I did it. I registered the older two boys for public school last week.
No, we still haven't sold our house. No, we haven't moved. (yet.) We have a contract building a house in the new district so we can send the kids there before we physically move.
I'm nervous and relieved about it.
I ventured up into the attic last night, because half our stuff is packed away up there, to find their back packs.
You guys, it's a mess up there. There are empty boxes, full boxes, holiday decorations, extra "stuff" and just... it's a mess. It's not organized. It's not neatly stacked. It's FULL.
The house down here looks nice and neat all the time, but that attic is how our life really is right now. Chaos.
It's shoved where no one can see it, so as to make a prettier picture for the world.
I'm exhausted trying to sell this house. I'm so tired of being grumpy about the kids messing stuff up and so sick of losing my temper trying to get them to clean it up. I feel like the attic. Messy on the inside and in the dark corners. Chaotic. A disaster.
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I started this journey two + years ago as a very reluctant homeschooler. I've been both pleasantly surprised at how much I've enjoyed it and horrified at how much I wanted to stop doing it. Sometimes both in the same day.
D & O are doing off to public school this year and they are excited. I am excited, nervous and all the feelings rolled up into one. C (1st grade) & Miss L will still be at home this year, so it will be nice to have a little more time with them.
I hope they like it. I hope *I* like it.
Showing posts with label crabby bitch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crabby bitch. Show all posts
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
What the what, 2014?
2014 just keeps throwing little things our way. It seems every way we turn there's a new little surprise - and almost no really good ones. Most of them are little things like opening a new (and last) gallon of milk and finding it's already bad, or finding an unopened gallon of water somehow started leaking while we were out. Said water left a huge puddle from one room the next, ruining a luckily-not-important piece of furniture and running out from under the fridge so we have a few minutes of panic trying to figure out what's wrong. Weird little things, and not a big deal really, but when your stress level is already up to your ears those little things feel like they could be the tipping point into a total break down. My emotions are always *right* at the surface because of some bigger issues and yet it's the little things that send me over the edge.
Somehow we've manged to make it through 9 years of parenthood with no broken bones, but C broke his elbow a little over a week ago. On a Friday evening, OF COURSE, so we now have an ER bill and an orthopedist bill. Unfortunately, it caused a fight with us because I wanted to take him to the ER then and D thought it was fine and wanted to wait but he was going to be gone the next day and I might have gotten a *little* mad about the thought of taking all 4 kids to the ER when we could just go NOW and also C was in a lot of pain and just, UGH.
Anyway, I won in one sense because we took him Friday and I was right in that it was broken but I also lost because, well, it's broken and that kind of sucks. But, it's not a really bad break and he gets the cast off in 3 (now 2) weeks.
Miss L had a minor surgery today, to remove one of her ear tubes which has been in for almost 3 years. Couldn't the darn thing have just fallen out like it was supposed to and saved us $1700? (and also the worry that comes with putting a child under for anything, no matter how minor?!) C also still has one, also for 3 years, so there will probably be another surgery in his future as well. At least we'll probably have met our deductible by then.
The day after C broke his arm, D was gone for rugby and we finally had another showing! Our second. Not our second of that day, week or even MONTH, but our second. Period. (since January)
I had just gotten finished mowing our gigantic yard with our little push mower (good exercise at least) and had half cleaned up the house, turned on the shower and noticed that there was a car sitting outside. I was thinking maybe I should wait a minute to jump in the shower when the phone rang. There was NO WAY I was going to turn down a showing, so I ran around like a crazy person and the kids - mercifully - quickly cleaned up the play room and their bedrooms. I had to go out looking like I had just mowed the grass for two hours, but at least they liked the house. Not enough to buy it, most likely, though. *sigh*
The house being on the market is really not going well. The house looks great, mostly always clean, beautiful flowers planted in the yard, grass under control, decluttered... but I can't enjoy it because I'm trying to keep it from being messed up just so no one can come and see it.
If we don't sell it this year I'm not sure how I can do this again. And yet, what option do I have? None, that's what.
On the very, very bright side, D is done with rugby for this season and hopefully forever and ever. He hurt his shoulder at that game I mentioned above and while I am most definitely NOT happy about that (nor his refusal to see a doctor) I am hoping that it might push him to finally hang it up. I want him to have a hobby, but does it have to be a hobby that takes him away from home 2 nights a week and Saturdays too? Between his hobby and the kids' stuff, guess who comes in last? You don't have to guess because if you're reading this you're probably a mom too and you KNOW who comes last. I feel guilty for even wanting him to quit, which is probably why he's kept playing this long.
In conclusion, sorry I rarely post anymore and that this is just basically a laundry list of complaints. Perhaps my next post will be a lot happier, but I'm not going to make any promises.
Somehow we've manged to make it through 9 years of parenthood with no broken bones, but C broke his elbow a little over a week ago. On a Friday evening, OF COURSE, so we now have an ER bill and an orthopedist bill. Unfortunately, it caused a fight with us because I wanted to take him to the ER then and D thought it was fine and wanted to wait but he was going to be gone the next day and I might have gotten a *little* mad about the thought of taking all 4 kids to the ER when we could just go NOW and also C was in a lot of pain and just, UGH.
Anyway, I won in one sense because we took him Friday and I was right in that it was broken but I also lost because, well, it's broken and that kind of sucks. But, it's not a really bad break and he gets the cast off in 3 (now 2) weeks.
Miss L had a minor surgery today, to remove one of her ear tubes which has been in for almost 3 years. Couldn't the darn thing have just fallen out like it was supposed to and saved us $1700? (and also the worry that comes with putting a child under for anything, no matter how minor?!) C also still has one, also for 3 years, so there will probably be another surgery in his future as well. At least we'll probably have met our deductible by then.
The day after C broke his arm, D was gone for rugby and we finally had another showing! Our second. Not our second of that day, week or even MONTH, but our second. Period. (since January)
I had just gotten finished mowing our gigantic yard with our little push mower (good exercise at least) and had half cleaned up the house, turned on the shower and noticed that there was a car sitting outside. I was thinking maybe I should wait a minute to jump in the shower when the phone rang. There was NO WAY I was going to turn down a showing, so I ran around like a crazy person and the kids - mercifully - quickly cleaned up the play room and their bedrooms. I had to go out looking like I had just mowed the grass for two hours, but at least they liked the house. Not enough to buy it, most likely, though. *sigh*
The house being on the market is really not going well. The house looks great, mostly always clean, beautiful flowers planted in the yard, grass under control, decluttered... but I can't enjoy it because I'm trying to keep it from being messed up just so no one can come and see it.
If we don't sell it this year I'm not sure how I can do this again. And yet, what option do I have? None, that's what.
On the very, very bright side, D is done with rugby for this season and hopefully forever and ever. He hurt his shoulder at that game I mentioned above and while I am most definitely NOT happy about that (nor his refusal to see a doctor) I am hoping that it might push him to finally hang it up. I want him to have a hobby, but does it have to be a hobby that takes him away from home 2 nights a week and Saturdays too? Between his hobby and the kids' stuff, guess who comes in last? You don't have to guess because if you're reading this you're probably a mom too and you KNOW who comes last. I feel guilty for even wanting him to quit, which is probably why he's kept playing this long.
In conclusion, sorry I rarely post anymore and that this is just basically a laundry list of complaints. Perhaps my next post will be a lot happier, but I'm not going to make any promises.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Rinse & Repeat
So, I'm back on the weight loss train. I hate to even really post about it, because I've been down this road so many times. Same song, different verse, yadda yadda.
I did lose two pounds already though, so it's a start. I feel like I'm at a better place right now then I have been in awhile, and I'm going to be successful this time.
Stay tuned.
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I did end up taking the kids to get their pictures last week and they turned out so cute! I don't have the CD yet, but I assure you I will bombard you with their photos when I do.
---
The amount of driving this week is insane. As of Thursday afternoon, after camp drop offs and pick ups, I had put 318 miles on my car since Monday morning. I'm not used to so much running around.
d is in an awesome camp (Camp Invention) where they bring in old, broken stuff and make it into new inventions. I can't wait to see what they make! O is in a camp called Summer Show Offs, which is singing and dancing. (Think Glee.) He has a show tomorrow that I'm excited to go see. It's so cool that they get to have all these opportunities to try things and see what they like!
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Piper is due to get spayed next week and the kids are sad. I explained that she wouldn't be able to have puppies and I think all they heard was "PUPPIES!" and were really let down when I said there would be NO PUPPIES.
She's grown so much! (She'll be 6 months on the 3rd) She weighs less than Penny (who needs to lose a few pounds) but is about the same height. Her coat is very low, almost NO, shedding and it is Heaven. I vacuumed up enough of Penny's hair yesterday alone to form a couple puppies. Penny is teaching her the ropes, and hopefully all of Penny's good habits will rub off on Piper who still manages to cause lots of trouble.
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Looks like this is post number 1200. I guess I should have thought of something earth shattering to write, but my life is mostly of the "go, go, go, collapse in an exhausted heap" variety lately. This week is one of those where I feel like mothering and being a wife is all about everyone else, and it's a thankless, tiring, never-ending, unappreciated position. I wonder if they have summer camp for moms? I'd love someone to drop me off at 9 and not come back until 3:30 after I'd had fun with my peers all day! We should invent Mom's Summer Camp.
