The big secret

that no SAHM wants to share is this:
Sometimes it's boring.
There - I said it.

It's not always rewarding. It's not always fun. It's not always fulfilling or stimulating or action packed.
Sometimes it's just boring.

There are days when I'd rather work at McDonald's than play peek-a-boo ONE MORE TIME or change one more diaper.
Sure, not every day. There are plenty of days where I enjoy what I do immensely, and I *know* that if I wasn't here, I'd want to be.
That's what keeps me here.

But I refuse to perpetuate the myth that I'm not ever bored, or that I'm always busy. I'm sure I could always find things to do, but I'm fat and pregnant and sometimes just too lazy to clean the house from top to bottom just because I'm here.
So there are days, like today, where I actually watch TV and play online and play with the kid. We had leftovers for dinner and the laundry got washed and dried but not folded. The dishes are in the dishwasher and the pets were fed, but that's it.
And I was bored. B O R E D.

I keep thinking that I should enjoy these days where I *can* be lazy-ish and be bored because when O baby comes I'll be busy all over again. d has gotten to an easier stage where he doesn't require holding and feeding and changing and attention EveryTwoSecondsAllDayLong. That is going down the tubes when O comes I know.

So the secret is out.

Anger

It's here. Bubbling below the surface; made worse by lack of sleep, pregnancy hormones, an idiot spouse and guilt. Oh, the guilt.
Thanks to NWB for pointing me in the direction of other people, mothers, who understand.

Perhaps I'm not alone after all?

Read this:
Unspeakable

And this:
Mother Rage

Are YOU ready for some football?

The Superbowl is coming up! Woo!

The main reason the Superbowl excites me is that it marks the end of a seemingly endless football season. I'm not a fan. D is a huge, huge fan.
With a husband and 2 sons I could possibly be outnumbered in the near future. Thank goodness for TiVo.

Anyway, we're having a Superbowl party! I actually am excited about that, because it will give me something to do rather than just watch the game. There will be 12 adults and 9 kids I think. (including us) All of the couples coming, except us, have 2 kids. And A & C - D's brother and his gf - of course are childless still.
The kids will range in age from 5 at the oldest to 6 months at the youngest. 5 boys and 4 girls.
D is a little worried about watching the "big game" with so many kids around and didn't want to invite any of his rugby buddies over because they aren't "child friendly. " ha ha.
I think it will be fun. I set up some toys in the nursery and of course in d's room, so they can play in there instead of being in the living room all the time.
I have no idea who I think will win. I don't really care actually. Bring on the commercials!!!

Family

bites.

_________

My side of the family is screwed up. I can't/won't go into details because I already have a headache, but suffice it to say that there are some major problems there.
My dad's side has fallen apart in the last 10 years, with few survivors. My mom's side seems to be following. I love my family dearly, but sometimes I feel like banging my head against a brick wall.

D's family - despite certain flawed members- is stable. There is something to be said for stability.

Besides the never-ending saga of my extended family, I find it odd that I am closer to my SIL's (ok, one sil, one to be) than my own sister. My sil's are great people, and I get along much better with them than my own sister. I LOVE my sister, but we don't see eye to eye and if we weren't family we wouldn't be friends. Know what I mean?
I talk to my brother maybe 2 or 3 times a year and then we have pitifully little to say. I don't know what happened that has caused my siblings and I to have such a distant relationship. (besides actual distance that is)

It saddens me.

12 weeks

I can't believe that I have only 12 weeks left in this pregnancy. (OK so it could be 10-13 weeks, but in 12 weeks I'll be 40 weeks...)

Where has the time gone?

d will be 2 in about 7 weeks!! Ahhh! What happened? How did I get to this place where my baby is almost 2 and I'm having another baby? Sometimes it feels like life is rushing by.

Today I spent a good deal of time nesting. I got out all of the newborn and 0-3 size clothes and hung them up in the nursery. I refuse to believe that d was ever actually small enough to fit into any of them.

d must be getting ready for O baby too. He calls everything small BABY!
It's pretty cute actually. I gave him some strawberries with his lunch and they happened to be bite size ones. He said "Baby Berry!" and rocked them in his arms. How freaking cute is that?!
Subsequently when I handed him a little fork he said "Baby Fork!", probably just to get some more attention from me since the Baby Berry episode had me captivated.
ha ha
_________

I also deep cleaned the kitchen. It needed it.
I have a whole list of chores I want to finish before next weekend, when we'll have company for the Super Bowl. (A national holiday and practically a holy day to my husband!)

