. All of these were started from seed. |
 | ||
| The small fence, inside the fence, is our compost pile. The big plants around it are mostly tomatoes. We have green ones, but none are ripe yet. We started these from seeds, in the house, in late Feb or early March I think. |
 |
| Our lone surviving grape vine has really taken off this year. |
 |
| SQUASH! |
 | ||
| Our peach babies. We suddenly have a ton of Japanese beetles on the peach tree, so I'm hoping that it makes it. We had to treat the tree. |
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Craaaaaaaab
Miss L has had a cold and my goodness has she been a crab. She was actually a bit better today, but yesterday and the day before she was SO WHINY - and that's if I was holding her. If I dared to put her down, she went to full screaming mode. She has a well visit tomorrow and so I'm not going to pay $30 to take her in today, when I can take her tomorrow for free. Probably bad parenting, but that's the truth of it.
On the other hand, I opened a Crappy Day Present from Doing My Best and you know what? It did make me feel better.
----
I'm SUPER impressed with Amazon right now. I got a Kindle back when they were new, so I've had it for nearly 3 years now. In the last few months I've had trouble connecting and downloading books and then it just quit connecting at all. I figured it was broken, and definitely out of warranty, so I was going to suck it up and buy a new one. But, in a fit of bravery, I called Amazon's customer service and they. were. awesome.
After a bit of work we discovered that, indeed, it is broken and out of warranty. However, they offered to sell me a brand new one (the 3G & wifi one
) for only $85 if I send the broken one back!! It's not exactly free, but I thought it was great they gave a wonderful deal when really, they didn't owe me anything!
----
Peso and Pepper, you guys! They are so ADORABLE together!! You've got to see this video:
----
In less than 2 weeks, we are embarking on a road trip. 1,000 miles with 4 children. 5 days with family, and 1,000 miles home. There are some things I'm REALLY excited about, and some that I'm really NOT EXCITED about. Such is life.
----
Father's Day ideas? I've got D covered, but my dad and his dad are the two hardest people in our families to shop for. Please share.
On the other hand, I opened a Crappy Day Present from Doing My Best and you know what? It did make me feel better.
----
I'm SUPER impressed with Amazon right now. I got a Kindle back when they were new, so I've had it for nearly 3 years now. In the last few months I've had trouble connecting and downloading books and then it just quit connecting at all. I figured it was broken, and definitely out of warranty, so I was going to suck it up and buy a new one. But, in a fit of bravery, I called Amazon's customer service and they. were. awesome.
After a bit of work we discovered that, indeed, it is broken and out of warranty. However, they offered to sell me a brand new one (the 3G & wifi one
) for only $85 if I send the broken one back!! It's not exactly free, but I thought it was great they gave a wonderful deal when really, they didn't owe me anything!----
Peso and Pepper, you guys! They are so ADORABLE together!! You've got to see this video:
In less than 2 weeks, we are embarking on a road trip. 1,000 miles with 4 children. 5 days with family, and 1,000 miles home. There are some things I'm REALLY excited about, and some that I'm really NOT EXCITED about. Such is life.
----
Father's Day ideas? I've got D covered, but my dad and his dad are the two hardest people in our families to shop for. Please share.
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