I did lose two pounds already though, so it's a start. I feel like I'm at a better place right now then I have been in awhile, and I'm going to be successful this time.
Stay tuned.
---
I did end up taking the kids to get their pictures last week and they turned out so cute! I don't have the CD yet, but I assure you I will bombard you with their photos when I do.
---
The amount of driving this week is insane. As of Thursday afternoon, after camp drop offs and pick ups, I had put 318 miles on my car since Monday morning. I'm not used to so much running around.
d is in an awesome camp (Camp Invention) where they bring in old, broken stuff and make it into new inventions. I can't wait to see what they make! O is in a camp called Summer Show Offs, which is singing and dancing. (Think Glee.) He has a show tomorrow that I'm excited to go see. It's so cool that they get to have all these opportunities to try things and see what they like!
---
Piper is due to get spayed next week and the kids are sad. I explained that she wouldn't be able to have puppies and I think all they heard was "PUPPIES!" and were really let down when I said there would be NO PUPPIES.
She's grown so much! (She'll be 6 months on the 3rd) She weighs less than Penny (who needs to lose a few pounds) but is about the same height. Her coat is very low, almost NO, shedding and it is Heaven. I vacuumed up enough of Penny's hair yesterday alone to form a couple puppies. Penny is teaching her the ropes, and hopefully all of Penny's good habits will rub off on Piper who still manages to cause lots of trouble.
 |
| Penny, "No pictures please." |
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Looks like this is post number 1200. I guess I should have thought of something earth shattering to write, but my life is mostly of the "go, go, go, collapse in an exhausted heap" variety lately. This week is one of those where I feel like mothering and being a wife is all about everyone else, and it's a thankless, tiring, never-ending, unappreciated position. I wonder if they have summer camp for moms? I'd love someone to drop me off at 9 and not come back until 3:30 after I'd had fun with my peers all day! We should invent Mom's Summer Camp.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Fuuuuuuunnnnk & a narrative of Miss L
I'm in a funk today. I got the kids ready to go to a little program at their preschool called Bible Fun Time, it's every Tuesday for like 2 months, and all the kids can go. This means I have an hour and a half of NO CHILDREN. I get very, very few daytime no-children moments. I look forward to it, is what I'm saying.
Well. The car wouldn't unlock so I thought the battery in the remote was dead. Turns out that, no, it's not. The car itself is dead. The check engine light came on last week and D thought we should "wait and see" how it was (it was driving fine) and take it in later. Ha. Haha.
To say that was a disappointment is an understatement, but the worst part is that it's now over 6 hours later and Miss L is still asking when we're going and cried when I finally - after telling her at least 30 times - yelled, "THE CAR IS BROKEN! WE CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" What a fine parenting moment, let me tell you.
(Did I mention Miss L follows me around the house talking incessantly? SHE DOES. ALL day.)
Also we have pictures tomorrow that I've been putting off for months and Thursday is the last possible day to get the deal so I'm going to be pretty upset if that doesn't happen.
To top that off, I incurred a fee at the bank for a small but crucial error on my part in moving money to pay some bills online. I never, ever pay penalty fees at the bank! I'm planning to call, and see what can be done, but STILL. Worse, it was a teeny tiny credit card bill on a card we hardly use and now I'm going to get a fee on THAT TOO. Gah!
(Could I be making these mistakes because Miss L is jabbering incessantly in my ear? Constantly!)
Also, the garbage disposal is broken. The sink is all backed up and gross. I baked a dessert to cheer us all up and it didn't make me feel better at all. (Imagine that!)
Seriously, I can't even write. I'm having trouble even completing a sentence because Miss L is right next to me, singing and chattering. (What's the bad guys' name on Phinneas and Ferb? Why is he Dr. Doobersmitz? Where is that breakable cat you never let me play with? Why can't I!? Can I have candy? But it makes me feeeeeeel beeeettttter! I want to have this bell. --now she's ringing the bell in my ear and singing a song-- Mama, the waterslide's out! It's getting blown up. (it's not, it's raining) What if Piper gets on it? Remember that thing that was pink, and has a lid? I'm going to show you. --she brought me a candle-- There's also a blue one. A yellow one. A paper one. It has a moon on it. I'm going to show you more. The pink one should be in the purple one. I'm talking to myself. I said the pink one should be in the purple one. What's this? Why is it in here? Fine, I'll put it in the fridge. But, why can't it go in the fridge?! Where does it go? You said so? I didn't pick it up! I won't put it in my mouth! You still love me! --I asked her what she did-- Nothing! -and she ran out of the room.) That's approximately 3 minutes of Miss L. Now your eyes are as glazed over as mine. You're welcome.
Well. The car wouldn't unlock so I thought the battery in the remote was dead. Turns out that, no, it's not. The car itself is dead. The check engine light came on last week and D thought we should "wait and see" how it was (it was driving fine) and take it in later. Ha. Haha.
To say that was a disappointment is an understatement, but the worst part is that it's now over 6 hours later and Miss L is still asking when we're going and cried when I finally - after telling her at least 30 times - yelled, "THE CAR IS BROKEN! WE CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" What a fine parenting moment, let me tell you.
(Did I mention Miss L follows me around the house talking incessantly? SHE DOES. ALL day.)
Also we have pictures tomorrow that I've been putting off for months and Thursday is the last possible day to get the deal so I'm going to be pretty upset if that doesn't happen.
To top that off, I incurred a fee at the bank for a small but crucial error on my part in moving money to pay some bills online. I never, ever pay penalty fees at the bank! I'm planning to call, and see what can be done, but STILL. Worse, it was a teeny tiny credit card bill on a card we hardly use and now I'm going to get a fee on THAT TOO. Gah!
(Could I be making these mistakes because Miss L is jabbering incessantly in my ear? Constantly!)
Also, the garbage disposal is broken. The sink is all backed up and gross. I baked a dessert to cheer us all up and it didn't make me feel better at all. (Imagine that!)
Seriously, I can't even write. I'm having trouble even completing a sentence because Miss L is right next to me, singing and chattering. (What's the bad guys' name on Phinneas and Ferb? Why is he Dr. Doobersmitz? Where is that breakable cat you never let me play with? Why can't I!? Can I have candy? But it makes me feeeeeeel beeeettttter! I want to have this bell. --now she's ringing the bell in my ear and singing a song-- Mama, the waterslide's out! It's getting blown up. (it's not, it's raining) What if Piper gets on it? Remember that thing that was pink, and has a lid? I'm going to show you. --she brought me a candle-- There's also a blue one. A yellow one. A paper one. It has a moon on it. I'm going to show you more. The pink one should be in the purple one. I'm talking to myself. I said the pink one should be in the purple one. What's this? Why is it in here? Fine, I'll put it in the fridge. But, why can't it go in the fridge?! Where does it go? You said so? I didn't pick it up! I won't put it in my mouth! You still love me! --I asked her what she did-- Nothing! -and she ran out of the room.) That's approximately 3 minutes of Miss L. Now your eyes are as glazed over as mine. You're welcome.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Coping
Today is one of those days that I just don't feel I can cope. I didn't get enough sleep last night, the day started out with a long ass tantrum by someone who shall remain nameless, and there's another tantrum RIGHT NOW by the same unnamed little monster angel who doesn't want to take a MUCH NEEDED nap.
Also, as I'm writing this, it's someone's birthday, so there has been cheerful cake making and meals by request and present wrapping and yet, an undercurrent of just wanting someone to come clean my house and babysit my kids for a few days.
There was a stupid fight last night between D & I, and one the night before that, which is unusual for us.
My house is a mess because we went on vacation last week (I know, poor me) and the unpacking and extra laundry seems to have made me lose my daily pick-up gene this week. I hate the mess, but I don't want to clean it.
I'm losing my temper and patience at every turn and going to bed every night feeling like I'm doing a pretty crappy job. Hormones are not on my side at this time either. Anxiety is hounding me, on and off, and I'm weary of the thought of it never, ever going away - for the rest of my life.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the thought of putting all 3 boys in public school next year has crossed my mind, however briefly. I'm not going to.
I'm reading a book that's making me grumpy and thinking I should go back to fairy tale ending stories.I've been eating too much junk food today, after doing so well this week. My brain is revolting against the combination of too little sleep, too much caffeine and sugar, and a hormone cocktail. I can't focus. It's taking me forever to write this.
I have no doubt that this funk will pass, as funks do, eventually. I probably won't finish that book, and I'll try to go to bed early tonight and either ignore the mess or bribe the children into helping me clean it.
I'm going out to mow the lawn before it really starts to rain, and D is coming home early. I'm hoping the combo (no children can talk to me while I mow) of the two will turn this day around.
Also, as I'm writing this, it's someone's birthday, so there has been cheerful cake making and meals by request and present wrapping and yet, an undercurrent of just wanting someone to come clean my house and babysit my kids for a few days.
There was a stupid fight last night between D & I, and one the night before that, which is unusual for us.
My house is a mess because we went on vacation last week (I know, poor me) and the unpacking and extra laundry seems to have made me lose my daily pick-up gene this week. I hate the mess, but I don't want to clean it.
I'm losing my temper and patience at every turn and going to bed every night feeling like I'm doing a pretty crappy job. Hormones are not on my side at this time either. Anxiety is hounding me, on and off, and I'm weary of the thought of it never, ever going away - for the rest of my life.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the thought of putting all 3 boys in public school next year has crossed my mind, however briefly. I'm not going to.