One big chore is the dog. Penny stinks. Seriously.
So now I have to decide if I want to spend $25 to have the groomer bath her just so I don't have to mess with it, OR if I want to struggle with the bath hating 60 pounder in our garden tub that I can barely lean over.
And lean over it I will have to, twice. Once to bath the dog, once to clean the nastiness out of my bathtub. It's too cold to do it outside I think.

That $25 is sounder cheaper as I type this. heh

ugh

I am sick. It started with a sore throat on Tuesday afternoon. By Wednesday my head felt like it was pounding and simultaneously stuffed with cotton balls.
Of course, being pg, I'm limited in what I can take. So I take nothing.
Just hot water with lemon and honey for the throat. Steam and hot washcloths for the sinuses. (even my jaw hurts!!)

I think maybe I'm starting to feel better though. A little anyway.
_____________________

Dane is sleeping per usual, but we're sticking with our plan. Yesterday it only took 45 minutes to get him to fall asleep and he slept in his own bed till 3am. Woo!! Definite improvement.
Let's just hope for a repeat performance tonight.

_____________________

I'm struggling with my weight gain this pregnancy. (what a shock...)
The last two appts I've gained 6 lbs each time. That's 2 months in a row that I've gained 6 lbs. Simple math, but 12 lbs in 2 months is what I'm saying. Sheesh.
Of course it doesn't help that each of those appointments was after a major holiday. (thanksgiving and then Christmas)
Blech.
I'm trying to do better, but I'm hungry. heh.

By this point in my pregnancy with Dane I'd gained about 28-30 lbs or so. So far, I've gained 22 pounds or so. I'll get the official number at my next appt, the 1st. So, yes, I'm gaining less, but I started bigger so there you go.

I know everybody says not to worry about weight gain, but I do. I can't help it. My Dr. isn't concerned, D isn't concerned, and I'm not really CONCERNED, I just hate being a fat ass. lol

I am not one of those lucky pg women who gain only in the belly and not in the butt, thighs, arms, face, etc. My whole body gets pg, and it shows.
Granted, my belly grows plenty, and you can definitely tell I'm pg, but still.
All this rambling is pointless, just needed to vent a little about weighing more than my very fit, still completely attractive husband.

28 weeks

almost 28 weeks

Forgive the hair and glasses. I told you I was sick...

sleep disorders?

I'm starting to wonder if there is actually something wrong with d. His sleeping is beyond description.

Can toddlers have sleep disorders?
I know it sounds far fetched...

Most likely he's just a spoiled pain in the butt.

I'm trying my best to keep stress free about this and work toward progress slowly, but in 3 months all hell could break loose.




___________________
Think calm thoughts....

(picture taken by me at TN aquarium Sunday)

Never?!

I just read someone's reply on a message that said they would NEVER vote for a woman for president. Never? Ever?

I don't get it. I had to pick myself up off the floor and shake my head in disbelief. I can't believe there are women out there who would never vote for another woman for president.

Regardless of the woman? Women and men are equal. Different yes, but equal.

I am still in shock...

Whaddya Think?

Me @ about 1.5 years.
Dane around 1.5 years.

He looks like me...

Birthday

d's bday is coming up in 2 short months! I can't believe my little man is going to be 2!! Where has the time gone?

I'm being pestered about having a birthday party for him, but being that I'll be weeks away from my due date I'm not planning on having one. We may have cupcakes at a playgroup with some of his little friends, and of course D & I will give him a little cake and some presents, but I'm not planning on inviting all the family from various states and inviting them to come stay. If they lived close I would consider it, but to me that's more of a first birthday thing. That's the big one until they turn, like 16 or something. When they get to be school age, most kids want their parties to be with their friends anyway, right?

In any case, I was asked at Christmas and told them that I wasn't planning on having a party. (i.e. don't invite yourselves down for that day/week) D was asked again on the phone Sunday and he of course, just goes, "I don't know." Whatever. It's not like I don't want people to celebrate d's bday - of COURSE I do! I just don't want the work of a party and house guests that close to my due date. Plus, he's still little enough to not know what the hell is going on, and he'll be perfectly happy with Mama, Daddy & cake.
_____________________
I think we are going to take a weekend trip this weekend. How fun!! I've been pestering D about it for awhile and he wants to go too, but of course RUGBY is on Saturdays so he'll have to miss it. He seems willing this week though, don't know why. Don't care.
_____________________

Bragging coming up!!

