As a mom, I have so many hats. Chef, childcare, maid, friend, lover, financial advisor, pet specialist, and teacher. There are many, many more I'm sure.
I feel like D has it easier. Let me preface this by saying that D is an extremely hard worker. I appreciate that he works hard so that I can raise our kids and not have to bring home a paycheck.
However, his routine is simple. Very little variation. He gets up, gets ready, makes his lunch, goes to work, eats lunch (at his desk!) and then comes home. Eats the dinner I made, plays with d for awhile, or reads a magazine or whatever. In the fall/spring he runs off to rugby 2-3x a week. Then he goes to bed.
My day is so much more complex. Just thinking about writing it down makes me exhausted! If there are errands to be run, I do it. If there are Dr's or insurance companies to be called, I do it! If there are bills to be paid, it falls on me. If the kids are hungry, I feed them. The house needs to be cleaned? You guessed it.
Someone's birthday, anniversary or wedding? Time for a checkup? A teeth cleaning? All me.
Decision to be made? Me! It doesn't matter what, it ranges from choosing a dog kennel to deciding how to parent our kids.
I'm honestly just tired. I don't mind doing all these things, but I just feel like I wear the pants all day. D wonders why I'm so tired and what I do all day, but the truth is that I do EVERYTHING short of bringing home a paycheck.
I feel very frustrated with our situation at the moment. D is a great guy, regardless of how he seems from my last few posts. I just don't think it's possible for him to understand all of the things I do on a daily basis. And the truth is that I don't care if he knows the minute details of every errand and chore and tantrum of the day. I just want to be appreciated. I just want to feel like I'm in a partnership where I'm appreciated, loved and cherished. I don't want to feel like I'm worth less as a partner because my contribution isn't monetary.
I honestly don't think D intends to make me feel this way, but tact, thoughtfulness and empathy are NOT his strong suites. (have you met his mother?!)
He simply doesn't get it. But, I do think he's trying. This is where my husband will win back some points from the blogosphere:
He was having a discussion with some friends who are about to have their first (poor saps. :) ) and the husband thinks that his wife shouldn't stay home, though she wants to. He is constantly teasing me about staying home and not doing anything all day. (believe it or not, he's actually a pretty nice guy! )
When he heard that we're building a new house, he asked D if I finally went back to work. D said, "Raising two kids IS work!"
I guess it's true what they say; what people say about you to others is a good indicator of their true feelings.
5 comments:
I once made Paul cry by listing everything that was "my job." It took me twenty minutes to say it, and those were just the things I could think of. I don't recommend doing this every week, but once in awhile it's a good little reality check for someone who thinks his paycheck exempts him from all other work.
I was only lucky enough to stay home for around 4 months when Ian was born. And boy, oh boy were there a ton of tears shed and a bunch of self-hatred in having to go and earn that paycheck.
But this is what I know. Staying home, at least for me, was a LOT harder than going to work. Because you feel like, the house should be cleaner, the meals should be better, the laundry should be done more often because you are home. Going to work was actually like a vacation! A place to get some "me" time. Now, I know that everyone's experience isn't exactly like mine, but I do know this: Staying home is hard. It is awesome, but it is hard. So Kudos to you, SuperDevan, for being the one who does it all, even when you don't want to.
I like what your husband said. Very nice. He really *does* value you, even if he has a hard time articulating it to your face. Hold onto these small victories, and be glad you don't have to contend with your friend's husband.
My hubby has been home for the last almost 5 months (long story I'm not blogging about yet) and in a way it has been the best experience for him. He's been able to see first hand what exactly I do all day and how utterly exhausting it is. He's admitted he has a whole new appreciation for SAHMs and I know he'll never take it for granted again. The down side of it is that, yeah, I've been with my hubby 24/7 for almost 5 months. Try that and not get divorced! :)
I agree with Misty. I stayed home for a year when my first was born, and honestly, I couldn't go back to work fast enough. I adore my daughter, don't get me wrong, but staying home with a baby is *the hardest thing* I've ever done. And while my husband was great about understanding me, my in-laws (who were living with us at the time) gave me hell over the house not being clean. (Never mind that they only occasionally helped clean the kitchen!)
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