I'm reading a book that's making me grumpy and thinking I should go back to fairy tale ending stories.I've been eating too much junk food today, after doing so well this week. My brain is revolting against the combination of too little sleep, too much caffeine and sugar, and a hormone cocktail. I can't focus. It's taking me forever to write this.
I have no doubt that this funk will pass, as funks do, eventually. I probably won't finish that book, and I'll try to go to bed early tonight and either ignore the mess or bribe the children into helping me clean it.
I'm going out to mow the lawn before it really starts to rain, and D is coming home early. I'm hoping the combo (no children can talk to me while I mow) of the two will turn this day around.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Novels & other stuff
I love to read, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy a romance novel now and again. I recently read the first in a historical romance series by Eloisa James, (The Essex Sisters) and then promptly gobbled up the subsequent three. If you look down on me for reading romance novels I'm OK with that. I need a feel-good, easy read every now and then and her heroines are much less insipid than most. It's not for the racier parts either, as I often skim those, but the love and romance and happy endings... *sigh* I'm a sucker for such things!
Now, I'm a practical person by all accounts, but reading these stories made me have odd mental conversations and irritation with my husband and myself.
Why isn't our love like that? (Was it ever? This is called a fantasy for a reason.)
Why doesn't he look at me with stars in his eyes? (WTH does that even mean?)
Do his eyes darken with lust at the mere thought of me? (No)
I think I'd like to dress like these women. Those giant dresses could hide so much... (But, think how hot you'd be. Also, being a woman kind of sucked back then.)
Would he rescue me? (?!)
Why doesn't his thumb caress my cheek in a way that makes my stomach roll with butterflies? (Because this is real life you idiot. The only thing rolling around here is our eyes.)
So, um, Ms. James is a very convincing writer apparently and I'm sure I'll be reading more of her books in the future but perhaps I should read something first with a crappy husband so that I'll feel better.
===
For Mother's Day the kids (D) got me a cute little sign for the kitchen, but my favorite thing was the keychain thing he got me. It's a large ring with 4 little kid figures on it, and has two clips on it. I can clip one side on my purse ring or zipper and attach my keys to the other side. I am FOREVER losing my keys in my big ass purses so this was genius. He thought it up all by himself too, so while he may not be a hero in a historical romance novel, I think he's right up there.
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The puppy? She's growing! She's more than doubled her weight since we've had her and her coat is no longer the soft fluff that it once was. She's still soft but her hair is much curlier and thicker now. She's too smart for her own good and causes mischief left and right. She and Miss L are the first suspects for most things that happen around here...
===
We spent some wonderful time at the beach despite jelly fish and ridiculous-for-May-in-Florida weather and ICE COLD ocean water. As with every ocean trip, I spend the next week wishing for the funds for my own personal beach house. (ha!)
Now, I'm a practical person by all accounts, but reading these stories made me have odd mental conversations and irritation with my husband and myself.
Why isn't our love like that? (Was it ever? This is called a fantasy for a reason.)
Why doesn't he look at me with stars in his eyes? (WTH does that even mean?)
Do his eyes darken with lust at the mere thought of me? (No)
I think I'd like to dress like these women. Those giant dresses could hide so much... (But, think how hot you'd be. Also, being a woman kind of sucked back then.)
Would he rescue me? (?!)
Why doesn't his thumb caress my cheek in a way that makes my stomach roll with butterflies? (Because this is real life you idiot. The only thing rolling around here is our eyes.)
So, um, Ms. James is a very convincing writer apparently and I'm sure I'll be reading more of her books in the future but perhaps I should read something first with a crappy husband so that I'll feel better.
===
For Mother's Day the kids (D) got me a cute little sign for the kitchen, but my favorite thing was the keychain thing he got me. It's a large ring with 4 little kid figures on it, and has two clips on it. I can clip one side on my purse ring or zipper and attach my keys to the other side. I am FOREVER losing my keys in my big ass purses so this was genius. He thought it up all by himself too, so while he may not be a hero in a historical romance novel, I think he's right up there.
===
The puppy? She's growing! She's more than doubled her weight since we've had her and her coat is no longer the soft fluff that it once was. She's still soft but her hair is much curlier and thicker now. She's too smart for her own good and causes mischief left and right. She and Miss L are the first suspects for most things that happen around here...
 |
| Penny's 9th birthday is coming up! Piper is 19 weeks. |
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We spent some wonderful time at the beach despite jelly fish and ridiculous-for-May-in-Florida weather and ICE COLD ocean water. As with every ocean trip, I spend the next week wishing for the funds for my own personal beach house. (ha!)
 |
| We went with another family, but I don't want to post pictures of her family here without her permission. |
 | ||
| One of the best parts of going with another couple was that we swapped date nights/babysitting! SWEET! |
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| This pose has become sort of a "thing" for us. We have 2 canvas prints from previous years hanging in our dining room. This one will join them. |
Friday, April 05, 2013
The Village
People are fond of saying, "It takes a village..." in regards to child rearing. I can't say that I necessarily disagree, but what of those of us whose natural "village" is nowhere around?
I know I'm far from alone in the fact that I have no family anywhere near here, but I've never been more jealous of those that do. Of all the children on both sides of my family, my children are the only ones who do not live less than 30 minutes away from at least one set of grandparents, not to mention aunts/uncles/cousins and extended family.
There are many reasons I wish we lived closer. For one, I would love for my kids to have a closer relationship with their cousins, their grandparents, and the rest of the family. If we see them at all, we see most of our family members only once a year, a few twice, and very few are able (or willing) to make the trip to visit us. It's not enough for me, and certainly not enough for my kids to develop strong relationships with them.
Secondly, selfishly, I would love to have some help. I'm not going to lie; parenting is hard. I'm feeling the strain this week more than normal with D working overtime again, and playing rugby and soccer/gymnastics for the kids.
Yes, I have amazing friends who are more than willing to be there when I really need them. However, it's not the same as asking the grandparents to watch your kids so you can go to the store or the doctor or on a date, or have the kids spend the night on a random Saturday, or have them over for Sunday dinner or for your kids' birthdays.
Third, I just miss them. Well, most of them.
I believe we've hodge-podged together a nice little village for ourselves here, but it will never be the same as family for me. Not because I don't love my friends like (and oftentimes more than) family, and not because I can't count on them (I totally could) but it just isn't the same. As much as I love my friends here, they also have small children, jobs, lives, and all the same sort of struggles we do. We can vent together, hang out together, have fun together, and even rely on each other - and that's nothing to sneeze at so I don't mean to discount it. I just selfishly want more. I want the friends I love, the place I love, and the family I love all near each other.
Perhaps I'm romanticizing it a bit. I know my family well enough to know that we'd get on each others nerves often enough. Still... I've started questioning if I can really live my whole life never again living near family. We can't keep on visiting two far-away states several times a year, especially when the travel is so one sided. (Well, perhaps we can, but I'm weary of it. The other alternative is not seeing family, and that is also not a good option.)
Will I be sorry later, when my children don't have the relationships with family that are built at a young age? Then again, how could I move them away from the home we love, and the people we know and love? Moving & starting over doesn't appeal to me, not in the least.
So, village-less parents, how do you manage? And can someone round up my 15 closest family members and make them move down South?
I know I'm far from alone in the fact that I have no family anywhere near here, but I've never been more jealous of those that do. Of all the children on both sides of my family, my children are the only ones who do not live less than 30 minutes away from at least one set of grandparents, not to mention aunts/uncles/cousins and extended family.
There are many reasons I wish we lived closer. For one, I would love for my kids to have a closer relationship with their cousins, their grandparents, and the rest of the family. If we see them at all, we see most of our family members only once a year, a few twice, and very few are able (or willing) to make the trip to visit us. It's not enough for me, and certainly not enough for my kids to develop strong relationships with them.
Secondly, selfishly, I would love to have some help. I'm not going to lie; parenting is hard. I'm feeling the strain this week more than normal with D working overtime again, and playing rugby and soccer/gymnastics for the kids.
Yes, I have amazing friends who are more than willing to be there when I really need them. However, it's not the same as asking the grandparents to watch your kids so you can go to the store or the doctor or on a date, or have the kids spend the night on a random Saturday, or have them over for Sunday dinner or for your kids' birthdays.
Third, I just miss them. Well, most of them.
I believe we've hodge-podged together a nice little village for ourselves here, but it will never be the same as family for me. Not because I don't love my friends like (and oftentimes more than) family, and not because I can't count on them (I totally could) but it just isn't the same. As much as I love my friends here, they also have small children, jobs, lives, and all the same sort of struggles we do. We can vent together, hang out together, have fun together, and even rely on each other - and that's nothing to sneeze at so I don't mean to discount it. I just selfishly want more. I want the friends I love, the place I love, and the family I love all near each other.
Perhaps I'm romanticizing it a bit. I know my family well enough to know that we'd get on each others nerves often enough. Still... I've started questioning if I can really live my whole life never again living near family. We can't keep on visiting two far-away states several times a year, especially when the travel is so one sided. (Well, perhaps we can, but I'm weary of it. The other alternative is not seeing family, and that is also not a good option.)
Will I be sorry later, when my children don't have the relationships with family that are built at a young age? Then again, how could I move them away from the home we love, and the people we know and love? Moving & starting over doesn't appeal to me, not in the least.
So, village-less parents, how do you manage? And can someone round up my 15 closest family members and make them move down South?