I know everyone thinks their kid is a genius, but seriously - this kid is smart! I never know where or if to to brag on him, because I don't want other people to get irritated. But this is my blog so if you don't want to read it, just skip. ;)
He can:

• name all the letters of the alphabet by sight
• tell me their sounds
• recognize numbers 0 - 10
• count 1-10
• name the colors (common ones, we haven't quite gotten to periwinkle yet)
• name the shapes (circle, square, triangle, star, rectangle)
• recognize his name in print
• his speaking is probably on target, but it still thrills me to no end to hear him say "thank you mama!" and other short sentences.
• his fine motor skills are improving a lot too. He has been drawing balloons that actually look like balloons instead of just random scribbles.

I have no idea if any of this is above average behavior or not, I just know that when I taught Kdg I had kids come in and not know a damn thing. Not one letter, color, shape, number - nothing! So to me, he's doing well.

OK -brag over. :)

Godparents

We are facing a dilemma about Godparents for O baby. Originally we had a couple in mind, but that hinged on them getting married, and they aren't even engaged yet.
Being that we are Catholic, at least one of the gp's has to be a practicing Catholic and the other doesn't HAVE to be.

Rundown:
My sister and husband - d's Godparents.
My brother - single, young, not really practicing
D's sister and husband - not an option. Period.
D's twin - single but serious with gf. Original choice, but it doesn't look like it's going to work out in time.
D's brother and wife - Not Catholic.

See my problem? D thinks perhaps we should pick Twin and SIL (other brother's wife) for O. Then when we have our next child, we can pick GF (who will then hopefully be Twin's wife) and brother. That way, we can include the couple that also isn't Catholic, and the couple that is.
I don't know how they will feel about this though. I would prefer to have a couple as the Godparents, but I don't see how that is going to work out.
If we have 4 kids, which was the original plan, we are really screwed!

I know it's mostly for ceremony, and not custody purposes, but it's still important to us. I guess we can wait a few more months and see how we feel about it then.

Speaking of that, we STILL need to make a will. Eeeps.
We have spoken with Twin and GF about being guardians of d should we die, but of course, there is a little problem of them not being married yet. While I think they are the best people for the job, I can't leave my kids to them if it's not a sure thing and Twin might end up single. I can't imagine him raising our kids alone. Yikes!! That's a big responsibility.
Again, we've kind of been waiting on that, but I feel uneasy not having a will in place.
I wonder if we could make a clause in the will that they are the guardians *unless* they aren't married, and then the kids would go to our second choice. (Brother and SIL)
I am just rambling on here, it's just been on my mind for awhile...

D is a big procrastinator and the whole will thing is over my head. I guess I really need to ask around for a good lawyer. It's hard to do this because it is something you hope you never need, but I would never forgive myself if something DID happen and I had nothing in place for my babies.

Dear diary,

You really can't change people.

I was cleaning out a drawer today and found an old journal I used to write in. It hasn't been written in since just after my 1st wedding anniversary. 5 years is coming up in June so it's been awhile.

I haven't read through the whole thing, but I did read parts and it struck me that the same things I vented about then are the same things, to some degree, that I vent about now - at least as far as D's concerned.

It has brought home the point to me that you really can't change people. Most of the entries were long before D and I got married, so I must have harbored the secret thought that I really could change some things about him. Not a lot, but you know, those few pesky things. I guess it's finally truly sunk in that you really can't change people.
________________

O baby is coming in 3 short months. I feel like this pregnancy has flown by and simultaneously feel like I've been pregnant forever. I'm 26 weeks today - the last week of the 2nd tri. 3rd trimester - here I come!!

I have to admit that this pregnancy hasn't been as much fun for me as d's was. I guess because I had more responsibilities (d) and less time to nap, prepare, think about it in general. Also, I was a lot more sick this time.


I'm starting to really get excited about O coming though. We still don't have the nursery ready again, or a new car seat, but other than that, we're pretty good.

I love the name we've chosen, but am having weird thoughts that maybe we *should* go with a d, just in case we decide we don't want more than 2 kids. I do actually want more than 2, but maybe I'll change my mind once I have 2. ?

Yesterday, when I asked d what the baby's name was - he kept insisting it was Lila, which was our girls name choice. Weird. If this baby comes out a girl - I'm going to think he's psychic.

On that note, he's been LOVING babies lately. Too cute!

See previous post for a couple pics. :)

pics

by the way - he's kissing the baby, not biting it...