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
Grump-a-lump
D worked on Saturday, but isn't supposed to be working overtime on the project he's currently on so he "had" to take a day this week off. We were going to go to lunch while the little kids were at preschool and the big boys were at their science class. However, C got sick during dinner last night and couldn't go to preschool, and L didn't want to go either. Now, D is running errands while the big boys are at their science class and I had leftovers for lunch. Good leftovers, but still.
Besides just having C get sick during dinner -- which required a shower for him, and a steam clean for the floor -- yesterday sucked. I've been feeling upset about the handling of some family "issues" in D's family and some of my own family is giving me a hard time about a vacation they want us to take with them. I don't take kindly to people acting like *I* make no effort when I drag my family here, there and everywhere to visit them each and EVERY year. Plus, you know, I'm not made of money.
Aside from that, I took Penny back to the vet yesterday for a follow up and her liver enzyme level is more than twice as much as it was 2 weeks ago. *sigh* (For comparison, her first level was 1,000, her second was 800 and her third was 1,800. Normal is around 100.)
I've been shoving pills down her throat 3 times a day for over a month and things aren't getting better at all. The vet wants me to continue, but I can't see why, when it's not helping. The vet is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I find I'm not sure about giving her more and more medicine when it's not helping. My goal is for the remainder of her life to be happy and pain free, even if it's not quite as long as it could be. (She's 9 & also heartworm positive.) I don't want to put her through liver biopsies and surgeries when the damage to her liver is done. I feel torn about the whole situation, and terribly sad, of course. (and significantly relieved of quite a lot of my money)
I needed a pick me up in a big way but I'm working very hard on not eating sugar. I've stayed away from sugar since Ash Wednesday (minus coffee creamer and wine) but it's hard for an emotional eater like me. I decided that I needed chocolate and if I couldn't find a way to get some that one of the Easter bunnies in my closet was going to be minus a head or tail. I stumbled upon this recipe for Primal Fudge on Pinterest and it's FANTASTIC. Even the kids thought so, because I wasn't sure if it was just because I was chocolate free for so long or not. Try it! It's gooooood.
(And it only uses honey, so technically it's not sugar, right?) (Don't answer that.)
Anyway, I had my healthy chocolate and some wine. Oh, wine! The Universe knew just what I needed yesterday because my wine club shipment came yesterday. Six lovely bottles of wine, just in the nick of time!
Now, since I can't have a date with my lovely husband I think I will go eat some more chocolate (it's healthy!) and get on with my day.
---
Off topic: Try this recipe for cabbage rolls. OMGSOGOOD!
(I didn't cook as long as they said, only about 4 hours on high, then 1 on low)
Besides just having C get sick during dinner -- which required a shower for him, and a steam clean for the floor -- yesterday sucked. I've been feeling upset about the handling of some family "issues" in D's family and some of my own family is giving me a hard time about a vacation they want us to take with them. I don't take kindly to people acting like *I* make no effort when I drag my family here, there and everywhere to visit them each and EVERY year. Plus, you know, I'm not made of money.
Aside from that, I took Penny back to the vet yesterday for a follow up and her liver enzyme level is more than twice as much as it was 2 weeks ago. *sigh* (For comparison, her first level was 1,000, her second was 800 and her third was 1,800. Normal is around 100.)
I've been shoving pills down her throat 3 times a day for over a month and things aren't getting better at all. The vet wants me to continue, but I can't see why, when it's not helping. The vet is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I find I'm not sure about giving her more and more medicine when it's not helping. My goal is for the remainder of her life to be happy and pain free, even if it's not quite as long as it could be. (She's 9 & also heartworm positive.) I don't want to put her through liver biopsies and surgeries when the damage to her liver is done. I feel torn about the whole situation, and terribly sad, of course. (and significantly relieved of quite a lot of my money)
I needed a pick me up in a big way but I'm working very hard on not eating sugar. I've stayed away from sugar since Ash Wednesday (minus coffee creamer and wine) but it's hard for an emotional eater like me. I decided that I needed chocolate and if I couldn't find a way to get some that one of the Easter bunnies in my closet was going to be minus a head or tail. I stumbled upon this recipe for Primal Fudge on Pinterest and it's FANTASTIC. Even the kids thought so, because I wasn't sure if it was just because I was chocolate free for so long or not. Try it! It's gooooood.
(And it only uses honey, so technically it's not sugar, right?) (Don't answer that.)
Anyway, I had my healthy chocolate and some wine. Oh, wine! The Universe knew just what I needed yesterday because my wine club shipment came yesterday. Six lovely bottles of wine, just in the nick of time!
Now, since I can't have a date with my lovely husband I think I will go eat some more chocolate (it's healthy!) and get on with my day.
---
Off topic: Try this recipe for cabbage rolls. OMGSOGOOD!
(I didn't cook as long as they said, only about 4 hours on high, then 1 on low)
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I want chocolate. I'd probably settle for baking chocolate... which is not good... if I wasn't currently sugar free. I've been OK until today and now I WANT ALL THE SUGAR BUT MOSTLY CHOCOLATE. Want.
*ahem*
I can attribute this craving to several things. One being hormones, and also that I am sick with an achy body and sore throat. Secondly, three of the kids are also sick. Third, we had about a million and three things scheduled this week and it's just annoying to not feel well and deal with grumpy kids who also do not feel well. In my last blog I was talking about Miss L and how sweet and loving she is. Well, in the true spirit of a three year old, she has been a holy terror this week. JUST TODAY she tried to drink the honey bottle while hiding under the kitchen table so I couldn't see her (I could), she pee'd on ... everything... she didn't take a nap, she poured her entire cup of water on the couch and also filled up the cup holders, and she pushed the step stool over to my spice cabinet, climbed up on the counter and took out my Halloween sprinkles and helped herself to the orange sugar variety.
All over my couch.
---
On the upside, D isn't working overtime at work and it is kind of ridiculous how short a 40 hour work week feels after months upon months (years?) of overtime. The nutty cat seems to have mostly calmed down and is happier now that he's outside. We got good and bad news at the vet about Penny. Good news is she doesn't have cancer or a tumor, but the bad news is that she does have liver failure and we're not sure why. So, she's on special medicine and food but right now she seems to be doing well except for thwarting me at every turn when I try to get her to take her pills twice a day.
Things I've tried:
hiding pills in treats
hiding pills in food including cheese, hot dogs, peanut butter, lunch meat & anything else I thought she'd eat
smashing up pills in dry food, wet food and people food
shoving pills down her throat and hoping she swallows them, then shoving them down again when she spits them out
Things that have worked:
Shoving pills down her throat repeatedly.
It's fun.
---
I'm also trying to book a summer vacation for a family reunion type thing and since we weren't really planning to take a summer vacation (remember Disney? That took all our vacation money.) it's proving difficult to find somewhere we can afford. If we DON'T go, I will hear crap about it forever... but we also have to make at least two other trips this year and hello? Six people on one income here. I have a feeling that we won't end up going at all, and YES I DO want to go to the beach, but sometimes being a grown up means not spending money you don't have, so yeah.
Did I mention I really want some chocolate?
*ahem*
I can attribute this craving to several things. One being hormones, and also that I am sick with an achy body and sore throat. Secondly, three of the kids are also sick. Third, we had about a million and three things scheduled this week and it's just annoying to not feel well and deal with grumpy kids who also do not feel well. In my last blog I was talking about Miss L and how sweet and loving she is. Well, in the true spirit of a three year old, she has been a holy terror this week. JUST TODAY she tried to drink the honey bottle while hiding under the kitchen table so I couldn't see her (I could), she pee'd on ... everything... she didn't take a nap, she poured her entire cup of water on the couch and also filled up the cup holders, and she pushed the step stool over to my spice cabinet, climbed up on the counter and took out my Halloween sprinkles and helped herself to the orange sugar variety.
All over my couch.
 |
| Um... I don't know who ate those sprinkles... |
---
On the upside, D isn't working overtime at work and it is kind of ridiculous how short a 40 hour work week feels after months upon months (years?) of overtime. The nutty cat seems to have mostly calmed down and is happier now that he's outside. We got good and bad news at the vet about Penny. Good news is she doesn't have cancer or a tumor, but the bad news is that she does have liver failure and we're not sure why. So, she's on special medicine and food but right now she seems to be doing well except for thwarting me at every turn when I try to get her to take her pills twice a day.
Things I've tried:
hiding pills in treats
hiding pills in food including cheese, hot dogs, peanut butter, lunch meat & anything else I thought she'd eat
smashing up pills in dry food, wet food and people food
shoving pills down her throat and hoping she swallows them, then shoving them down again when she spits them out
Things that have worked:
Shoving pills down her throat repeatedly.
It's fun.
---
I'm also trying to book a summer vacation for a family reunion type thing and since we weren't really planning to take a summer vacation (remember Disney? That took all our vacation money.) it's proving difficult to find somewhere we can afford. If we DON'T go, I will hear crap about it forever... but we also have to make at least two other trips this year and hello? Six people on one income here. I have a feeling that we won't end up going at all, and YES I DO want to go to the beach, but sometimes being a grown up means not spending money you don't have, so yeah.
Did I mention I really want some chocolate?
Friday, February 08, 2013
sweet, sick, pets, ears & v-day
* Miss L is in a phase where she still has that baby voice but says grown up things and makes my heart thump a little louder. She's so sweet (when she feels like it) and randomly says, "I wuv you!" and "Sanks!" (thanks) to things. Of course she's also sassy as heck, and dramatic and bossssssssy. She's my pal though; a total mama's girl.
* Pet drama is abounding right now. Remember when our cat started beating up our other cat? Well, we eventually re-homed the victim cat because nothing we tried was successful and we were all miserable. (especially victim cat) Things were fine for several months, but now crazy-screw-loose cat has turned on the dog. I don't know what we are going to do about it, but the vet said that sometimes indoor-only cats get a little nuts and take their aggression out on inappropriate targets. So, for now we are letting him explore the back yard in hopes that actually being outside would help. So far it's not helping. He seems more aggressive than before. Poor Penny is petrified of him.
Speaking of Penny, I took her to the vet yesterday for annual shots and when they ran her blood work they found her liver enzymes were through-the-roof high. So, for now Penny is on 7.5 pills a day, and next week she's getting an x-ray and then we'll decide where to go from there, depending on what they find. Words like tumor and mass were thrown around and the vet was very concerned so that does not comfort me. She's almost 9, but I admit I thought she was in good health. (Besides being heartworm + which we already knew and are treating.)
Oh, and I couldn't even tell D the cost. He didn't want to know and that is definitely a good thing. Too bad we can't take money out of our health care savings account to pay for pet care. *sigh*
* I'm sick. Again. We had a pretty good run of good health after Christmas, so I guess it was bound to happen. This has been a rough winter for me. Ever since I got sick with pneumonia in Aug/Sept I have been sick off and on.
* D's ear got torn during rugby last week and he kept saying it felt weird inside. I convinced him to go to the ENT and turns out he ruptured his ear drum. How hard do you have to get hit to rupture your ear drum? Stupid rugby.
* Valentine's Day is coming... and I can't get into it this year. I usually have all sorts of sweet ideas cooked up for D and the kids but this year I'm just going through the motions. I know it's not cool to like Valentine's Day, but I DO. (usually)
I got the kids each a tiny box of chocolates and D some shirts. I bought plain old cards in a box for their school parties. I saw some cute ideas on Pinterest, but 32 valentines for $3 just can't be beat. Easy and cheap.
* Pet drama is abounding right now. Remember when our cat started beating up our other cat? Well, we eventually re-homed the victim cat because nothing we tried was successful and we were all miserable. (especially victim cat) Things were fine for several months, but now crazy-screw-loose cat has turned on the dog. I don't know what we are going to do about it, but the vet said that sometimes indoor-only cats get a little nuts and take their aggression out on inappropriate targets. So, for now we are letting him explore the back yard in hopes that actually being outside would help. So far it's not helping. He seems more aggressive than before. Poor Penny is petrified of him.
Speaking of Penny, I took her to the vet yesterday for annual shots and when they ran her blood work they found her liver enzymes were through-the-roof high. So, for now Penny is on 7.5 pills a day, and next week she's getting an x-ray and then we'll decide where to go from there, depending on what they find. Words like tumor and mass were thrown around and the vet was very concerned so that does not comfort me. She's almost 9, but I admit I thought she was in good health. (Besides being heartworm + which we already knew and are treating.)
Oh, and I couldn't even tell D the cost. He didn't want to know and that is definitely a good thing. Too bad we can't take money out of our health care savings account to pay for pet care. *sigh*
* I'm sick. Again. We had a pretty good run of good health after Christmas, so I guess it was bound to happen. This has been a rough winter for me. Ever since I got sick with pneumonia in Aug/Sept I have been sick off and on.
* D's ear got torn during rugby last week and he kept saying it felt weird inside. I convinced him to go to the ENT and turns out he ruptured his ear drum. How hard do you have to get hit to rupture your ear drum? Stupid rugby.
* Valentine's Day is coming... and I can't get into it this year. I usually have all sorts of sweet ideas cooked up for D and the kids but this year I'm just going through the motions. I know it's not cool to like Valentine's Day, but I DO. (usually)
I got the kids each a tiny box of chocolates and D some shirts. I bought plain old cards in a box for their school parties. I saw some cute ideas on Pinterest, but 32 valentines for $3 just can't be beat. Easy and cheap.
Monday, October 22, 2012
You've got to be kidding me! Cats & pneumonia edition
You might remember when I blogged about our cats fighting, or more specifically, one cat beating the snot out of the other. (As a follow up, we tried the vet's suggestions and finally decided it wasn't fair to the victim cat to keep him any longer. He's very happy in his new home, but we all shed some tears.)
Things have been going well being a one cat household, surprisingly. The remaining cat is the sweetest cat EVER to people, although apparently takes out all his aggression on other cats. He is soft and loveable, doesn't jump on the counters, hardly even meows, and is just all around lovely.
However, Saturday morning Miss L broke out in terrible hives. Her hands and feet were bright red, swollen, and she had hives on her legs and fingers. I freaked and called the on call doctor who seemed annoyed by me interrupting his Saturday and gave me the advice to give her Benadryl, which duh... but I've never had a kid with such a strong allergic reaction like that so I was scared! She was fine the rest of the day, in which we were either outside or out of the house. Sunday morning the same thing happened except I didn't bother to call the doctor this time. We started noticing that it was worse when she sat on the couch, or the floor, or the cat's favorite spot on the carpet. At one point she laid her head down on the couch and got up with a huge red hive on her face! We got a little smarter at this point and decided it might be the cat. We put him on the screened in porch and vacuumed everything, including the couch, and washed everything that might have cat hair on it. While we were out of the house that day, she didn't have one red spot.
Today, same story. Hives. And she didn't even sit on the couch, or touch the cat. I called the doctor and got a referral to an allergist, but I feel like he's going to come to the same conclusion I am. (By the way, this took 3 phone calls and talking to 3 people. I hate the phone, but sill suck it up for the kids.)
If it's the cat, what are we going to do? Can he continue to live here? I don't see how.
We have such a coyote problem, I'm afraid making him an outside cat would be the same as a death sentence... we've already lost 2 cats that way.
She goes to see the allergist on Friday but she can't have any antihistamines until she gets tested so we have to keep her away from the cat (he's living on the screened in porch for the near future) and cat dander. I've been furiously cleaning everything I can get my hands on. The hair! OMG! It gets on everything! It's EVERYWHERE!
PS - Benadryl does not make her sleepy. At all. No nap for going on the 3rd day.
----
Saturday was also my last day on antibiotics. I've been gradually feeling better, but it was the first day I felt really good! I didn't cough at all, and I was so excited to get off the medicine - finally!
I was diagnosed with pneumonia on September 18th, although I had been sick for a few weeks before that. I put off going to the doctor for a longer time than I should have. I got 10 days of meds, took them and finally conceded I wasn't better and went BACK to the doctor on October 11th. I got 10 more days of antibiotics, apparently a super strong one, and now? I'm not feeling good again.
Yesterday I coughed a couple times and it sent my radar up, but I thought maybe it was a fluke. This morning I practically hacked up a lung and there was some nasty phlegm involved. Gross. My back is hurting a little bit again, and I started to panic.
I called the doctor and had to speak to the receptionist, who said I couldn't talk to a nurse but she would take a message, so I explained briefly to her. Then the nurse called back and I explained my problem to her and she said she had to talk to the doctor and I'm waiting on another call back to see if the doctor thinks I need to come in again (really questioning my thinking in picking a doctor 25 minutes away) or if she will call in a few more days of antibiotics or if I'm going todie drown in my own phlegm be fine.
Seriously, this is getting ridiculous! I don't even get sick very much, and I can't seem to get rid of this mess!
Between Miss L and me, that's a lot of phone calls this morning. I also need to schedule dentist appointments for all 6 of us, but that might have to wait until tomorrow.
EDIT: I finally talked to the nurse again and she said that the doctor doesn't think I could possibly still have an infection after two rounds of antibiotics. So... I hope she's right! If it gets worse I'm supposed to call back.
----
There were some good things about this weekend though!
Saturday:
Sunday:
Things have been going well being a one cat household, surprisingly. The remaining cat is the sweetest cat EVER to people, although apparently takes out all his aggression on other cats. He is soft and loveable, doesn't jump on the counters, hardly even meows, and is just all around lovely.
However, Saturday morning Miss L broke out in terrible hives. Her hands and feet were bright red, swollen, and she had hives on her legs and fingers. I freaked and called the on call doctor who seemed annoyed by me interrupting his Saturday and gave me the advice to give her Benadryl, which duh... but I've never had a kid with such a strong allergic reaction like that so I was scared! She was fine the rest of the day, in which we were either outside or out of the house. Sunday morning the same thing happened except I didn't bother to call the doctor this time. We started noticing that it was worse when she sat on the couch, or the floor, or the cat's favorite spot on the carpet. At one point she laid her head down on the couch and got up with a huge red hive on her face! We got a little smarter at this point and decided it might be the cat. We put him on the screened in porch and vacuumed everything, including the couch, and washed everything that might have cat hair on it. While we were out of the house that day, she didn't have one red spot.
Today, same story. Hives. And she didn't even sit on the couch, or touch the cat. I called the doctor and got a referral to an allergist, but I feel like he's going to come to the same conclusion I am. (By the way, this took 3 phone calls and talking to 3 people. I hate the phone, but sill suck it up for the kids.)
If it's the cat, what are we going to do? Can he continue to live here? I don't see how.