Look at me!

Isn't he just the cutest?

_______________

by the way - I hate dial up. You have no idea how long it takes me to upload a few simple photos. Hmph.

phone calls

I am not a good phone talker. It's weird, people I connect with in person and even online, I just can't talk to on the phone sometimes.
After awhile, I get used to it, but I just freeze up for some reason. It's really odd. I sit there thinking - "say something!" but I never can. It's bizarre really. Especially because I DO talk on the phone to some people (ok my mom) every day and have no problem with that.
It's almost like meeting a brand new person and being totally awkward...

weird.

bLowe's

We ordered a rug from bLowe's last weekend. They didn't have the one we wanted in stock, so we were told they would order it. Expect it in around 8 days.
It came last night. UPS dropped it on the doorstep, rang the bell and left. We brought it in and without unwrapping it we could tell it was the wrong one. Wrong size, wrong color, wrong design, wrong price.

Fine. D called bLowe's and Employee of the Month answers. No apology. No explanation. He says to bring it back (that's right WE have to transport it) and they'll reorder the right one.

Fine. So we took it back today. The manager tells D that that particular rug can't be ordered, why I don't know. I stayed in the car with the munchkin and watched Cars.
SO - he checks the other bLowe's in town and one about 15 minutes away has 2 in stock. So we had to drive over there and find it and buy it.

I am so annoyed with them. Even the manager didn't offer an apology. I didn't expect a free rug, though I know D would have appreciated a discount for having to schlep all over town when we were told the rug we wanted would be delivered, hassle and shipping charge free. I mean, how hard is it to say you're sorry?

Regardless, we have the damn rug now and it looks good in our living room. d loves it and has been rolling around on it all night. When I took off his socks, he practically squealed with joy and ran circles around the rug. lol
I guess he's not a fan of the wood floors.


__________

In other news, being pregnant and sleep deprived is making me a mean person. I can't stand to hear D complain about how tired he is. It pisses me off when he says he's sore from rugby. Fine. My back is freaking killing me from lugging around a somersaulting bowling ball in my belly. No sympathy is offered to me, so stfu.

He's really not that bad, but he just has no clue what it's like to be pregnant. Being that he's a man - I can't blame him for that. However, a little thoughtfulness, a little compassion, a little extra help with the housework - wouldn't kill him!
I want someone to take care of me for once.

Of course, he could possibly be a little scared of me right now. Like I said, I'm a crabby bitch.

so there

Mommying

What does it take to be a good mom?

I think most mothers ask themselves this a lot. I know I do. I don't want to screw up my kids any more than necessary.

Besides the really BAD mothers out there (you know, the drug addicts, child abusers, etc) I think we all do the best we know how.

My problem is that it's very hard not to be hard on yourself. I don't generally care about the choices others make for their children, but when it comes to my own kids, I agonize over whether my instincts are right or not.
Generally I follow them, but sometimes I get caught up in what SoandSo said and what this or that book said.

Is he going to be spoiled because we choose not to spank? I know a lot of people who think so.

Is he going to be spoiled/too attached because he STILL sleeps in our bed sometimes? I don't know, but it's the only way he'll actually sleep...
Am I screwing him up?

Notice how most mother's say *I* when it comes to their children? A lot of us have a significant other, for me it's D. Yet, he rarely feels any anguish over decisions. He never feels guilt or insecurity over the way we're raising our kid(s).
I take the blame if something goes wrong. I put it on myself that he can't sleep by himself, even though we've both led him here.

Why do mothers do that?

Perhaps because we make most of the parenting decisions? I know I do in our house. Plus I'm here all day so the majority of d's life is dictated, for lack of a better word, by me.

I'm trying very hard to go a little easier on myself.
Everyone makes mistakes and one mistake or one really bad day is not likely to scar the kid for life. It's harder for me to forgive myself when I screw up than it is for me to forgive others.

Being a mom

has taught me many things. A few that are at the forefront right now:

1. You can't make a child sleep. Period.
2. You can't make a child eat. You probably don't want to either.
3. They understand more than you think, so watch it.
4. No matter what you do, someone will think it's wrong and might tell you so. You might feel guilty, or it might just end up annoying you.
5. The good times make up for sleepless nights, at least most of the time.

1 is the highlight of my life right now. Enough said.

2 is thankfully not a problem for us. We try not to make food an issue and it's usually not. 3 never ceases to amaze me, especially now that he can talk more. 4 is just life. Advice comes from all directions, like it or not. 5 is the only thing keeping me sane right now.