We have such a coyote problem, I'm afraid making him an outside cat would be the same as a death sentence... we've already lost 2 cats that way.
She goes to see the allergist on Friday but she can't have any antihistamines until she gets tested so we have to keep her away from the cat (he's living on the screened in porch for the near future) and cat dander. I've been furiously cleaning everything I can get my hands on. The hair! OMG! It gets on everything! It's EVERYWHERE!
PS - Benadryl does not make her sleepy. At all. No nap for going on the 3rd day.
----
Saturday was also my last day on antibiotics. I've been gradually feeling better, but it was the first day I felt really good! I didn't cough at all, and I was so excited to get off the medicine - finally!
I was diagnosed with pneumonia on September 18th, although I had been sick for a few weeks before that. I put off going to the doctor for a longer time than I should have. I got 10 days of meds, took them and finally conceded I wasn't better and went BACK to the doctor on October 11th. I got 10 more days of antibiotics, apparently a super strong one, and now? I'm not feeling good again.
Yesterday I coughed a couple times and it sent my radar up, but I thought maybe it was a fluke. This morning I practically hacked up a lung and there was some nasty phlegm involved. Gross. My back is hurting a little bit again, and I started to panic.
I called the doctor and had to speak to the receptionist, who said I couldn't talk to a nurse but she would take a message, so I explained briefly to her. Then the nurse called back and I explained my problem to her and she said she had to talk to the doctor and I'm waiting on another call back to see if the doctor thinks I need to come in again (really questioning my thinking in picking a doctor 25 minutes away) or if she will call in a few more days of antibiotics or if I'm going to
Seriously, this is getting ridiculous! I don't even get sick very much, and I can't seem to get rid of this mess!
Between Miss L and me, that's a lot of phone calls this morning. I also need to schedule dentist appointments for all 6 of us, but that might have to wait until tomorrow.
EDIT: I finally talked to the nurse again and she said that the doctor doesn't think I could possibly still have an infection after two rounds of antibiotics. So... I hope she's right! If it gets worse I'm supposed to call back.
----
There were some good things about this weekend though!
Saturday:
 |
| Halloween Carnival with my fabulous moms' group |
Sunday:
 |
| "Hiking" at Rainbow Mountain |
Thursday, September 27, 2012
The Unattainable Goal of Balance
I've spent all my 7ish meager years as a parent trying to figure out how to balance what my kids want and need with what I want and need. I have finally come to the conclusion that THERE CAN BE NO BALANCE. I don't believe you writers out there who write about balance as if you have achieved it.
(If you really have, teach me how. Please! I'm begging!)
HOW can there be balance when the children are so many and their needs outweigh mine by a truckload? And? Don't even get me started on the house! If it was just the kids, I think I'd be OK, but there is always more laundry, always more dishes, pet care, cleaning, and always bills to pay and errands to run and it's someone's birthday and I forgot to get a present and worse - I will have to go to the frickin' frackin' post office to mail it because everyone lives so damn far away!
---
In addition, I think the transition to homeschooling is really starting to weigh on me. It's not the school work, but there is never any time for myself. My husband works too much, at least right now, and we are always busy. We are hardly home, so it's not like we don't get out, but I'm starting to feel really isolated. It's weird now, going to play dates when everyone else's kids are in school. I feel like people are starting to pull away, because I always have my kids with me and can't do a lot of things anymore. Plus, I *do* have to teach them and that takes a lot of time and energy to do it the way I want! (The feeling of isolation is completely irrational, by the way. In the last week I have had coffee with a friend, had friends over for a movie night, had a lovely friend bring me a dish, went on a playdate and lunch with another friend and spent a morning at the pumpkin patch surrounded by wonderful people. What is my problem, anyway?!)
I've joined a homeschool group but I'm NOT good at meeting new people. Huge new group of people + lots of new places = very uncomfortable situation for me!
I get very intimidated and it's hard for me to open up right away. I'm a slow bloomer at friendship.
I will keep at it, and hope that it gets easier. I have to find a couple people I click with, but so far I haven't.
Having the kids with me all the time has some great upsides too. They are learning so much, and we are having SO much fun! I'm closer to them than I was, and I think homeschooling was absolutely the right choice for them. I didn't want to do it at first. At times, I'm as overwhelmed as I feared I would be. However, I rarely feel convicted, but I could practically hear the voice in my head screaming that this is what I was supposed to do. I couldn't ignore it anymore.
That's a whole different topic...
----
Anyway, back to balance. How do you find it when one side of the scale holds a truckload of bricks and the other side holds a cup, just begging to be filled? Is this one of those times when you just stop complaining, and put your head down and plow through it? I'm good at that; I've got experience there... just grit your teeth and keep going. But, I have to know that it's the only option. Is balance as unattainable as it feels?
(If you really have, teach me how. Please! I'm begging!)
HOW can there be balance when the children are so many and their needs outweigh mine by a truckload? And? Don't even get me started on the house! If it was just the kids, I think I'd be OK, but there is always more laundry, always more dishes, pet care, cleaning, and always bills to pay and errands to run and it's someone's birthday and I forgot to get a present and worse - I will have to go to the frickin' frackin' post office to mail it because everyone lives so damn far away!
BALANCE.
It can't be done.
In addition, I think the transition to homeschooling is really starting to weigh on me. It's not the school work, but there is never any time for myself. My husband works too much, at least right now, and we are always busy. We are hardly home, so it's not like we don't get out, but I'm starting to feel really isolated. It's weird now, going to play dates when everyone else's kids are in school. I feel like people are starting to pull away, because I always have my kids with me and can't do a lot of things anymore. Plus, I *do* have to teach them and that takes a lot of time and energy to do it the way I want! (The feeling of isolation is completely irrational, by the way. In the last week I have had coffee with a friend, had friends over for a movie night, had a lovely friend bring me a dish, went on a playdate and lunch with another friend and spent a morning at the pumpkin patch surrounded by wonderful people. What is my problem, anyway?!)
I've joined a homeschool group but I'm NOT good at meeting new people. Huge new group of people + lots of new places = very uncomfortable situation for me!
I get very intimidated and it's hard for me to open up right away. I'm a slow bloomer at friendship.
I will keep at it, and hope that it gets easier. I have to find a couple people I click with, but so far I haven't.
Having the kids with me all the time has some great upsides too. They are learning so much, and we are having SO much fun! I'm closer to them than I was, and I think homeschooling was absolutely the right choice for them. I didn't want to do it at first. At times, I'm as overwhelmed as I feared I would be. However, I rarely feel convicted, but I could practically hear the voice in my head screaming that this is what I was supposed to do. I couldn't ignore it anymore.
That's a whole different topic...
----
Anyway, back to balance. How do you find it when one side of the scale holds a truckload of bricks and the other side holds a cup, just begging to be filled? Is this one of those times when you just stop complaining, and put your head down and plow through it? I'm good at that; I've got experience there... just grit your teeth and keep going. But, I have to know that it's the only option. Is balance as unattainable as it feels?
Friday, August 17, 2012
Friday Free For All
* Somebody fell off the swing yesterday. Luckily, this one wasn't on my watch.
* We completed our 30th day of homeschooling today, right before our public school system goes back. I can't say I haven't had second thoughts. I've wavered back and forth between absolutely believing I'm doing the right thing and absolutely believing I'm certifiably insane.
*Hope springs eternal:
* I'm not sure it even got over 80 today. It may be August, but I'm as ready for Fall as I'll ever be! Bring it on!
* I've been working out more than ever, now that I'm forced to spend an hour and a half at the YMCA twice a week while the older boys take karate. I gained weight this week. I don't want to talk about it.
* I plan to put the kids to bed early-ish, and take a nice long bath (after I clean the Lego boats out of there) and read the magazine that came in the mail today that promises to cure me of my emotional eating. I'll let you know how that one goes.
* We may not have gotten to go to the beach, but at least we have ice cream.
*Hope springs eternal:
* I'm not sure it even got over 80 today. It may be August, but I'm as ready for Fall as I'll ever be! Bring it on!
* I've been working out more than ever, now that I'm forced to spend an hour and a half at the YMCA twice a week while the older boys take karate. I gained weight this week. I don't want to talk about it.
* I plan to put the kids to bed early-ish, and take a nice long bath (after I clean the Lego boats out of there) and read the magazine that came in the mail today that promises to cure me of my emotional eating. I'll let you know how that one goes.
* We may not have gotten to go to the beach, but at least we have ice cream.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
My 2 Year Old is Broken, and Other Whines...
My previously sweet two year old is broken. She just screeches and screams and cries and demands and bosses others around all day.
There have been many days when I think she must be sick, and when I mention to D that I'm thinking of taking her to the doctor -- even though she has NO SYMPTOMS OF ANYTHING -- he says, "You say that every time we have a child this age."
Oh yeah. She's not broken.
She's two.
***
I've made plans a lot this week and haven't been able to follow through on many of them at all. It seems like I plan something and someone (or everyone) doesn't cooperate, or I don't manage my time well, or D has to work late or we have something else going on or THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS PLOTTING AGAINST ME.
This is not my week. Also, I miss people besides my children and most of these broken plans were for MY benefit. Urgh.
***
Today is one of those days where I feel like everyone is annoyed at me. My imagination runs away with me and I think all sorts of negative things.
This post will annoy everyone.
My stupid broken plans are making everyone hate me.
My friends are avoiding me.