Cheesecake

cures all pissiness.

Seriously, I was in a foul mood yesterday, mostly due to d not sleeping hardly at all and D running off to rugby again.
Getting out of the house, even if it was only to the store, was helpful. Especially after I bought a yummy cheesecake and ate a fourth of it. For dinner. heh

It helps that d is so wonderful during the day. He's smart and cute and makes me laugh. It's just at night that I wish to trade him in.

D let me sleep in this morning till 8:30! Woo! Of course I was the one up with Dane 4x last night, but still...

The cheesecake was good, but I'm trying to eat healthier. I'm up 17 lbs for this pregnancy, which isn't too bad - considering I was up at least 25 with Dane by this point. I'm just hoping to keep it under 30 this time.

Venting

I think the pregnancy hormones are getting the best of me this week. Thank goodness I have a mother's night out tonight. There's not a thing in the world that could convince me to miss it.

I'm in a pissed off mood today so here is my list of complaints. I'm feeling very negative so skip it if you don't want to be exposed...
________________________

Dear News,

A new head football coach for a college team is NOT what I consider breaking news. Quit interrupting regular programming for this crap.

Idiots.

Sincerely, a pissed customer

___________________

Dear d,

Sleep is a necessity for me. Please get with the program.

Love, Mama

____________________

Dear D,

Do you notice how when you talk to me I respond in some way? It's called having a conversation. Try it sometime.

Do NOT proceed to get mad at me when I ask if you've heard me. If you would respond with something other than dead silence I wouldn't have to ask.

Do NOT say "I didn't know you were talking to me." !! Who the hell did you think I was talking to? The wall? Myself?

I might as well be.

Love, me

_____________________

Dear D,

Yes, another one for you. When you know you are going to be late and I am expecting you at 5, you can call. It's not me being mad about you working. It's me being pissed that you've missed dinner and all our family time and didn't think to even give me a call. I know you have to work. That is not the issue.

You do not have to watch every football game that airs. It's clogging up my TiVo and it takes so much damn time. I am starting to hate football more than before, if that's even possible.

Rugby should be a hobby. It should not be a second job. You volunteer to run their blood drive, you volunteer to run practice on SUNDAYS! You were then elected treasurer and secretary. Yet, around here you don't even volunteer to do the dishes.

Just when I think you're starting to get it, you stop getting it completely. We miss you, that's all I'm saying. I'm not going to be able to do this when O baby comes.

Love, your fading wife

_____________________

TWF here

I've been inspired to do my own True Wife Confessions (TWF) here. No reason to be anonymous...
So here are my wifely confessions/pet peeves:

1. Make a decision. Quickly. Please.
2. Football is just a game, not your life. I certainly don't want it to be mine. Ditto on rugby.
3. Some days I act like I've worked harder than I really have, just so I can have some time alone when you come home.
4. Being pregnant really is hard sometimes. I wish you could understand that and pick up some slack.
5. Your mom drives me insane. You know this, but not the true extent.
6. You are so often late that I start daydreaming about driving by your work to see if you are still there or if you are off goofing off somewhere or having an affair. You've never cheated on me, so I don't know why these thoughts run through my head. I'm totally screwed up in the daydreaming department.
7. I HATED your sideburns and was secretly happy when the barber messed one up and you had to shave them both off. Years later and I'm so glad you never grew them back.
8. Trash day is Thursday. Still. It'll be Thursday next week too. Thursday.
9. I almost broke up with you tons of times in college. I believed I deserved better than what you were willing to give me. I never did and I'm glad now.
10. I hate your political views and that you are so apathetic about politics most of the time. Sometimes I want to smack you in the head.
11. You are busy with work, rugby, blood drives, football and other crap because you choose to be. Work and family are the ONLY 2 musts in my book.
12. We have lived here 2.5 years. The dishes have not moved cabinets and yet I randomly find a plastic bowl sitting on top of the good plates. It's like you are just trying to piss me off.
13. The diaper pail is right there. Don't lay the diaper on the floor next to it. Bad situation waiting to happen.
14. Don't say "good boy" to the kid. It makes me feel like you are talking to the dog. And don't roll your eyes when I mention some parenting issues, just listen and/or discuss it with me.
15. It has taken over 9 years, but I think you're finally starting to get what makes me happiest. You are technically a rocket scientist, but you are so dense sometimes. Still, I appreciate you making the effort after all this time.