I realize this is more than likely not true, but it makes me want to go eat chocolate anyway.
Dear Brain, SHUT UP.
***
I'm on week 8 of Weight Watchers. I'm still chugging along but I feel like I should have lost more by now.
I'm losing weight, and I'm working out more, but goodness is the progress slow! Tomorrow is my weigh in so I'm not sure how much I've lost exactly but I think I'm hovering around 9 pounds*. Maaaaaaaybe 10, but probably not quite.
(*Otherwise known as the amount of weight my husband can lose in 3 days.)
***
I feel like eating a chocolate cake, or a giant candy bar or something else delicious and terrible for me that will induce great amounts of guilt and mental ass kicking when I realize what I've done. Lucky for me, I'm smart enough not to have any of that in the house so I'll end up furiously chewing gum and drinking Crystal Light until dinner time. After dinner I'll go to bed and wake up tomorrow with an attitude that isn't so sh*tty.
There have been many days when I think she must be sick, and when I mention to D that I'm thinking of taking her to the doctor -- even though she has NO SYMPTOMS OF ANYTHING -- he says, "You say that every time we have a child this age."
Oh yeah. She's not broken.
She's two.
***
I've made plans a lot this week and haven't been able to follow through on many of them at all. It seems like I plan something and someone (or everyone) doesn't cooperate, or I don't manage my time well, or D has to work late or we have something else going on or THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS PLOTTING AGAINST ME.
This is not my week. Also, I miss people besides my children and most of these broken plans were for MY benefit. Urgh.
***
Today is one of those days where I feel like everyone is annoyed at me. My imagination runs away with me and I think all sorts of negative things.
This post will annoy everyone.
My stupid broken plans are making everyone hate me.
My friends are avoiding me.
I realize this is more than likely not true, but it makes me want to go eat chocolate anyway.
Dear Brain, SHUT UP.
***
I'm on week 8 of Weight Watchers. I'm still chugging along but I feel like I should have lost more by now.
I'm losing weight, and I'm working out more, but goodness is the progress slow! Tomorrow is my weigh in so I'm not sure how much I've lost exactly but I think I'm hovering around 9 pounds*. Maaaaaaaybe 10, but probably not quite.
(*Otherwise known as the amount of weight my husband can lose in 3 days.)
***
I feel like eating a chocolate cake, or a giant candy bar or something else delicious and terrible for me that will induce great amounts of guilt and mental ass kicking when I realize what I've done. Lucky for me, I'm smart enough not to have any of that in the house so I'll end up furiously chewing gum and drinking Crystal Light until dinner time. After dinner I'll go to bed and wake up tomorrow with an attitude that isn't so sh*tty.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Struggle
One thing that is so discouraging to me about a diet is that I've come to realize that it is never going to end.
Yes, I realize it's a life style change. I know so much about diet and nutrition... and frankly, you might not be able to tell it from looking at me, but I eat very healthily 90% of the time. I do get sugar cravings and I like my wine, and I'm not saying that I don't eat junk sometimes. I do. However, for the most part, I eat really well. I love vegetables, I eat lean meats and not even much of those, I stay away from processed foods as much as I can, I watch portion sizes... and the point is that I eat healthy stuff almost all the time.
And it doesn't matter.
My weight is something I struggle with. If I slip up, even a LITTLE, I gain weight. I feel like this is a never ending battle. I'll never, NEVER be able to let my guard down.
It's not that I can't lose weight if I work really hard and really watch what I eat and exercise regularly; I can. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I reach my goal weight, I'll still have to be very careful. Chances are good this isn't the last time I'll be on a diet, although hopefully it will be the last time I work to lose 40 pounds.
I'm not saying I don't want to reach my goal weight, or that it's not worth it, it just suuuuuucks to know that this is ALWAYS going to be a struggle for me. I don't have the luxury of having a great metabolism or a naturally small body size, and I never will. (and I realize there are plenty of other people who don't have those things either, and a lot of people have to work hard to stay the size they want to be.)
Sometimes I just want to bang my head against the wall. Am I going to have to count points or calories my whole life? Maybe I will have to. Maybe I should just accept that now and get on with it.
Today, I'm tired of the struggle but I know that if I give up today I'm going to pay for it tomorrow. So, I'm just going to keep plodding along and, eventually, I'm going to get there. Right?
Yes, I realize it's a life style change. I know so much about diet and nutrition... and frankly, you might not be able to tell it from looking at me, but I eat very healthily 90% of the time. I do get sugar cravings and I like my wine, and I'm not saying that I don't eat junk sometimes. I do. However, for the most part, I eat really well. I love vegetables, I eat lean meats and not even much of those, I stay away from processed foods as much as I can, I watch portion sizes... and the point is that I eat healthy stuff almost all the time.
And it doesn't matter.
My weight is something I struggle with. If I slip up, even a LITTLE, I gain weight. I feel like this is a never ending battle. I'll never, NEVER be able to let my guard down.
It's not that I can't lose weight if I work really hard and really watch what I eat and exercise regularly; I can. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I reach my goal weight, I'll still have to be very careful. Chances are good this isn't the last time I'll be on a diet, although hopefully it will be the last time I work to lose 40 pounds.
I'm not saying I don't want to reach my goal weight, or that it's not worth it, it just suuuuuucks to know that this is ALWAYS going to be a struggle for me. I don't have the luxury of having a great metabolism or a naturally small body size, and I never will. (and I realize there are plenty of other people who don't have those things either, and a lot of people have to work hard to stay the size they want to be.)
Sometimes I just want to bang my head against the wall. Am I going to have to count points or calories my whole life? Maybe I will have to. Maybe I should just accept that now and get on with it.
Today, I'm tired of the struggle but I know that if I give up today I'm going to pay for it tomorrow. So, I'm just going to keep plodding along and, eventually, I'm going to get there. Right?
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
grump
It's not even 10 AM and it's already one of those days. I woke up very congested, and with a headache. I wanted to stay in bed, but there were 4 little people that prevented that. D couldn't stay home from work because he's in charge of the blood drive today.
There's an issue at d's school that needs addressing, but I need to work up the courage to do it and also figure out the best way. It's not something I can just ignore.
d is in charge of taking his own coat and/or back pack to the car, but he forgot both today. I grabbed his back pack but he didn't get his coat and of course he was upset when I wouldn't go back and get it and then he didn't want to get out of the car and I hate making him go when he's upset. Afterforcing him out dropping him off I got the other 3 ready to go so the boys could go to preschool and I could get much needed groceries. O waited until everyone was nearly ready to tell me that his head and tummy hurt. He looked unwell once I actually noticed and he NEVER says he didn't want to go to school so when he said he didn't, I let him stay home. Then C didn't want to go either, and frankly at this point I decided I might as well keep them both home since I couldn't do my errands with a whiny sick child anyway. (I do not venture to the store when someone's tummy hurts. That seems like asking for trouble.)
Now everyone is sort of cranky and out of sorts and that includes me.
I was planning to use a Starbucks gift card to get a yummy coffee, but I had to make my own instead and for some reason it just tastes terrible. Bitterness, perhaps?
There's an issue at d's school that needs addressing, but I need to work up the courage to do it and also figure out the best way. It's not something I can just ignore.
d is in charge of taking his own coat and/or back pack to the car, but he forgot both today. I grabbed his back pack but he didn't get his coat and of course he was upset when I wouldn't go back and get it and then he didn't want to get out of the car and I hate making him go when he's upset. After
Now everyone is sort of cranky and out of sorts and that includes me.
I was planning to use a Starbucks gift card to get a yummy coffee, but I had to make my own instead and for some reason it just tastes terrible. Bitterness, perhaps?
Monday, January 30, 2012
The Happy Heavy Homemaker
Since this new year has started, I've been on an organizing spree. I've been sprucing up closets, de-cluttering and re-purposing everything I can get my hands on. Almost every room in my house has been subject to change, and it makes me smile to walk into a nicely organized, tidy, room. I feel like the whole house has gotten a face lift!
(Look for a post soon on Penny's new, out of the way, bed, and Miss L's newly organized room.)
While my financial diet is going (pretty) well and the house has never looked better, I feel like I'm working on everything but myself. I'm deliberately ignoring my diet and haven't made it to the gym AT ALL THIS YEAR.
I don't know why I'm sticking my head in the sand about this. Perhaps I'm sick of dieting. Since August of last year, I've only lost 10 pounds. (and if I'm being honest, I've gained back half.)
I'm tired of counting calories, I'm tired of going to the gym and Miss L causing me to leave after only 15 minutes. I make excuses for not going after D gets home, or before he leaves - which is admittedly very early in the morning.
It's like someone has told me I have to lose weight and now it's the only thing I don't want to do. (Like when you're pregnant and suddenly want to eat sushi and drink beer - even if you typically hate those things.)
Stubborn.
I truly do want to lose weight, so maybe it's time for my head to come out of the sand.
I'm looking forward to the glass on the left being empty.
(Look for a post soon on Penny's new, out of the way, bed, and Miss L's newly organized room.)
While my financial diet is going (pretty) well and the house has never looked better, I feel like I'm working on everything but myself. I'm deliberately ignoring my diet and haven't made it to the gym AT ALL THIS YEAR.
I don't know why I'm sticking my head in the sand about this. Perhaps I'm sick of dieting. Since August of last year, I've only lost 10 pounds. (and if I'm being honest, I've gained back half.)
I'm tired of counting calories, I'm tired of going to the gym and Miss L causing me to leave after only 15 minutes. I make excuses for not going after D gets home, or before he leaves - which is admittedly very early in the morning.
It's like someone has told me I have to lose weight and now it's the only thing I don't want to do. (Like when you're pregnant and suddenly want to eat sushi and drink beer - even if you typically hate those things.)
Stubborn.
I truly do want to lose weight, so maybe it's time for my head to come out of the sand.
I'm looking forward to the glass on the left being empty.
Monday, November 07, 2011
grown ups out there?
I have 3 sick kids at home and haven't left the house since Friday afternoon and even then it was only to pick up d from school. I am going stir crazy and miss talking to grown ups and if I have to hear one more joke with a tooting sound or underwear in the punchline, well... I think there's some rum around here somewhere.
---
If everything goes according to plan, in one month and 10 days (not that I'm counting or anything) D and I will be going on a 3 night vacation. Alone. For the first time EVER since we started a family.
(PLEASE OH PLEASE let everything go right.)
---
Have you tried the Starbucks Via packs that you can get in the store? The one I picked up was for iced coffee and you just add 8 oz of water and half the packet (or 16 oz of water and the whole packet... kind of wish they made smaller packets...) and stir, add ice and voila! Iced coffee. I also added a splash of milk to mine, but overall it was very yummy and only 50 calories which is nice for iced coffee and it was different and sweet enough that it felt like a treat. It was a good pick me up for my crabby day today.
---
I was looking through old pictures with d today (he loves to look through our photo albums) and came across some pictures of me when I was a few months past 2 years old.
I think Miss L looks like me:
---
If everything goes according to plan, in one month and 10 days (not that I'm counting or anything) D and I will be going on a 3 night vacation. Alone. For the first time EVER since we started a family.
(PLEASE OH PLEASE let everything go right.)
---
Have you tried the Starbucks Via packs that you can get in the store? The one I picked up was for iced coffee and you just add 8 oz of water and half the packet (or 16 oz of water and the whole packet... kind of wish they made smaller packets...) and stir, add ice and voila! Iced coffee. I also added a splash of milk to mine, but overall it was very yummy and only 50 calories which is nice for iced coffee and it was different and sweet enough that it felt like a treat. It was a good pick me up for my crabby day today.
---
I was looking through old pictures with d today (he loves to look through our photo albums) and came across some pictures of me when I was a few months past 2 years old.
I think Miss L looks like me:
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Anybody have Band Aids?
My feet hurt from walking on eggshells the last 5 days.
I've had more alcohol in the last 4 days than I have in the last 6 months.
Related: My inlaws went home this morning.
----
My 4 year old, who has napped reliably every day for pretty much his entire life, has abruptly stopped napping save for 1 or possibly 2 days a week. I know it's a good time; he'll be going to Kindergarten next year. But, I want him to nap. I need him to have quiet time that does not involve coming out of his room every 2 and a half minutes to see if quiet time is over yet. He's in there crying right now because I just lost my temper and yelled at him. *sigh* (Although, he got VERY LITTLE sleep the past few days and actually DOES need to sleep today.)
----
My inlaws kindly offered to watch the kids so we could go out on a date on the one night we didn't have something planned while they were here. We had a late and large lunch, so we weren't up for dinner, and the only movie that sounded decent to us didn't start until after 8PM. (the kids have been getting up at or before 5 - urgh.) We decided against the movie but I wanted to go out and get either a drink or dessert, coffee... something. I thought it would be nice to sit and talk. We get a date maybe 2 or 3 times a year, so it's so rare. I didn't want to waste it!
D thought we should... it's so bad I can barely write it... go to WalMart. We needed a few groceries. WalMart.
For a date.
WALMART.
He thought sitting and talking sounded boring. It's making me feel sad and pissed off all over again now.
Don't get me wrong, we've gone to the grocery store before when we're out on a date. Maybe after dinner, or a movie or something, but not JUST to the store. We were only gone an hour. I came home and drank wine and ate ice cream. My diet has been seriously derailed since then.
He sat on the couch with his parents and watched the World Series. (which... it seems like that was on TV every night while they were here. No offense to sports lovers, but goodness! Sports are so damn boring.)
DATE FAIL.
----
There was good stuff too though. Two highlights were d's school Fall Festival and the pumpkin patch.
I've had more alcohol in the last 4 days than I have in the last 6 months.
Related: My inlaws went home this morning.
----
My 4 year old, who has napped reliably every day for pretty much his entire life, has abruptly stopped napping save for 1 or possibly 2 days a week. I know it's a good time; he'll be going to Kindergarten next year. But, I want him to nap. I need him to have quiet time that does not involve coming out of his room every 2 and a half minutes to see if quiet time is over yet. He's in there crying right now because I just lost my temper and yelled at him. *sigh* (Although, he got VERY LITTLE sleep the past few days and actually DOES need to sleep today.)
----
My inlaws kindly offered to watch the kids so we could go out on a date on the one night we didn't have something planned while they were here. We had a late and large lunch, so we weren't up for dinner, and the only movie that sounded decent to us didn't start until after 8PM. (the kids have been getting up at or before 5 - urgh.) We decided against the movie but I wanted to go out and get either a drink or dessert, coffee... something. I thought it would be nice to sit and talk. We get a date maybe 2 or 3 times a year, so it's so rare. I didn't want to waste it!
D thought we should... it's so bad I can barely write it... go to WalMart. We needed a few groceries. WalMart.
For a date.
WALMART.
He thought sitting and talking sounded boring. It's making me feel sad and pissed off all over again now.
Don't get me wrong, we've gone to the grocery store before when we're out on a date. Maybe after dinner, or a movie or something, but not JUST to the store. We were only gone an hour. I came home and drank wine and ate ice cream. My diet has been seriously derailed since then.
He sat on the couch with his parents and watched the World Series. (which... it seems like that was on TV every night while they were here. No offense to sports lovers, but goodness! Sports are so damn boring.)
DATE FAIL.
----
There was good stuff too though. Two highlights were d's school Fall Festival and the pumpkin patch.
 |
| Family picture at the pumpkin patch. |
 |
| The Supers. |
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
HIGH To low
On Monday I was still flying high from a fantastic weekend, and it's amazing how far you can fall in only 48 hours; isn't it?
Turns out that what C has is hand, foot and mouth and it also turns out that by Monday O had it too and yesterday Miss L got it and although there are definitely WORSE viruses-- stomach bugs, I'm looking at you --
it has been miserable.
It has affected each child the same at the onset; a fever of about 102 for a day, where they are miserable and crying and sleeping, then that night the fever suddenly breaks and they are up half the night. So, Saturday night, Monday night and last night, I got very, VERY little sleep. Last night was the worst because it's the 3rd night of this, and because Miss L is still little enough that she doesn't get it and cries and wants to get up and walk around watch Rio for the nine bazillionth time instead of laying quietly in her (or my) bed until she falls asleep.
Then comes the rash and - thank my lucky stars - O & C got that very mildly. Just a few spots on their feet, and knees and red, sore throats. O's was a bit worse than C, with bumps on his tongue that wouldn't let him eat or drink much at all until last night.
Miss L got the short end of the stick because her rash is absolutely horrifying. Her thighs, knees, ankles, and elbows are covered in angry red bumps and blisters. Thankfully the rash is not itchy, but the blisters do hurt when they're touched - which is pretty much unavoidable if you like to walk/sit/climb/sleep or get your diaper changed or, you know, wear clothes. *sigh*
Sadly, it's also contagious for awhile so we're all quarantined for the week except D & d, who are at work and school, respectively.
This means no preschool today, or tomorrow. No play dates. Did I mention it's rained every day as well? That is probably not helping my mood. I'm stir crazy over here!
I think I'm going to go hit up Pinterest and find a project using some old crap I have sitting around the house.
Turns out that what C has is hand, foot and mouth and it also turns out that by Monday O had it too and yesterday Miss L got it and although there are definitely WORSE viruses-- stomach bugs, I'm looking at you --
it has been miserable.
It has affected each child the same at the onset; a fever of about 102 for a day, where they are miserable and crying and sleeping, then that night the fever suddenly breaks and they are up half the night. So, Saturday night, Monday night and last night, I got very, VERY little sleep. Last night was the worst because it's the 3rd night of this, and because Miss L is still little enough that she doesn't get it and cries and wants to get up and walk around watch Rio for the nine bazillionth time instead of laying quietly in her (or my) bed until she falls asleep.
Then comes the rash and - thank my lucky stars - O & C got that very mildly. Just a few spots on their feet, and knees and red, sore throats. O's was a bit worse than C, with bumps on his tongue that wouldn't let him eat or drink much at all until last night.
Miss L got the short end of the stick because her rash is absolutely horrifying. Her thighs, knees, ankles, and elbows are covered in angry red bumps and blisters. Thankfully the rash is not itchy, but the blisters do hurt when they're touched - which is pretty much unavoidable if you like to walk/sit/climb/sleep or get your diaper changed or, you know, wear clothes. *sigh*
Sadly, it's also contagious for awhile so we're all quarantined for the week except D & d, who are at work and school, respectively.
This means no preschool today, or tomorrow. No play dates. Did I mention it's rained every day as well? That is probably not helping my mood. I'm stir crazy over here!
I think I'm going to go hit up Pinterest and find a project using some old crap I have sitting around the house.
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