__________________

That's it. For now anyway.

I feel better even though most of those are nit picky things that I never mention in person. This is a good place to get them off my chest without fighting. :)

The Paci

d has gone 2 naps and 2 bedtimes with no paci. The first day was rough to say the least. Yesterday was better and I'm hoping by the end of the week it will be a distant memory.

I'm thinking that baby O will never see a paci. This shit is hard to wean from.

Disclaimer - If you like Dubya...

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Happy New Year!!

Where to start? It's been awhile since my last post so this one might be rather jumbled and long.


Christmas
Went pretty well. I have made D promise me a couple of things though.

1. We will never spend a week there again. It's about 3 or 4 days too long.
2. We will never drive all night again. It sucks.
3. We won't move.
4. Next year, Christmas is at home.

*EDIT*New Years

Being home is so nice. We slept yesterday from 9-1 and caught up a little. We had a party to go to at 3:30 and we had a good time. We didn't bother staying up to watch the ball drop. We were asleep long before that and the new year managed to come in just fine without us.

I have been thinking about resolutions. I have some in mind.

1. less computer time
2. be more organized
3. get rid of some crap, our house is getting smaller by the day
4. get Dane sleeping in his own bed, paci free, all night (heh!)
5. lose weight, but this one will have to wait for awhile
6. stand up for myself more often, I'm getting better already
7. parent consistently, gently and without anger

It's a tall order, but I think I can do it.

Paci

Unbeknownst to him, d's resolution was to get rid of his paci. He was quite unhappy at nap time when he found out that his two remaining pacis were broken. He screamed at me for an hour and a half and I stayed with him the whole time. He was flailing, kicking, screaming and just completely inconsolable. No matter what I did it pissed him off. It didn't help that he was overtired. He finally fell asleep and has been sleeping about 2 hours now. I feel completely terrible about how rough this is on him, and I swear no other kid of mine will get a paci addiction. If the pacis hadn't been broken (they had holes cut in them) I would have totally given in and been back to square one. I didn't have a choice though, as we only had 2 anyway. I was crying along with him by the end of it. I've never seen him that upset. :(

The first time is the hardest, right? After he gets over the paci trauma, it's on to working on getting him to sleep in his own bed all night. Our bed is getting crowded. I'm a bit apathetic on this one, and that's no good because it's hard to be consistent when it's not something you really want to do. We'll see how that goes I guess. My baby is growing up and it's a little hard to let him, even if it is exciting at the same time.

shopping

We had a good time today at Wal-Mart. I've never said that before.

We had a bunch of Christmas presents to take back that we either didn't want or that we or d already had. It ended up being about $100 so we bought d a Vsmile game system since we'd take back several duplicate toys & movies that were for him. We also got him a couple of wooden puzzles.

We bought ourselves a new digital camera. It used the rest of our gift cards and return money and then some. All in all, we spent a little less than half of our total Christmas money today but we're all happy. The rest goes toward either the car or house payment. It's always nice to get $ for Christmas. I'd much rather have that than a zebra sweater.

The camera is awesome! We upgraded from our 3.1 mp to an 8 mp. We got another Kodak Easy Share since we've been happy with ours. It was even on sale. All in all, a good day for me. (other than the paci incident)

Baby

Far as I can tell, baby O is doing great. He's turned into a regular little mover and shaker. I'm excited to meet him. I'm 24 weeks 2 days, so at the most I have about 17 weeks to go. Hopefully a little less than that. (My OB won't let me go past 41 weeks and here there aren't any other options,even though we are in a modern, large city. Midwives can't practice in AL, and there are no birthing centers here in HSV, plus it's illegal to give birth at home with a mw. By yourself it's legal, but not with a mw. D won't even consider an unattended home birth, and I don't think I'd go that route myself anyway.)

Family

Sometimes I feel so sad that I don't live near family. After the holidays is usually not one of those times though. I do wish I could see M (SIL) and C (I hope to be SIL soon) more though. And of course, both of D's brothers. His sister and her husband, not so much. I'd like to see my neices more of course, but my sister and I probably get along better when we see less of each other. We don't fight anymore, but we are just completely opposite. I would love for my parents to live closer to us, but I don't think we'd see them overmuch, which is important if you ask me. If my IL's lived close I guarantee we'd see them too damn much. When we were driving around their town, being carted to see this aunt or granny or cousin or whoever it got old quick. We drove 16 hours to get there and they can't come see us?! Irritating.

*EDIT*